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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30102765">My Little Star</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Filled_with_anxiety/pseuds/Filled_with_anxiety'>Filled_with_anxiety</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>None - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>ABDL, Angst, BDSM, CG, College, Diapers, Fluff, Gay, Lgbtfiction, Little, M/M, Pacifier - Freeform, Regression, Romance, Smut, cgl, daddy - Freeform, daddydom, ddlb, littleboy, littlespace, nappies</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:15:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>78,951</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30102765</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Filled_with_anxiety/pseuds/Filled_with_anxiety</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"I don't really like them" I looked down feeling small. I felt his hands on my cheek which forced me to look at him </p>
<p>"Well I do you are the boy with the stars on his face, you are my little star"</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"1..2..3..4..11?" I sighed turning back around and make a left. I stumble around through this maze of hallways and doors probably looking like an idiot. If I can only find this godforsaken dorm before school starts then at least I can say I've accomplished something. I make two more rights before finally finding it.</p><p>  "Dorm 8" I read aloud I struggle with the lock for a few seconds before managing to get through the door. I look around and familiarize myself with my new home for the next nine months. It was bigger than I expected but smaller than what I am used to. The dorm didn't seem to appear as a dorm rather as a very small apartment. It had a small living area that consisted of a long couch and a small sofa facing a small tv. A kitchen if you could consider it one. There was no stove which thinking of makes sense. With college students partying and getting drunk I wouldn't want a stove in their hands either. There was only a counter under the cabinets which was perfect for me. It gave me access to them I wouldn't have to buy a stepladder when I could just climb. I guess due to the lack of ability to heat the food they put it in a microwave. There was also a mini-fridge. </p><p>The bathroom was in a concerning condition. You could see the mold growing in the corners. But other than the growing bacteria that will probably kill me in my sleep it was fine. The space that mainly took up the place was two rooms. As I checked both of the rooms I decided to claim the smaller one. I have never been a fan of huge spaces I wouldn't know what to with it. </p><p>I dropped my luggage onto the twin-sized bed and began unpacking. This would be my first time being away from home I'm relieved that I'll finally have some privacy. No parents to pester me, no siblings to annoy me. Just me, myself, and I. After putting away most of my stuff into the small dresser that was in the room, I kicked my suitcase under the bed leaving only some private essentials that I don't want in the open. My movements stopped when I hear the jingle of keys and the sound of the main door opening. I feel my stomach turn. </p><p>"Quit that you knew you were gonna have a roommate so you've already prepared yourself for it so deal with it. You just have to get used to living with a stranger for a year'' I whispered to myself looking at the door praying he doesn't come into this room. Of course, God has other plans than answering my prayers. I watched the knob turn and a guy walks in. </p><p>"Oh hi I'm Jayden looks like we're gonna be roommates" the guy-er Jayden sticks out his fist a common greeting amongst guys that I have failed throughout my life to return I hesitantly bump it making the whole situation now awkward and proving my point. "And you are..." </p><p>"Oh um my name is uhh... shit'' I stammer and his eyes widened a bit. God, I'm weirding him out. Damn it what was my name again. </p><p>"Joshua?" He raises an eyebrow at my answer. "Are you asking me what your name is?" He says sounding rather amused.</p><p>"No, I know what my name is, it's Joshua sorry bout that" He nods and says how it was nice meeting me and leaves to the other room leaving me in the disaster that is well me. Locking my door silently thanking the school for putting one I take out the suitcase I had just kicked under my bed and began looking through it. As I felt my fingers brush along the familiar plastic I curl them around the object pulling it out. It was a baby blue pacifier with glitter on it and my name spelled out in tiny blocks. Shoving it into my mouth I began suckling on the silicone piece silently sighing as my nerves washed away. If any guy my age were to walk in I'm sure they would be weirded out, disgusted even. And I wouldn't blame them. Guys my age aren't supposed to find comfort in pacifiers. But using it brought a sense of serenity that managed to calm my nerves than anything I've ever known. The more I used it the smaller I felt. Reaching back into the suitcase I pulled Dumbo my small grey-stuffed elephant. I pulled it close cuddling it. Liking the way the soft material touched my skin. Something the way small objects that were meant for little kids always brought a sense of peace that no other hobby or meditation session could. I smiled to myself cuddling Dumbo even more squishing the poor thing as I hid in a small corner between the bed and wall. I was so deep in my mind I almost didn't hear the knocking at my door. </p><p>"Hey I'm gonna order some pizza do you want any?" I felt my heartbeat increasing as I spit out the paci and hide Dumbo. I yanked myself out of my headspace and tried to calm myself down. The door was locked he couldn't come in anyway.</p><p>"Uh yeah sure that sounds awesome" I cringed at the pitch of my voice. Puberty wasn't kind to me. Rather than making my voice deep and manly, it left me in a state that I wasn't speaking as if I was on helium like little kids tend to sound but it also didn't sound the same as other guys my age.</p><p>"Great do you want any toppings or anything?" he asks through the door.</p><p>"Um, no thanks just regular for me" I replied as I paced around my room counting down from ten it calmed me down enough to open the door and face him. He greeted me with a smile and asked if I wanted to watch some movies with him. Saying that way we get to know each other but I declined and said some other time. </p><p>"Alright I'll hold you to it" he walked away making the phone call to place the order and I went to the bathroom. Splashing cold water in my face helped stop the headache I felt was coming. I looked in the mirror and saw myself looking back. I stayed there for maybe a minute just staring at myself. </p><p>Not only was my personality weird but so was my appearance. My hair that resembled my mother's being black and wavy was tangled into knots from the lack of brushing. I had freckles littered across my face both of which my parents didn't seem to have. It made me question where I even got them from. I had blue eyes like most of my family but instead of it shining bright like my sisters they appeared dull and washed over. The one good thing I could say about my face was my shape. It was normal in the fact of not being too round and not being too square. I had a visible jawline and all the fatness in my cheeks that I had to deal with in high school were gone.</p><p>My mini staring contest with my reflection was cut short when I felt a vibration on my thigh. Reaching into my pocket I pull out my phone and answer. "Hello" </p><p>"Hey Joshie, how is everything you are doing fine right you know all you have to do is call and I'll be right there — stop smothering the kid that's why he's is the way he is you need to let go, woman" </p><p>"Hi mom everything is fine I met my roommate he seems cool and I finished unpacking." I walked around messing with the hem of my shirt. My mother has always been overprotective of me. My dad on the other hand doesn't even spare a glance at me. I could care less my mother provides enough love to fill in his place. </p><p>"Oh that's wonderful sweetheart, I know school starts tomorrow so make sure to get a good night's rest, and don't forget your appointment this Thursday alright," she says reminding me of my weekly appointment as if I'd forget.</p><p>"I know mom I'll talk to you tomorrow I'm gonna — is that Joshie I wanna speak with him" I was interrupted by the voice of my little sister.</p><p>"Joshie guess what!"  Jessie is my polar opposite. She got more of Dad's genes than I did. She had curly red hair and green eyes that lit up like Christmas lights and she was extremely loud and hyper.</p><p>"What?" I reply with amusement. </p><p>"My birthday is in two days!" I could hear the thumping through the phone and can only imagine that she was jumping up and down which became a habit of hers when she learned how to walk.</p><p>"Really? But I thought your birthday was next year?" I hear giggling on the other side which brought a small smile to my face</p><p>"Joshie my birthday is every year, I'm gonna be six years old mommy says I'm a big girl now soon I'll be your age" </p><p>"Sorry, but you'll never be my age I'll always be 12 years older than you"  I hear a grunt on the other side and some chatter that I couldn't quite pick up.</p><p>"Mommy says I have to say bye so bye" I then hear my mom's voice telling me bye and re-reminding me about the appointment. </p><p>"Hey pizza's here" Jayden calls. I hang up exiting the bathroom my nose filling up with the smell of hot pizza. </p><p>"Thanks, how much do I owe you?" I say grabbing a slice taking a bite before spitting it out and burning my tongue.</p><p>"Careful it's hot and you don't owe me anything consider it an apology that you got me as a roommate" he took a slice and ate it with no problem despite it being hot.</p><p>"Why do you need to apologize?" I asked and took another bite slowly enjoying the taste I feel like I haven't had pizza in so long.</p><p>"Well I have some friends who can be pretty loud and they like to come over even when they aren't invited, my roommate from last year didn't like that and ended up moving into a different dorm," he says looking ashamed as he reached for another slice.</p><p>"I don't mind, I have a lot of siblings so I'm used to loud" </p><p>"Really you look like the type who wouldn't like loud noises" I tilt my head in confusion what does that mean?</p><p>"I don't know you just have this look" I mean he's not wrong I don't like loud noises they give me headaches and scare me to death but with loud noises in every corner of my home, I just got used to them. </p><p>"You said you had a roommate last year so that means you're not a freshman right?" I asked and he nodded.</p><p>"This is my third year what bout you?"</p><p>"It's my first'' I cringed slightly as my voice cracked I suddenly feel like a high school freshman encountering a senior. He then wrapped an arm around me.</p><p>"Aww don't worry freshie just stick by me and everything will be alright"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Everyone was given their schedule a week before and a tour of the campus so that we could get used to the place but for some reason, I can't find my math class. I look ridiculous I keep twisting and turning I'm probably going in circles. I make a turn and bump into someone </p><p>"Gosh I-I'm so sorry I wasn't looking where I was going and sorry" I look up to meet Jayden he had left our dorm before me so I hadn't seen him all morning.</p><p>"No worries what are you doing here the first period started 10 minutes ago?" </p><p>"Well, I kinda got lost" suddenly my fingers became very interesting.</p><p>"Hand me your schedule" I handed it to him as he looked it over I continued to tangle my fingers amongst each other </p><p>"How are you in most of my classes I thought you were a freshman?" </p><p>"Oh well I am that's because we'll I took some AP classes in my old school and my family moves a lot so some schools I went to I was ahead or um took some classes that were for sophomores in one school but a freshman in another does that make sense?" I tried explaining but I only ended up confusing myself.</p><p>"Sort of well anyway come on it's time for math class with Mr. Richards, I'm warning you that according to the seniors he can be a pain in the ass and super strict." I nodded as he took my hand and led me to our class. I stared at my hand the entire time he wasn't even holding my hand more like my wrist. Great I haven't even known the guy for more than a week and I'm catching feelings for him. I don't even know if he's gay. As we enter the class heads turn and eyes dig into me particularly a pair that belong to a man who seems to be in his fifties. I hide behind Jayden trying to shake off their stares. </p><p>"Ahh, Mr. Hernandez and Mr. Brightly I presume?" Hernandez?</p><p>"As it is the first day I will excuse your tardiness but if this becomes a habit I will assure you you will both be facing detention. Now take a seat." I quickly nodded and sat down in the first seat I saw and Jayden sat next to me. I smiled glad I wouldn't have to sit next to a total stranger.  </p><p>Throughout the rest of the afternoon, I spent it with Jayden. He was right we did have most of our classes together the only classes we didn't have were biology, art, and public speaking. Which sucks since it would have been great to have someone I even slightly knew in public speaking. </p><p>Around 1 it was time for lunch also my least favorite period. Luckily it was one of the dreaded periods that I had with Jayden. As I walked into the cafeteria I grabbed a tray grabbing some food and looked around the cafeteria for a place to sit. My favorite thing to do. As I look around I see someone waving at me? I wave back confused and he just looks at me with a weird face. A guy then walks past me towards the other guy and they begin chatting. I have never wanted to die more in my life. I mentally facepalm myself and continue trying to ignore it. </p><p>"Hey, Joshua come sit with us" I look towards the only voice that I recognize in this building to see him sitting at a table filled with other people. I smiled waving and walked over. I set my tray down and sat in an empty seat.</p><p>"Oh my god Jay you were right he does look like a lost puppy," said a guy possibly around Jayden's age he wore a pastel blue shirt and overalls for some reason the words shiny come to mind. Even though I knew he was older than me he looked like a senior in high school. But I'm not one to talk. I probably still look like a high school freshman. </p><p>"Hi I'm Joshua" I introduced myself. I looked around the table and sitting next to the shiny boy was a light browned girl with bright red hair and big brown eyes. If I was straight I might have been attracted to her beside them was two guys one who was really pale tall and skinny and a slightly but still tall muscular dark-skinned guy. </p><p>"Nice to meet you Joshua my name is Arya" the girl with red hair introduced herself I nodded as she continued to introduce the others. </p><p>"You have already met Jayden, this fella over here is  Micheal" the guy with the overalls had a huge smile on his face it was hard not to smile back. "The giant one over here is Felix and the one next to him is Tyrone." </p><p>"Don't worry little freshman we don't bite," Tyson said smiling his arm wrapped around Felix. I smiled and nodded. </p><p>"So a-are you guys all juniors?" I asked cursing my stutter.</p><p>"Not all of us Micheal here is a freshman like you and Felix is a sophomore other than them the rest of us are juniors" Arya answered I nodded and enjoyed the fact that I am not the only freshman at the table.</p><p>"Alright I'm back and you won't believe what I just heard, oh who is this?" Another girl came this one had blonde hair and bright blue eyes she looked like the type of person you'd see in a movie. </p><p>"Brooke this is Joshua, Joshua Brooke." This time Jay introduced her. "Pleasure to meet you Joshua, but guys I have good news so Tandy is throwing a huge welcome back party at her house, and you know how she throws the best parties this time everyone's invited including freshman so Micheal you picked the perfect time to be a freshman" Brooke then sat down next to Arya and continued talking about the party I just focused on my lunch which no longer looked appetizing. I settled for the apple and carton of milk and left everything else. I would listen in now and then they were making plans for the party.</p><p>"What about you Joshua?" I looked up to see all eyes on me. </p><p>"Um well um what?" </p><p>"Well, are you going to the party or what?" Brooke asked.</p><p>"Um no, I don't think so I don't really like parties" Micheal didn't seem to happy with my answer.</p><p>"Oh come on Josh we can go together it'll be so much fun!" I flinched at the sudden rise in voice and felt everyone's eyes turn to look at our table. </p><p>"Um alright, I guess it wouldn't hurt to go" Micheal squealed and reaches over the table pulling me into a hug. </p><p>"You sure you don't have to if you don't want to," Jayden says assuring me that I wasn't forced to go. I smiled and thought it over I could make some friends or not and just spend my time in a corner wishing I was home but on the bright side, I could make friends. </p><p>"Don't worry I want to" I got up and threw my tray out as the bell rang for the next period.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I regret everything"  I told myself as I looked over the sea of drunk people. This week seemed to be the worst one I've had in my life. School had only just started and I had a butt load of work to do including a speech that I have to write about thoughts on school uniforms for public speaking, but they want me to talk about it in front of class. My appointment didn't turn out so great and now I'm stuck at a party. I mean what did I expect that me Joshua Brightly would actually manage to talk to someone at this party and become friends with them. The music was so loud and there choice in music would change from no words at all to too many going too fast that I couldn't understand a thing. Red solo cups were scattered on the floor many were still in people's hands. I walked around trying to find Micheal who had disappeared after five minutes of being in here. As I walk into what I'm guessing is the kitchen I am hit with a huge amount of smoke. In the middle of the kitchen were a circle of people laying down high as fuck. Most were giggling while one kid looked scared out of his mind. As I passed by the stoners into the backyard I finally see Micheal. </p><p>"Chug!, Chug!, Chug!" In the center of people there he was hanging upside down drinking a huge amount of alcohol. When he finishes he spots me and comes over.</p><p>"Josh! You having fun cebause I am I feel kinda funny though I think I'm drunk!" I nodded he is definitely drunk. He was stumbling and slurring his words. </p><p>"Come on l-let's go find Jayden" I grab his wrist which was covered in bracelets. His whole outfit seemed a little weird. He wore a half green half pink crop top with leather pants that seemed a size to tight. But I didn't mention it because who am I to judge I literally have no fashion sense. </p><p>"Jay! I love Jay where he is"</p><p>"Um I dunno that's why I am looking" I continued to search trying to find the familiar man but everything seemed all hectic I doubt that I'd be able to find him. Finding Micheal was easier due to his bright outfit. </p><p>"Nuu he will ruin the fun he always does come drink wif me" he then dragged me to a table where the beverages were set out and handed me a red cup.</p><p>"Uh no thanks I don't drink" I tried giving the cup beck to him but he refused to take it so I set it back on the table.</p><p>"Well that's a shame, but then again what did I expect inviting freshman" I turn to the voice and there I saw Tandy. She looked like Brooke blonde hair blue eyes but was much shorter and had a slight California tan. She made sure that everyone knew who she was when everyone arrived by making a huge announcement that getting drunk was a must. That was around the same time I had lost Micheal. </p><p>"One drink won't hurt and like I said before drinking is a must. Look at your friend he's having the time of his life." I looked at Micheal who managed to get inside the sea of people and began to twerk. I was coming down with some serious second hand embarrassment. I guess one drink wouldn't hurt. Besides isn't it supposed to calm your nerves or something. </p><p>"I guess" I took the cup and took a sip. It tasted like piss. Not that I would know what piss taste like but if I had to imagine that would be it. Although the it tasted nasty it was like one of those things you try and it's bad but you kinda wanna taste it again. So I did. It wasn't as bad as the first and the third time was even better than the second. </p><p>"There you go now enjoy"She then left as I continued to drink. It wasn't that bad and after just one drink I felt funny like my nerves had just ceased to exist but only slightly. I still had that twist in my stomach but it had loosened a tiny bit. My head was still full of thoughts but it felt as if one thought was taken away. I liked it it kind felt like when I'm in little space but I was big. </p><p>I lost count about how much I had to drink after my fifth cup. I felt free like I could do anything. I could get naked and I wouldn't care. Micheal came up to me and asked if I wanted to dance and I found myself saying yes. Even though i don't know how to dance. As he brought me closer to the jumble of people the smell of booze grew stronger. A girl with a bunch or piercings gave us something that looked like jello. I like Jello. So I ate it. </p><p>"That was not Jello" Did I say that. I think I did does my voice sound like that. "Jello" I laughed it's so funny. "Jello" Micheal then started twerking again and I joined him because why not. Fuck what people think fuck what they say. I'm twerking and I don't give a fuck. After a while me and Micheal ended up on a table how we got there I have no clue and where did my shirt go? Next thing I know someone grabbed my hand and pulled me down. </p><p>"Where were you? I was looking all over for you" Hey it's Jayden.</p><p>"I was with Micheal" I point to the table where Micheal still was and Jayden pulled him down too. </p><p>"How much did you guys have to drink?" </p><p>"Um like maybe a eleventeen?" I laugh "eleventeens not a number" I said and laughed some more Jayden looked amazed or maybe shocked. </p><p>"Ok time to go home." He said taking my hand and walked me out of the house. </p><p>"Fuck everyone you know. Fuck them fuck you fuck my parents and siblings but don't because you need to have consent first it's very important. Fuck me please do and fuck my therapist because he's a bitch and fuck my parrot because he's also a bitch" </p><p>"Yes fuck everyone know get in the car." I hop into the car and I felt Jayden buckle me in he's so nice. The ride was fast we were home in like a second. The flashy lights from the cars were cool. When we stop we were back at school.</p><p>"Nuu I don't wanna go to school!" I kicked the seat in front of me. It was fun kick kick kick.</p><p>"Stop kicking the seat and we're not going to school we are going to our dorm rooms to go to bed." I immediately stopped kicking and pouted. </p><p>"No no sleep I am big I sleep when I want!" Jayden only shook his head unbuckled me and Micheal when did he get here? And took us into school ew. After dropping Micheal off at his room I grew tired of walking.</p><p>"Jay Jay carry me please I'm tired" I then hear a sigh and felt big arms carry me it felt good. I dig my head into his neck as he walks the long hallways. I hear jingling and then a bright light hits me. I shit my eyes and hide my face into his neck even more. I hear water and then I felt him putting me down.</p><p>"Drink this it'll sober you up a bit." He handed my a glass of water.</p><p>"But I'm not thirsty" </p><p>"Just drink" I obeyed and drank the water. As the fresh water hit the back of my throat it was then I realized how thirsty I was. I gulped the rest of the water down and Jayden refilled it and I drank half before leaving it in the sink. </p><p>"Thank you" I said and stumbled to my room jumping onto the bed.</p><p>"You're welcome although I'm pretty sure you'll forget about all this" was the last thing I heard before falling asleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I woke up to a massive headache I've never felt before. My nose was filled with the smell of leather and cedar. It would have been a nice smell if my stomach hadn't felt like emptying itself out even though I've had nothing to eat. I sat up trying to remember what happened. Wait why don't I have a shirt on. Not only that but I'm not in my room. Holy shit don't tell me that I— I checked beneath the covers good my pants are still on. But who's bed am I in? The room was white but had posters of some bands hanging on them so it didn't look all that bland unlike mine. There was a guitar hanging above the bed frame and the room looked bigger than mine. I got up and walked out into a familiar living room. This was my dorm. </p><p>"Morning did you sleep well?" Jayden asked he was laying on the sofa on his phone in his pjs. </p><p>"Um yeah thanks I'm sorry for um sleeping in your bed I don't quite know what happened last night." Suddenly the smell hit me it smelled like eggs? "Are you cooking something how did you... manage to do that we don't have a stove" I had to pause the smell was so nauseating. </p><p>"I used the microwave go on and eat Tyrone gave me his hangover recipe." I nod and grab the plate that was inside the microwave and sat on one of the chairs in the living room and began to eat. Since it was Saturday it meant no school which was a blessing right now. </p><p>"Did— did I do anything weird last night?" </p><p>"Yeah, honestly I did not take you for the drink till I'm knocked out type."</p><p>"That's because I'm not, um what weird things did I do?" I messed around with my fingers a bit as I continued eating. </p><p>"Well after I lost you and Micheal I spent most of the time looking for you two and when I managed to find you, both of you were on top of a table dancing and you decided to start stripping for everyone." As he told me that I felt so embarrassed. I started stripping in front of a ton of people. All of a sudden a huge wave of nausea hit me like a truck. I gagged running to the bathroom emptying my stomach. I'm never drinking again. One drink won't hurt my ass it did hurt, a lot too. I suddenly felt someone rubbing my back making me jump. I calmed down after realizing it was Jayden. </p><p>"S-sorry." </p><p>"What are you apologizing for?" He asked as he kept rubbing my back which was actually quite comforting.</p><p>"I threw up the food you gave me" I then hurled again emptying out even more.</p><p>"Oh don't worry about that that's what it was for. I did say they were hangover eggs, they're supposed to make you throw up." I nodded and continued gagging but I there was nothing to throw up so I just sat there dry heaving. Why did I ever go to that party. </p><p>After I finished I brushed my teeth and sat back down on the sofa.</p><p>"So what other weird stuff did I do?" I was trying to prepare myself from the embarrassment I knew I was about to face.</p><p>"Well after I got you down from the table you said you had eleventeen drinks, and as we were walking to the car you basically told me to fuck everyone. If I remember precisely you said, fuck everyone, fuck me, fuck you, fuck your parents and siblings, fuck your therapist? Something about him being a bitch. And same goes for your parrot." </p><p>"Oh god." I cover my face the embarrassment was too much.</p><p>"During the ride here you sang a bunch of nursery songs and you made me carry you after we dropped Micheal off at his dorm." Oh god! I'm such an idiot.</p><p>"It was quite amusing but don't worry everyone does weird shit when they're drunk, wanna watch some tv?" </p><p>"Um sure." After scanning through a bunch of movies on Netflix Jayden asked me if I wanted to watch a horror movie. I told him it was fine but I wasn't so sure after I said it. The movie he picked was terrifying! It had angry Japanese ghost that lived in a forest that if you go in they make you kill yourself and the dumb bitch went in and stayed the night to find her sister. I wasn't all to happy when a jump scare of some old hag popped up and I ended up digging my head into the pillow cushions. I'm pretty sure I screamed too. </p><p>"If you want I could change it?" Jayden offered but I shook my head. "It's fine just wasn't expecting that last scene." It was not fine if of the girls that was in the movie was creepy as hell. She always smiling and popping up. Then she becomes this terrifying demon. Right in the middle of this intense scene Jaydens phone goes off making me jump. He laughs and answers the phone. </p><p>"Hey Babe...no......yeah but...hold on—e right back." That last part was directed towards me. He left the room stepping out into the hallway. </p><p>"Idiot of course he has a girlfriend. You have a crush on another straight guy good for you." I paused the movie for him and just stared at the ceiling. </p><p>"Well you don't know if it was a girl it could of been a guy. But either way he's taken so I shouldn't try anything. I wonder if the forest thing is real? The movie could have been based of something true, if it was then no way I'm ever going to Japan, I need to google this. Holy shit it's real!" I hear laughing and turn my head. Jayden was standing right behind me.</p><p>"You talk to yourself a lot you know that." I nodded and wondered how much of that he had heard. </p><p>"So the forest is real?" I nod and he responded with cool and continued with the movie. The main character ended up dead in the end serves her right for being so stupid. The rest of the day was spent watching movies and thank god they were no longer scary. We ordered Chinese food and talked a bit about ourselves. I found out that Jayden had three other sisters and an adopted brother. And that he plays the guitar. I also found out that he had a girlfriend but things weren't going so well. Apparently he wants to be a lawyer and that he has a cat named Lucky. We continued watching tv and the last thing I remember seeing was men shooting at each other before I dozed off.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Warning: this chapter includes scenes that might be triggering including rape and suicidal thoughts.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"So how was your first month of college?" Dr. Forthe asked.</p><p>"It went fine." I hated coming here I always felt like I was some freak that needed experimenting on. The room had that hospital feeling. Plain white walls with a huge window with the city view. A leather chair where Dr. Forthe would always sit with his pen and paper. And a chair facing him where I sat. </p><p>"Mhm, can you elaborate on how fine it went?" I knew he hated when I use the word fine. But it's my favorite word fine can mean anything it can mean it went shitty or it went great. </p><p>"Um well I wake up everyday and go to my classes visit my parents on the weekends when I can." I only visited them once this month and it didn't really go well. </p><p>"Did you make any friends? Found someone you like?" I shrug something he also hates. </p><p>"Instead of shrugging do mine using your words?" Yes I do but I obviously don't say that to his face. </p><p>"Well there's this one guy, he's my roommate and he's cool I guess." I didn't really talk to him as much as I did the first week. He still invites me to eat with him and his friends and me and Micheal have gotten closer since the party.</p><p>"I went to a party." I don't know why I mentioned it but as I saw how his eyes widened with a smile i kind of felt good sharing that.</p><p>"That's great! It means you have improved your skills in socializing. So how did that go." </p><p>"Good I um I mean I spent half of the time in a corner but the other half I was drunk as hell um please don't tell my mom about that last part or about the party thing." If my mom ever knew that I was at a party let alone being drunk she'd make me come home right away. </p><p>"Everything we talk about stays in this room and this room only so you don't have to worry." I released a breath that I didn't even know I was holding. I kind of expected that everything I told him he told my mom. It kind of relaxed me knowing she doesn't know all the details of how fucked up I am. </p><p>"So have you been doing what we talked about?" I nod.</p><p>"And how do you feel that it's been doing for you." </p><p>"Um good I guess. I mean it helps to clear my mind and I dont, I'm not as nervous so it's been doing good yeah." About a year ago when my mom used to accompany me to these sessions Dr. Forthe spoke about a method to calm my nerves. He introduced me to something called age regression. He even explained what it was. It intrigued me but my mother on the other hand not so much. She even told my father about what he had offered to try and he was pissed. He went on a rant about how I already act enough like a freak that I don't need to add more to it. He acted the same when my mom mentioned on how I should go to therapy. </p><p>"That's good, you don't have to feel ashamed explaining or talking about it to me it's more normal than you think." I nodded. Mr. Forthe was the only person who knows about my little space and is also the only person who nows I'm gay. He was the one who gave me the only paci I have. It was too risky ordering one online. One of my sisters or brothers would have gotten to it. He also helped me get more little supplies I was always hesitant in taking it but he always insisted. </p><p>"You're messing with your fingers again, is there something on your mind?" I looked at my fingers to see them all tangled together I didn't even realize I was doing it. </p><p>"No just that I guess it would be nice to know other people who are like me." I had suspected Micheal was like me from how he acted and dressed but I'm too terrified to ask. I would risk humiliating myself and putting myself into an awkward situation.</p><p>"I'm sure you'd fine someone who partakes in the same things as you do. Being a therapist I've met a lot of them I'd introduce you but I'm not really allowed to give you information about other patients. As I'm not allowed to give any information about you." I nodded.</p><p>Dr. Forthe continued asking questions about school throughout the entire session as if I don't see him once a week.</p><p>I walked all the way to the bus station. I had been to scared to take my drivers test when I was sixteen. It required too much focus, with my mind always being somewhere else I didn't want to risk accidentally killing someone. That's the last thing I need to be on conscious. As I was waiting for the bus I saw my teacher Mr. Richards. I tried hiding myself the best I could but he sat right next to me. </p><p>"Hello Mr. Brightly how are you doing?" He looked weird without a suit and tie.</p><p>"I'm doing fine a-and you?" I hate having to talk to teachers. </p><p>"Great just going to see some family and you're heading to the dorms I guess?" I nodded and tried to stop the conversation but he continued.  Even when the bus arrived i tried to sit away but he sat right next to me. </p><p>"You're not trying to avoid me are you? I'm probably bothering right?" I shook my head frantically I didn't want him seeing me as rude or bad mannered.</p><p>"No of course not." He continued talking to me about his family.</p><p>"You know Saturday campus is always empty always some sort of party being thrown or kids go home for the weekend. How come you're not home?" I noticed I was fidgeting with my fingers a bit and I could tell he noticed too because he was looking right at them. </p><p>"Um well I just got back from a doctors appointment and I just have homework and studying to do so I um I do it better on campus then at home too many people." I got up as the bus stopped and Mr. Richards followed. </p><p>"Um I thought you were going to see your family?" I watched as every step he took he followed. </p><p>"I am I'm just going to my class I have some papers I need to pick up. Speaking of which I want to discuss about your test." </p><p>"My test?" </p><p>"Yeah the one I made you take on your first week, you are quite smart for your age. I just wanted to go over a few questions I had for you." I nodded and followed him to his classroom. The hallways were dark and seemed way longer and scary than they did during the day. As we reached his classroom he closed the door behind him locking it. He set his bag down and started going through his desk. I leaned against one of the desk waiting patiently. </p><p>He then suddenly slid all the items on his desk onto the ground. They fell and created a loud sound that made me jump. He grabbed me and brought me to the desk. My mind was running and I had no idea what to do. I was too shocked. I hear the sound of a belt and a zipper but it wasn't until he put his hands on my pants that I began to scream. His hand clamped around my mouth muffling my screams.</p><p>"Shut up you little bitch! Don't make this harder than it needs to be." I felt tears stream down my face and felt him pull my pant down along with my boxers. </p><p>"You don't think I see how you look at me in class? I know how much you want this you fucking faggot." He turned me around and all I felt was pain. An over whelming pain that I could no longer scream. His hands moved away from my mouth but I couldn't bring myself to scream. My body didn't seem to understand the situation. I didn't want this. My body and mind weren't cooperating. I swear I don't want this. </p><p>"Look at you getting hard you fucking piece of shit I was right you do want this." I felt him touch me I felt him moving in me. I felt pain and then I felt nothing. I just felt empty. I made no sound. This isn't what I was told it would feel like when I get fucked. This doesn't feel nice or an over stimulating pleasure. This felt hard and painful.  Felt his hand over me and moving me in ways the only brought pain. I felt a knot grow in my stomach. It hurt I felt like I was gonna be sick. This feeling was no where like being hungover it was worse much worse. I didn't know this would happen to me. As the knot grew I let out small whimpers. And then the feeling of the knot disappeared and I had made a mess. He brought his hand up to my face showing me what he had made me do. I wanted to scream, shout, but all I could do was cry.</p><p>"Looks like someone made a mess into my hand. But you like that don't you, you fucking slut!" He felt as he pounded into me. I just decided to block it out. And then I felt him fill me up. But I still felt empty. Like I didn't even care any more. I felt myself drop onto the floor and I saw him get his stuff and leave. I was left on the floor covered in his and my own mess. I have never considered myself suicidal until this moment. I have never wanted to kill myself more in my entire life. As I felt his cum dripping out of me slowly falling onto the tile. The noise filled my head. With every drop it just filled my head of what had just happened. I didn't know I was still crying until a sob escaped from my mouth. </p><p>I don't know how long I stayed there but I had decided to get up when I felt the sun hit my face. I tried to clean myself and the mess up as much as possible. I don't know why but I just felt like I should have cleaned up the mess. I but my boxers and pants back on. And I walked the long empty hallways back to my dorm. I stripped myself from all of my clothing and entered the bathtub. I scrubbed and scrubbed trying to wash away his touch. I felt disgusting I felt weird. I watched the water fill up. I still felt the pain. I ducked my head into the water and stayed there until I felt my lungs bursting for air. I brought my head back up and gasped for air. I just couldn't bring myself to stay under. I stepped out drying myself and went to my room. I tried to keep quite not knowing if Jayden was in his room or not. I put on as much clothes as I could feeling naked no matter how many layers I put. I went under the covers trying to find sleep. But it only brought me nightmares.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I heard the same knocking on my door that I have heard for the past week. </p><p>"Josh, Josh I know you're in there." I know that he knows but I don't want to answer. I don't want him seeing me like this. My room was a mess heck I was a mess and it was dark I hadn't turn the lights on all week. I haven't stopped crying this whole week.</p><p>"You haven't gone to classes this whole week and I'm starting to worry about you. You're gonna fall behind." I heard a sigh and watch his shadow disappear along with the sound of his footsteps. I snuggle deeper into my covers and stare at my wall. My phone dinged with messages from my mom and my brothers. I even got some from my little sister. Each asking me if I was okay. I got multiple messages from Jayden and even from Micheal though I have no idea how he got my number. </p><p>"Alright I'm coming in." Before I had time to process the sudden voice and understand what he was about to do. He was in my room looking at me. His face was soft and was filled with sorrow. He looked sad and I knew it was directed towards me. The light that peered I'm blinded my eyes and I dove under my covers. I felt the bed dipped and then a hand on me. </p><p>"Hey, what's going on?" I didn't want to tell him. He'll think I'm a disgusting whore. So all I did was shake my head. </p><p>"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." There a was a long silence after that. I was debating wether or not on telling. I wanted someone to know so bad. Someone to talk to about what has happened. I had missed my session with Dr. Forthe who called me and probably told my parents. I wanted someone to know what I had gone through. But at the same time I wanted no one to know. I wanted to pretend like it never happened because as long as I don't talk about it or think about it then it'll be like it never did. No one knows about it no one needs to know. It can be like it was all some silly nightmare. </p><p>But I knew that it in fact did happen and that I couldn't make it any less real. And the best thing I could do is actually tell someone. So I did I sat up and told him everything even the things I didn't mean to like what I ate for breakfast that day. I was sobbing and a total mess and he hugged me and told me everything was gonna be alright. I felt safe for the first time this whole week.</p><p>"Alright enough with all this gloom. We will prove to that bastard that he can't get away with it don't let it control you. You are gonna get up and take a shower because it smells like you haven't showered this whole week. And then we are gonna go out see a movie or something whatever you wanna do. Alright?" I nodded smiling and headed towards the shower. As I stood there under the water my mind kept going back to the night. I hated how he made me feel this way. I stopped focusing on that and sang the itsy bitsy spider in my head trying to block out the bad thoughts.</p><p>When I came back to my room everything was nice and neat. All the clothes that have been thrown on to the floor were put away my bed was made. Everything looked like it had when I first came here. Jayden was sitting on my bed. </p><p>"I'll let you get changed and then we can go see that movie alright." I nod and get dressed as soon as he leaves the room. I decided to wear some beige pants with my converse, and a oversized dark blue sweater with a bear on it and my bookbag. It looked a little childish but not so much to seem weird.  On the way to the movies we stopped at a convenience store and bought some snacks and sodas since the stuff at the movies were way to overpriced. I grabbed a huge bag of sour patch kids and a Coke. Jayden got some Twizzlers and a Pepsi. </p><p>"Why did you get such a huge bag that's gonna be impossible to hide." I shook my head and put it in my bookbag. "And what if they check your bag?" I showed him the bag it had a notebook and pen but mainly medication that was able to cover it. "Why do have so much medicine?" </p><p>"Well um I have asthma so my inhaler back up inhaler a spacer, um also some allergy pills because I'm allergic to a lot of things. And prednisone which um is also for my asthma." All he did was nod in response and we headed to the movies. I thought he was gonna pick some scary movie or one with action but he picked Sonic the hedgehog. The theater wasn't really packed as it normally so there were no huge lines that we had to wait in, in order to tickets and popcorn. </p><p>"I think we should only get one bucket of popcorn we can share plus I don't want you getting a stomach ache since you bought a huge bag of candy. Plus it will save me money." It threw me off a bit. He's never acted like that before. But then again I haven't known him long enough to know how he normally acts. My took out my phone as I felt the vibration notifying me that I got a message. It was from Micheal. </p><p>Micheal: Hey Joshie! just so you know I'm coming over tomorrow I need to talk to you it's very important. I'm so excited I can't wait! </p><p>Just like Jayden Micheal hasn't seen me all week so I had no idea why he was coming over and what was so important. I replied with a quick ok and shoved my phone back in my pocket. </p><p>I had really enjoyed the movie. The whole time I was laughing and smiling. Jayden was right about me having to take my mind off it. I knew it was in the corner of my mind waiting to come back. But for now it wasn't the main thing. Jayden didn't laugh as much as I did. Every time I looked over at him he seemed to enjoy it but I think he didn't really like these types of movies. We finished the bucket of popcorn and I ate a almost half of the entire bag of sour patches. By the time the movie finished it was dark out and it was pouring. We ran all the way back to campus and into our dorm. We were both soaking wet. </p><p>"Go dry up I don't want you getting sick." I nodded and went into my room drying myself and changing into some pjs. My pjs consisted of a white t shirt with some blue shorts. As I walked out Jayden was in a black tank top with black shorts. He was sitting on the couch and waved for me to go over to him. As I sat down in the couch he had a very serious face on. </p><p>"I want to ask you something and I want you to be honest with me ok." I nodded and felt my heart skip a beat. What did I do? I went over every possible thing I could have done but came out with nothing. What if what I did was really bad and I just didn't know that it was bad and he was mad. I felt myself twisting my fingers but I didn't care to try and break the habit. </p><p>"You see i found this when I was cleaning your room." He took out his hands from his pocket and opened his fist towards me and in his hand was a pacifier but not just any it was my pacifier.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>  I knew where this was gonna go. The moment he pulled out the item I knew everything was over. For once I actually had a social life now I can kiss that goodbye and prepare for the humiliation that will await me. </p><p>"Hey calm down I just want you to be honest. Is this yours?" He was looking at me with this face that surprisingly didn't seem of disgust. I slowly shake my head as I felt my cheeks heat up and tears that were at the brink of falling. </p><p>"No?, so it's not your name thats written on it?" That's when the tears began to fall. I continued shaking my head. I knew it was obvious that it was mine and that I was lying. </p><p>"Look I'm not mad or disgusted I just need you to tell me yourself." He wasn't? Why isn't he? <br/>"I'll ask again alright, is it yours?" I slowly nodded sobbing.</p><p>"You-you weren't supposed to find that no-no one was— it it.." I couldn't finish I was still sobbing and the confrontation mixed in with also not being in little space all week made me plummet into my head space. I then felt him being the object to my mouth and I slowly opened it. He put it in and I began suckling it. </p><p>"Hey it's alright, you know Micheal is also a little, so there is nothing to worry about. I won't tell anyone well I already told Micheal but only him and I told him not to go blabbing about it to the others in case you're not comfortable with everyone else knowing." He put his arms around me and I leaned into them. That's why Micheal wanted to talk to me. He stayed there hugging me and I eventually calmed down. </p><p>"Hey if you want I could watch over you when you are in little-space, before Micheal met Arya I used to look after him so I have some experience in looking after a little. I also have had to look after Felix when Tyrone was busy." </p><p>"Wait- so everyone knows bout littlespace?" So I have been sitting at a table with two other littles and didn't even know!</p><p>"Well yeah Brooke is the only one who doesn't know a thing about it." I nodded. I found out Brooke was Jayden's girlfriend. He never had to state it because she did a good job in showing everyone that she was his. At lunch she was always so close to Jayden she was practically sitting on her lap.  Although I had to admit I was a bit jealous it was hard to be mad at her because she was so nice.</p><p>"Hello Jay-Jay! Eep Joshie you look so cute!" Micheal has just barged in I swear I thought I locked the door behind me.</p><p>"I thought you were gonna wait to talk to him tomorrow?" Jayden was still next to me looking up at the hyper man. </p><p>"Well I couldn't wait! So joshie I hear you are also a little which is amazing because I am also a little and you are my age! You know I knew you were little I even told Jayden that you might be one!" He was on his knees looking at me. He was practically jumping on them and his voice was extremely loud. </p><p>"Mikey calm down and use your inside voice." He replied with a quick ok and looked over at me. He just looked as if he was searching for something. He then went into my room. I looked up at Jayden to see if he knew what was going on by all he did was look at me and shrug.  Micheal came back this time holding Dumbo. I smiled as he handed him to me and I hugged it seeking Dumbo's comfort. Jayden and Micheal went to the kitchen while I cuddled Dumbo.  </p><p>"Hey Joshie you wanna watch some tv?" Jayden asked, he sat next to me on the sofa picking up the remote. I nodded as he went into Disney plus and handed me the remote. I passed through multiple shows and movies before deciding on Bambi. </p><p>"Josh can you tell me how old are you right now?" This time Micheal spoke. I thought about it and raised three fingers. I turned to the tv and focused on the movie. Jayden and Micheal kept talking but I just blocked them out. </p><p>"Jay look" I pointed to the tv I want him to see Bambi learning to talk. </p><p>"I'm looking Josh" I smile and turn my head back and continue watching. This was the first time anyone has seen me in little space it was weird I barely knew them but I felt like I can trust them. Micheal sat on the other side next to me watching the movie. We both started crying when Bambi's mommy died. <br/>"Look Bambi's gonna be ok he has his daddy to look after him." He hugged me and pointed to the tv. He would be a good daddy.</p><p>"Are you gonna be Joshie's Daddy!" Micheal asked he looked at Jayden with a smirk. I turn to Jayden to hear his answer. </p><p>"Uh no but I can look after him if he wants. Besides I have girlfriend remember Mikey" </p><p>"You should dump her, none of us like her." </p><p>I turn to them "I like her, she's nice" </p><p>"Yeah she's nice to everyone Joshie but what I'm saying is that Jayden here doesn't even like her like how he used to. And he shouldn't keep it going there is no more spark between them." </p><p>"So you're telling me if you and Arya lost that spark you'd just break up with her?" I went through my bookbag fetching the huge bag of sour patches and began to eat them on the floor. </p><p>"Of course not because that would never happen. But if there was a change in our relationship that caused both of us to no longer be interested in the each other like we were in the beginning than we would try something new." </p><p>"I don't get white relationships. In a normal spanish relationship we don't break up until one of us cheats." Jayden said. Micheal got off the couch and sat next to me eating some of the sour patches. </p><p>"Well that's unhealthy." Micheal said as he grabbed a handful of sour patches and stuffed it into his mouth.</p><p>"What's unhealthy is that bag of sugar." He walked over and took away the bag from me and gave me some apple slices. </p><p>"So are you gonna break up with her?" I ate the apple slices nibbling rather than biting.</p><p>"I don't know Mikey just give some time to think about it alright." Micheal nodded and said a few things about school before saying bye to both of us and leaving. </p><p>"Alright I think it's time for bed don't you?" I looked at him and smiled I didn't really feel like talking. He put away the now empty plate and helped me up. He walked me to the bathroom and helped me put the toothpaste on my teethbrush. </p><p>"Um are you ok sleeping in your own room?" I nodded. I didn't want to bother him by sleeping in his bed and I've had to do sleep on my own before so I was used to it. <br/>"Alright then good night." </p><p>"Night" I walked into my dark room and jumped quickly on my bed so the monster under won't eat my toes. I put my paci in my mouth and cuddled Dumbo and headed off to dream land.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   "Josh I really think we should tell someone about this." Jayden urged on about me telling someone of what had happened between me and Mr. Richards but I couldn't I don't want anyone to know just one. Only the one which is Jayden. I shook my head for the third time. </p><p>"Please Jayden just leave it alone." I grabbed my bookbag and we both headed out of the door. </p><p>He sighed. "Fine, but if the that fucking pedophile tries anything I might just lose my shit." I looked at him I've never seen him mad. From what I've seen he was actually pretty chill. As we walked the cramped hallways every step was harder than the last. I wish I had just stayed in my room and not let Micheal convince me to go. I expected the walk to be longer it had seemed that way last week. But sure enough I was standing right in front of his class. I looked at Jayden and back at the door.<br/>"You don't have to go in. We can go back to our dorm and stay in." </p><p>I shook my head. "Micheal is right I can't let him see that he affects me." I grabbed the handle and turned it walking with my chest puffed out in confidence. But all that went away the moment he looked at me. His crooked smile turned and he even sent me a wink. I took a step back and hid behind Jayden. We walked to our seats which thank god were in the middle of the room so I wouldn't have to be so close to him. </p><p>All period I couldn't think any questions I couldn't process and the equations just looked like jumbled numbers and letters. And every time he made eye contact I hid further in my seat. Wishing that I would somehow turn invisible. Jayden had been great all period. He kept making sure I was okay. He would make a great Daddy if he wasn't dating Brooke already. </p><p>"I knew you'd be back you slut."  Mr.Richards whispered in my ear. I was too distracted I didn't see him walk behind me. His words took me back to that night. I felt my heart beating so hard against my chest I thought it would jump out. I felt like I couldn't breathe. My mind was too fogged up to think properly. I heard a crash and look to my right to see Mr. Richards on the floor and Jaydens chair was pulled out. </p><p>"Oh I'm sorry Mr. Richards I should've looked before I got up." Jayden's words sounded far from an apology. He turned to me and grabbed my hand rushing out of the class and into the closest bathroom. "Are you alright?" I didn't answer because I didn't know myself. One part of myself told me I can do this and go through the res of the day that this was only the first period. The other louder part told me to go to my room and sulk for another week. I ended up nodding. </p><p>"Are you sure?" I nod again I need to prove to myself that I can go the whole day without having another breakdown. He hugged me and told me that I was brave and we walked out as the bell rang. </p><p>The rest of the day was easy. By lunch my bad thoughts were almost completely gone. Once I sat at the table with my tray Micheal grabbed me and brought me to a secluded corner in the cafeteria. </p><p>"Hey is it ok if I tell the guys that you are a little. You don't have to worry about them judging because well they are in the  community too." He looked really excited to tell the others and I didn't want to ruin that. I went over the pros and cons of them knowing. </p><p>"Alright as long as it's only them no one else okay." He jumped and replied with a quick ok and ran to the table. I saw him speaking and then they all turned to me and smiled. I smiled back and walked over slowly.</p><p>"Mikey says you're a little." Felix said in a low whisper. I nod confirming that he was in fact right. "That's great, we have another little in the group." I smile with a nod and pick army food.</p><p>"Did he ask for permission before blabbing it out to all of us?" Arya said looking at Micheal. I nod again and she praised Micheal for asking first. They both seemed happy. I hadn't seen it before but now that I know little things stood out. Like the way Tyrone warned Felix to be careful before he started eating. And how Arya would cut up some of Micheals food for him. They both paid close attention to their littles and once they finished eating they started in their food. My tray consisted of some fish sticks  cooked vegetable that looked more like mush and some apple slices. I no longer felt hungry as I had when I walked into the cafeteria so I just ate the apple slices. </p><p>"Is that all you're gonna eat?" Jayden asked as he eyed my plate. I nod. </p><p>"I'm not really hungry." </p><p>"At least eat the fish sticks. You didn't eat breakfast this morning. You need at least some food in your system." </p><p>"Ooh look at Jayden playing daddy." </p><p>"Shut up Tyrone. Just eat the fish sticks they're not that bad." I obey and eat the fish sticks. I was serious about not being hungry but I wanted to make him happy by listening. </p><p>"Wait so are you gonna be Joshua's daddy?" Felix asked.</p><p>"No I'm still dating Brooke guys remember our other friend. But I am gonna be his platonic caregiver." That made me sad because it would really be great if he would be my daddy but I'm gonna have a caregiver so it went anyway. </p><p>"Dude just break up with her already." Tyrone said sounding bored of this conversation already</p><p>"What is with you guys and me breaking up with her. She's a nice person and I have no reason to break up with her." </p><p>"Except for the fact that you don't like her anymore." Micheal said.</p><p>"And that she's a bitch." Arya said after.</p><p>"How so?" Jayden questioned.</p><p>"Oh that's right you don't hear the things she says to Micheal or us." This time Felix spoke up  he had gone quite when the topic came up.<br/>"She called Mikey weird and how he should at least try to act normal. She knows that we have something that we're not telling her and she is not happy about it." I was surprised Brooke was always so nice to me.</p><p>"Mikey did she really say that?" Jayden looked hurt. And Micheal nodded slowly as Arya hugged him. </p><p>"I'll talk to her." I looked over at this one table that was filled with girls one of them being Brooke she looked over and smile waving at me.</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jaydens P.O.V</p><p>As we both walk into our dorm I ask him if he's okay. He responds with the same nod that I've seen him do a thousand times. I close the door behind us only to grab him and push up against the door. I kiss him. The kiss was filled with passion and want. He put his hands on my waist and his touch was intoxicating. </p><p>"Your lips are so soft. I could kiss them all day." I kissed him again. </p><p>"Jayden—  bedroom." I nod and rush him into my room. We kissed until Josh opened his mouth and I slid my tongue in. He was fighting for dominance but it wasn't much of a fight. With every step I took he took one back until he hit my bed frame and he fell onto my bed. The sight was breathtaking. How he looked lying on my bed looking up at me with desire his clothes were gone and he was only left in his boxers. I slowly made my way on to the bed hovering above him. Also half naked which only made his touch send goosebumps up my body. I could feel my blood rushing rushing down and sure enough I had an erection. I palmed at him through his boxers as he moaned and bit his lip the same way he does when his nervous. I started to take of his boxers. </p><p> I gasp as I woke up. What the fuck was that! Laying next to me was Josh. Fuck! I check under the covers to see that we still had our clothes on. The only problem was I was hard. I get up slowly not wanting to wake him up and made my way to the bathroom to take a cold shower. </p><p>Yesterday had not gone well. After finding out my girlfriend was secretly a bitch then to having our first fight. Not to mention my parents breathing down my back. The only joy that I found was when Josh had woken up from a nightmare that cause him to slip. He came to my room asking to sleep with me. It reminded me of when my sister would do the same exact thing. He went into a small ramble about dreams and nightmares I mainly didn't pay attention something between sandman and the boogeyman having fights. I step out of the shower and put my clothes on. Once I start making breakfast Josh walks in holding his stuffed elephant and with his paci in his mouth. He looked so cute. Stop it! You stop it right now! You have a girlfriend and you're straight. </p><p>"Mowning." He rubbed his eyes and sat down on the sofa</p><p>"Morning little one, we have school so why don't you go and get dressed while I finish making breakfast." He nodded and went to his room. The microwave went off telling me the eggs were done. I then put some bread to toast up and some hotdogs in the microwave. Once everything was done Josh came out of his room and sat back down on the sofa. He was wearing a strawberry hoodie with some jeans and converse. He seemed to have gotten out of his headspace. "Here you go Joshie." I handed him his plate. He thanked me for the meal but instead of eating he just picked at it. </p><p>"I know you don't like eating in the morning but you need some energy, at least eat the eggs and toast you can leave the hot dogs." He listened and finished all his eggs and toast. <br/>"Good job eating all your eggs." I mess with his hair and he smiled. The smile was real not the fake one he gives in class or lunch. It hurt me to think that someone would ever intentionally harm him. It was like kicking a puppy. Once I finished the dishes we headed off to class. I looked over at Josh and he was messing with his fingers. He does that a lot. </p><p>"Hey are you sure you want to go to his class? We could skip and go to the dean to request a change in teachers." </p><p>"I'm fine." Although he said it I'm pretty sure he wasn't he was biting his lip and playing with his fingers something I've never seen him do at the same time. </p><p>"If you don't want to go just say so instead of saying you're fine when you are obviously scared." </p><p>"Okay, I am scared and I don't want to go." I felt bad for saying it like that. </p><p>"Good, now we can go somewhere else." I took his hand in mine and walked off campus. </p><p>"Where?"</p><p>"It's a surprise. Don't worry we'll be back in time for second period." I walked him to my car and buckled him into the passenger seat. I got in and started driving.</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I parked outside of the mall walking over to Josh's side helping him out. </p><p>"Why are we at the mall?" </p><p>"I told you it's a surprise." After walking around for a bit I stopped at one small clothing shop within the mall. As we both entered Josh seemed confused. </p><p>"Why are we here? Do you need clothes?" I give a small smile and shake my head. I take his hand and lead him to the back of the store. Opening the door and sliding in the boring clothing store had turned into a bright colored shop covered in different type of clothing and materials specifically made for littles. I turn to Josh and see his eyes widen with excitement and a huge smile that I haven't seen in a while.</p><p>"This is so cool." </p><p>"Come get some things that you need." </p><p>"But I didn't bring my wallet." </p><p>"Well good since I planned on buying from the beginning—and don't try to decline it." Josh was about to protest but shut his mouth. I grabbed a shopping cart. The shopping cart was also different then normal ones. It was much larger so that if wanted anyone could sit in the seat that would normally be for actual babies. I lifted Josh up causing him to gasp. He was lighter than he looked but that didn't shock me considering how little he ate. I put him in and began walking around. <br/>"I think we have at least 30 minutes before having to go back." He nodded and started messing with his fingers again. I stopped in front of an aisle filled with pacifiers and bottles. </p><p>"Which one do you like?" He looked a bit. </p><p>"You shouldn't waste y-your money on me." </p><p>"I'm not wasting it, plus I want to now go on pick."  He looked some more before pointing at a baby blue pacifier. I grabbed it and put it in the cart. "You can pick more you know." He nodded and picked a pacifier with an elephant on it and a pink one after asking if it was okay. <br/>"Which one?" I asked holding a bottle and sippy cup. He pointed to the bottle and I grab a few and put in the cart. Josh was no longer messing with his fingers and he stopped looking down and picked up his head. His face looked softer and eyes wider. He seemed relaxed. I think he's in his headspace. The only times I've seen him in it he was still stressed and anxious. I move to clothing. Josh picks some onesies a baby blue hoodie that seemed a size too big but I let him get it. He got a few more shirts and knee high socks. I brought him to the toy section and his eyes lit up. </p><p>"Jay wook." He was pointing to a stitch stuffie<br/>"Stitchie." I smile and give it to himself. He snuggles into it rubbing it against his face. He picked some other toys and we headed to the counter. Waiting in line Josh was staring at something. I tried to see what he was looking at but couldn't figure out what it was.</p><p>"What is it buddy?" He immediately stopped staring and shook his head.</p><p>"Nofing." </p><p>"You can tell me if you want something you should say it now before we pay." His face started turning red and he was biting his lip and messing with his fingers. It must have been very embarrassing for him. He quickly pointed at a pack of diapers. I walk over to them grab a pack and put it in the cart. </p><p>"Not mad?" His eyes were glossy and he looked like he was about to cry. </p><p>"Of course not why would I be mad? Babies need diapers." He gave a small smile and we finally reached the counter. </p><p>"Ohh he's absolutely adorable. How old is he?" The cashier asked she  looked a slightly older than us. Josh kept his head down but I saw his ears turn red</p><p>"I'm not quite sure but I'm pretty sure he's around 1 or 2."</p><p>"He's so small. Anyways the total is 162." I nod and finish paying. It was quite a lot of carry. I only let Josh carry the bags that were lighter. Putting everything in my car and buckling up Josh who was still cuddling Stitch. It was a five minute drive back to campus but we arrived at the end of third period. </p><p>"I thought you said we would be back by second period?" He was already back out his headspace</p><p>"Yeah I did but I guess we took to long. Go on to your fourth period class while I put these away."  </p><p>"Thank you for everything Jayden."  </p><p>"No need to thank me now go on." He nodded and hurried off to class. I quickly made my way to our dorm and put everything away. As I was walking to my class my phone started ringing. I pull it out and read the caller ID with a sigh. </p><p>"Brooke"</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I answer the phone hoping I wasn't going to regret it.</p><p>"What is it?" </p><p>"Well hello to you too." She sounded pissed. </p><p>"Just get this over with why are calling me." </p><p>"I wanna at least fix what happened yesterday." </p><p>"Oh how I had to find out that you are a two faced bitch from my friends because I was too blind to see it myself." </p><p>"One don't call me a bitch, two I apologized for that incident with Micheal a long time ago, and three don't call me two faced when I'm not the only one hiding something. You and your whole entire group of friends act strange and secretive." I roll my eyes. I felt like I could no longer stand her. </p><p>"Babe you cant blame me for being a little suspicious. I'm your girlfriend you shouldn't hide things from me." Her voice made a huge change. She sounded calmer now.</p><p>"You don't have to know everything about me just like I don't know everything about you." </p><p>"What are you talking about you know everything about me. That's how much I trust you." </p><p>"Alright we will talk later I have to get to class bye." I hang up on her and head to my class. </p><p>Josh Pov</p><p>I was in public speaking everyone had to go up and give their speech on their thoughts about school uniforms. I could care less about the topic what worried me was going up and speaking. Not to mention that Jayden was so nice that he's got my brain all mushy to the point that I can't think. </p><p>"Joshua." I look up as the teacher called my name. She makes a hand gesture signaling me to go up. I get up and grab my paper. </p><p>"Um -shit she said we can't say things like that- s-school uniforms limit students abilities to express themselves and— I'm sorry Josh can you speak a little louder." I have a quick nod and raised my voice a bit. </p><p>"School uniforms limit student abilities to express themselves. It's ridiculous to think that bullying will decrease by just making everyone wear the same thing. Uh bullies will still find a way to tease people like their hair or just their personality. Also it is proven that students can lose their sense of identity and self expression." I quickly finished talking and sat back down glad it was over. My body relaxed but my heart was still racing. I know I did a terrible job we weren't supposed to stutter or stop. And we had to speak loud and clear. I'm sure that was anything but. This whole class drains the life out of me. I just want to go to my room already. </p><p>Most of my teachers questioned my absence and I just told them I was sick. It wasn't a lie I was sick just not medically I'll more like sick of myself. Lunch came by quicker than I thought. As I sat next to Jayden, Brooke made her way over. </p><p>"Are we gonna talk now?" I looked at Jayden and he looked frustrated. He agreed and they went to a empty space in the cafeteria. I wonder what they're talking about. </p><p>"So Joshie wanna have a sleepover tonight! It's gonna be so much fun! We can stay up eat candy watch movies and eat candy!" Micheal was bouncing in his seat speaking rather loudly. </p><p>"Mikey inside voice ok." Arya said. </p><p>"Um isn't it only Tuesday?" </p><p>"So just because it's Tuesday doesn't mean we can't have fun!" He was still loud but slightly quieter than before. "Jay Jay says we can't have one unless you say it's ok so please super please can we have one." </p><p>"Oh uh ok" </p><p>"Yay thank you! thank you! thank you!" He had ran to my side and pulled me into a hug. </p><p>"Mikey sit down and finish eating you don't want Josh to die of suffocation do you?" With that being said he quickly let go and sat back in his seat. </p><p>"Can we go to the sleepover?" Felix asked Tyrone. </p><p>"Of course but you're not sleeping in late because it's a pain to get you up in the morning." </p><p>"Yay! Everyone will be there." </p><p>"Everyone will be where?" Brooke and Jayden had come back from there conversation. She had her arm in his and they both sat down. </p><p>"Nowhere just about lunch tomorrow." Micheal lied. No one said anything about it though. She looked at him with a weird face and turned to Jayden. </p><p>"Are you guys planning something without me?" She sounded hurt. I felt bad for not including her. She shouldn't be lied to. </p><p>"It's just a guys sleepover." </p><p>"Oh then why is Arya going?" </p><p>"Because i secretly have a dick. I just didn't want you to know." I chuckle it was funny but mean. Arya gives me a small smile and puts her finger to her lips. "Don't tell anyone." She whispered. </p><p>"That's ridiculous. How come I can't join?" She have a little pout the question was meant for Jayden. </p><p>"Well because it's just something I'm doing with me and my friends you do stuff with yours all the time." </p><p>"I never say you can't come you're more than welcome too actually. You are way more fun than they are." That's not a nice thing to say about your friends. </p><p>"Just leave it be. I thought we agreed that you'd give me my space and I'll do the same." </p><p>"Fine, whatever" she got up and left to a different table with her friends. </p><p>"You still haven't broken up with her!" </p><p>"It's not easy Mikey besides that was only one fight that we've had. I should at least give her a second chance." </p><p>"Fine as long as she doesn't come to our sleepover." </p><p>"She won't." With that everyone started talking about ideas for the sleepover. Jayden had a lot of cool ideas. Every now and then I would look over to see Brooke staring at us as she spoke with her friends. She did not look happy. But the look she gave me when Jayden fed me one of my french fries was the scariest one I've seen in my life.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>  "Micheal and Felix will most likely be in their little spaces during the sleepover. You don't have to if you're uncomfortable but just letting you know that you don't have to be big tonight." Jayden has explained almost exactly how he thought the sleepover was gonna go. I was both excited and nervous I haven't seen the others in their headspaces and they haven't seen me fully in mine. I helped Jayden set everything up. The sofa was covered with pillows and one big blanket that Jayden had. Jayden had ordered some pizza for everyone. I went to my room to squeeze in finishing my homework before everyone had arrived. As I was in the middle of Biochem homework Micheal bursts into my room. </p><p>"Joshie! I'm here and I brought candy!" He raised two white plastic bags that were filled with candy. "Come on let's get started." He grabbed my arm and dragged me out of my room. </p><p>"Mikey calm down remember inside voice." Arya was sitting on the sofa talking with Jayden.</p><p>"Sorry mommy." I looked at Micheal but he looked exactly the same to me. Granted he was wearing Spider-Man pjs he didn't look different. That was the first time I've heard him call Arya mommy so I'm guessing he's in his headspace. He brought me to kitchen and sat down eating some of the candy he brought. I sat down next to him. "Here take." He offered some of his candy to me.</p><p>"Thank you." He had so many from twizzlers to gummy bears. I grabbed the twizzlers my favorite. </p><p>"Hello peeps." Tyrone and Felix walked in caring some bags. "I brought the soda!" Tyrone had announced. Felix was wearing a pikachu onesie. He saw us and sat next us while Tyrone sat on the sofa with Arya and Jayden. </p><p>"Felix we has candy!" He smiles and grabs a whole bunch of tootsie rolls. When we are halfway done with the first bag of candy Arya came. </p><p>"I think that's enough candy for now. We don't want you guys getting tummy aches." She took the bags of candy and placed them in the cupboards. </p><p>"But mommy, want sweets." Micheal was not happy he gave Arya a pout and some crocodile tears. </p><p>"You can have them later habib." He huffed and crosses his arms. "But want now." </p><p>"You are doing such a good job at being a good boy you don't want to ruin that do you?" I looked at Micheal who shook his head. "Then you'll have to wait a little bit. Okay?" </p><p>"Otay." She kisses the top of his head. "Come on." She took his hand and brought him to the sofa and me and Felix followed. We all sat on the sofa I'm surprised it fit all of us. </p><p>"Alright what are we gonna watch?" Jayden had the remote ready to pick something. </p><p>"101 Dalmatians!" Micheal suggested. </p><p>"No Mulan." Felix said.</p><p>"Lilo and Stitch?" They looked at me and Jayden smiled.</p><p>"Lilo and Stitch it is." He started to put it on.</p><p>"No fair, Joshie is Jaydens favorite." </p><p>"Don't worry bud we will watch 101 Dalmatians next and then Mulan." He put it on and sat down next to me. All of us were snuggled into the blanket. </p><p>"Saving the best for last." I overheard Tyrone whisper to Felix. It seemed to cheer him up. I looked over to see Felix and Micheal in the laps of their mommy and daddy. I wanted to sit on Jaydens lap too but he might not like that. As I watched the movie my mind started getting fuzzy and I could feel myself slipping.  </p><p>"Daddy look Lilo sad." Felix had also slipped just like Mikey. He also didn't look any different I don't know why but I expected them to be a different person. The only difference with Felix is that he seems a little energetic than his normal calm self. </p><p>"Yeah because the mean girl said mean things." </p><p>"Why she mean?" </p><p>"Because some people are just like that. You know like Brooke." Jayden's head snapped to Tyrone with a look that said to stop. </p><p>"Yeah Brooke is a meanie." </p><p>"Shh enjoy the movie baby." Tyrone said quickly ending the small conversation. I curled up more into the blanket bringing my thumb to my mouth as I watched the movie. </p><p>"Ohana means family and family means no one gets left behind." Everyone had said the famous quote. I watched as Arya and Tyrone hug Micheal and Felix. I hope I find someone as great as them. I hadn't expected it but Jayden has pulled me into his lap and hugged me just like the other were being hugged. I smiled. His hug had seemed to wake up a million butterfly's in my tummy. I stayed in his lap until the movie finished. The pizza had arrived shortly after the movie had finished. </p><p>"Yay pizza!" Felix had jumped off of Tyrone's lap and ran to the door. Taking the pizza. Arya paid for it. </p><p>"Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!" Mikey was bouncing on the sofa chanting. </p><p>"Mikey stop jumping." He jumped off the sofa and ran to Arya. We got out some paper plates Jayden gave everyone some pizza and Tyrone gave everyone some soda. Jay gave me a slice. </p><p>"Careful it's hot." I nod and sit down in front of the sofa. Jay went into his room and came back out holding one of the new bottles that he had gotten me. He poured some soda into it and handed it to me. </p><p>"Thank you." </p><p>"Your welcome good job in using your manners little one." The praise he gave me made me happy and gave me even more butterflies. Both Felix and Mikey were drinking out of sippy cups. </p><p>"How old is he?" Tyrone asked looking at me. I feel embarrassed for drinking out of a bottle now while Mikey and Felix were drinking from sippy cups. I put the bottle down and just focus on my pizza.</p><p>"Now look at what you did Ty, you embarrassed him. It's okay sweetie it doesn't matter if you're younger than the others." Arya had shoved Tyrone and made her way to me. "how old are you sweetie?" I put up two fingers I didn't really feel like talking anymore. "Aww you're just a little baby. It's okay." She pulled me into her lap and started squishing me in between her arms. I then felt someone hug me from behind. I turn my head and see Mikey hugging me too. His hug was tighter. </p><p>"Let him breathe guys." I was no longer being hugged but Arya still had me in her lap. I got off to eat my pizza but it wasn't there anymore. I look around to see where it had gone. It ran away because it didn't want me to eat him. </p><p>"Pizza gone." I looked under the sofa but it wasn't there. </p><p>"It's right here cariño." Jay picked me up and placed me in his lap. It still shocked me how he was able to pick me up. I look at my plate to see that he had cut the pizza up into tiny pieces. "Say ahh" I giggle and open my mouth as he put in the small piece of pizza. "Is it good?" I nod my head enthusiastically. I turn to see the others being fed too. </p><p>"So Jay what are you gonna do about Brooke?" I felt Jay tense up under me. </p><p>"I don't know she agreed to be nicer to you guys and that she will give me and you guys our space. I don't think she will though considering how she was at lunch." He continued to feed me as he spoke. I wanted more so I grabbed a piece but the sauce mainly ended up on my face then my mouth. </p><p>"Well I hope so she's gotten so annoying these past few days." Tyrone has finished feeding Felix and was cleaning him up. </p><p>"Yeah but you're not one too talk you can be just as equally annoying." Mikey had laughed at what Arya said which make soda come out of his nose. <br/>Mikey has started crying saying it hurt holding on too his nose. "Oh I'm so sorry habibi." She rocked him while rubbing his back. She blew softly on his face that had turned red. His crying had slowed down to only sniffles. </p><p>"Boo boo" he said as he pointed to his noise. Arya kisses his nose all better. After that we all continued eating and watching movies.</p><p>"All done." I showed Jay the empty plate. </p><p>He smiled. "Good job!" He grabbed a napkin and wiped at my face. I squirmed a bit I didn't like how the napkin felt on my face it was too hard. He then gave me my bottle and I drank the soda.</p><p>"Daddy can we build a fort?" Felix asked his daddy. </p><p>"Yes fort! Fort! Wanna make a fort!" </p><p>"Fort?" I looked at Jay and made the best puppy eyes I could. </p><p>"Of course we can make a fort little one." </p><p>"Yay!" I bounced a bit as he put me down on the ground. </p><p>"Alright I'll move the sofa and you get the blankets okay?" I nod firmly and go on my mission to get all the blankets. This gonna be the biggest fort ever! I went to my room and grabbed all my blankets and went to the sofa to put them down. Jay and Tyrone had started turning the sofa the other way while Mikey was sitting on it. </p><p>"Weeeee" I then go into Jay's room to grab his blankets. As I enter his room it looked different then before. The posters were still up and his bed was the same but some things stood out like the stuffies in the corner and some bags that were peeking out at the top of his closet. I knew what was in them but I focused on getting Jays blankets. When I grabbed all of them two things stood out. Stitch and a bright blue blanket that Jay had bought for me. I quickly grabbed the two items before leaving his room. Arya has started pinning the blankets together and they also moved the small couch that no one really sat in. </p><p>"This good?" I asked before setting the blankets down on the sofa. </p><p>"It's perfect Josh thank you for helping." I smiled and sat down on the sofa with my stitch and blankie waiting for them to finish. </p><p>I heard Mikey gasp. "I wove your Stitch! Look I has Spidey." He ran to his bag that he had brought and took out a spidey stuffie. Felix than got off and went to his bag. </p><p>"I has pikachu stuffie." We sat down on the sofa playing with our stuffies. </p><p>"Spidey is da best he can beat up both Stitch and Pikachu." </p><p>"No because pikachu will blast him and stitch with his thunderbolt." </p><p>"No cebause Stitch is alien and has sharp nails and teeth rawr." I don't see how spidey and pikachu is better than stitch. Besides Jay got him for me which means he's the best. </p><p>"Alright kiddos fort is all set." Tyrone said picking up Felix and bringing him into the fort. I look behind me to see the fort was huge! With all the blankets leaning off the sofa and some chairs for the sides. The top was all covered up but the front was wide open so we can see the tv. Jay came and picked me up to bring me inside the fort. There were so many pillows and blankets. He set me down and laid next to me. I snuggled into him holding Stitch and my blankie. </p><p>"I see you that you found the things I got for you. Do you like them?" He put his arm around me bringing me closer.</p><p>"Mhm" I said softly.</p><p>"That's good but I think you forgot something." What did I forget? I look up at him and tilt my head.</p><p>"You forgot this." He then pulls out the pink paci that he also got me. He brought it to my lips and I suckled on it. It calmed me down even more than I already was. </p><p>"Mommy can I has the candy now?" Mikey and Arya were the only ones who weren't in the fort yet. I heard a sigh and a quick yes before Mikey had come to the fort and laid next to me while Arya laid next to him. </p><p>"Ohh he's so cute." Arya said which made me blush and hide my face in Jays chest. My nose filled with his scent. It smelled like leather and wood. The same smell from when I wake ups in his room last time. Jay had turned on the tv and put on Mulan, so I stopped hiding my face and watched the movie. I took out my paci and gave it to Jay so he can keep it safe. I grabbed some candy from the bag that was sitting on Mikey's lap.</p><p>"Careful sit up so you don't choke." He helped me sit up so our backs were leaning on the back of the sofa. After we all finished eating the other half of the bag I felt sticky. </p><p>"Icky." Jay left and then came back. He had some wipes and cleaned my hands. And then he started cleaning my face. I whined I don't like it when he cleans my face. </p><p>"Just hold still so I can finish cleaning you sweetie." I listened and then when he was all done we both laid down. I was close to Jay the only thing between us was Stitch who I was holding tight. My blankie was covering me. It was so fluffy and I liked how it felt on my face. Jay then gave me my paci back and I suckled on it paying attention to the movie. The bright colors were cool and the music was catchy and fun. </p><p>We are in the middle of the movie and I feel sleepy. I yawned. And then I heard two more yawns but not from me. <br/>"Alright I think it's bedtime." I heard Tyrone say. I felt moving before Jay picked me up. </p><p>"The littles can sleep in Josh's room and the rest of us can crash in mine." I didn't like that I wanted Jay to be next to me. I felt him walking and then I saw my bedroom. He went to put me down but I didn't want to so I held on. "Josh let go you need to go to bed." I still held on. "Josh what's wrong?" </p><p>"Seep wif you." The paci made it even harder to form words. I heard a chuckle and an aw.</p><p>"Alright you can sleep with me." Arya and Tyrone tucked Felix and Mikey in my bed. As Jay made his way to his room.</p><p>"Looks like he has you wrapped around his finger." </p><p>"Ty shut up." I put me down on his bed and I crawls to the side close to the wall. Jay then laid down next to me.</p><p>"Wait there's no room on your bed for all of us." </p><p>"Sucks for you two, sleep on the floor." I smile and laugh a bit. </p><p>"No way I'm sleeping on the floor I'm taking the fort Ty you can sleep on the floor." Then Arya left the room.</p><p>"No way I'm sleeping on the sofa don't blame me if the blankets fall and suffocate you." And with that Tyrone also left the room. I snuggled close to da-Jay as played with my hair and I soon went off to dreamland.</p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>  Warning: this chapter has some homophobic slurs that may be offending to others.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I woke up in the classroom. It was dark and hot. And then I saw him. That evil smile and those eyes that seemed to look into my soul. He made his way over to me but I ran. I ran to other side of the classroom and opened the door to run away as far as I could. But the moment I opened the door my mom stood there. Her face was filled with discuss and her eyes burned into me. </p><p>"After everything I've done the one thing I don't want you to do and you go behind my back and do it. You are a freak and a huge disappointment. Why can't you be like you big brother." She said her voice dripping with hate.  I turn to try and get out through the window. My father than appears. </p><p>"I wish I never had you. You're a disgrace to me. You faggot!" He grabs my hair and drags me out of the classroom. I try to get out but his grip is too strong. "You let yourself get raped like a slut and don't even bother telling authorities instead you act like a pussy crying like a goddamn baby!" The moment he lets my hair go I scramble onto my feet trying to get away. Only to bump into my brother. </p><p>"Always knew you were weak." He says calmly with a grin. I turn and see Jessie. The look she gave me almost broke my heart my sweet little sister looked at me that if looks could kill I would have been six feet under. </p><p>"Josh I thought you were big and cool but you just act like a baby that's gross. You're gross." And then she runs off. She didn't call me Joshie. </p><p>"No please, I'm not I swear I'm not gross or weak." All I could do was sob on the floor contradicting what I was trying so hard to prove. A pair of feet come close to me and I look up. The face I see is Jayden and it terrifies me. I have never seen him make that face before. </p><p>"The only reason I'm taking care of you is out of pity. You seriously think I would want you over Brooke? Newsflash you are just a pathetic freak that no one wants." After that I couldn't hold back my tears and started wailing. <br/>"Pathetic" was the last thing he said. Everyone disappeared leaving me alone in the long empty hallway. </p><p>"Wake up. Josh wake up." </p><p>I woke up and my heart was racing. I felt someone next to me and moved as far as I could. I wanted to scream and cry but I couldn't breathe. </p><p>"Hey hey look at me it's okay you're okay it was just a nightmare." I look and see Jayden in front of me holding my arms to stop my flailing. "Breathe ok just breathe." He started breathing loudly and I copied his breathes. My heart slowly stopped beating so fast. And my head was getting clearer. The clearer it got the more I realized where I was. I wasn't in the hallway. I was laying in Jaydens bed. A smell different from Jayden hit my nose. I was mortified. I had wet the bed. Not only the bed it was Jaydens bed. I was no longer little I was awake and very much big. I should have known. This shit always happens when I go to bed little. I even forgot to go to the bathroom. Stupid. </p><p>"Sorry" geez I sound pathetic. </p><p>"For what?" Did-did he not know? </p><p>"Wet." I felt the tears stream down my face. I felt embarrassed beyond imagination and just hid my face in my hands. </p><p>"Oh don't worry about that. I should have known better and diapered you especially since you were so little." Great now he feels bad when he shouldn't be. I should I wet the bed. I shake my head. I feel Jayden come closer and put his arms around me. "It's alright it was just an accident. You can't help it." The way he was talking to me made my head all fuzzy all over again. But I didn't want to be in my headspace right now. "Come on let's get you cleaned up. It's a good thing most of the blankets I had are in the living room now." He opened his hand for me to take. I look down ashamed but put my hand in his and he helped me off the bed. My pjs were cold and clammy and I felt very uncomfortable. I watched as he stripped the bed of its cover and threw it in the hamper. "I'll head to laundromat and wash them after school." I felt like I should apologize again and so I did. "I'm really sorry."</p><p>"Cariño it's alright no need to be sorry." He then took my hand and led me to the bathroom. It was still dark out and everyone else was asleep. We walked into the bathroom and he turned on the shower. "Do you want me to help or are you good on your own?" He asked. </p><p>"I'm good." He left the bathroom and I stripped myself of my wet clothes. I took a quick shower and walked out in only a towel. Jayden was outside waiting for me. </p><p>"Good job come on let's get you dressed." He took my hand again and I could already feel myself slipping. I tried stopping but it only made my head hurt. It was weird I can usually take myself out of headspace and put myself in without a problem. We went back to his room and he took out some clothes that he got from the store. He also took out the pack of diapers which made my face go red. "Are you okay with wearing the diapers. I doubt you'll have another accident tonight but you know just to be safe. Of course you don't have to if you don't want to." I thought about it and I really didn't want to be seen by the others but I also didn't want to ruin Jays mattress anymore. </p><p>"Okay. But I can put it on myself." Jay nodded he opened the package and then turned around. I grabbed one and laid down on his bed. It was difficult than I thought but I managed I stood back up it sagged a little bit I think I did good. "Done." Jayden turned around and looked at me. </p><p>"You did it wrong little one. Here let me help." He laid me down on his bed and undid the diaper putting it back on a little tighter than before but not too much. He also made sure not to look at my privates his eyes were focused on me. "There you go all better." The diaper felt soft and comforting. It made me feel even smaller than I have ever been. He then got me dressed in a sky blue onesie that said little one and clipped it near the crotch. "All cleaned up." I smiled and put my hands up making grabby hands. He picked me up and I laid my head in the crook of his neck. He'd be a very good daddy too bad he'll never want me. He then got in his bed with me in his lap. The pee didn't go through the cover so the mattress was dry. "Want me to sing you a lullaby." I nod and he gives me my stitch and paci. I wanted my blankie but it got wet so it was also in the hamper.</p><p>"Los pollitos dicen, pío, pío, pío, cuando tienen hambre, cuando tienen frío. La gallina busca el maíz y el trigo, les de la comida y les presta abrigo. Bajo sus dos alas acurrucaditos, duerman los pollitos hasta el otro día." I didn't understand the lullaby but his voice was soft and filled with dream dust swaying me into a deep sleep.</p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The alarm went off waking me up. But I chose to ignore it. Instead I just cuddled into Jayden's chest. The alarm continued for a bit before it completely stopped. </p><p>"Josh time to get up." Jayden started shaking me I whined and bury myself deeper into his chest. I didn't want to go to school and waking up in the middle of the night had drained me. <br/>"Come on we have to go to school." He then got off the bed making me face plant onto the mattress. "Man my arm fell asleep." I turn my head to see Jayden shaking the arm I fell asleep on. I sit up and yawned. "Are you dry?" Jayden asked. I looked down and nodded. I forgot for a second that Jayden had put me in a diaper last night. "That's good, how old are you right now?" </p><p>"18" I said. Jayden had begun getting dressed. He took off his shirt showing his muscles. He looked hotter without a shirt on. I wish I had muscles. After I realized I was staring I looked the other way. </p><p>"Go on and get dressed. We have to wake up the others soon."I nod and peered out the door.  Arya and Ty were both asleep on the couch but they weren't in there pjs. That's weird I could have sworn I saw them with some pjs. I head to my room opening the door slowly Felix and Micheal were also still asleep tucked in my bed. I go in and quickly change hiding the unused diaper deep into my closet so if they were to wake they wouldn't find it. I changed into some boxers jeans and a white t shirt with a plaid shirt and of course my converse. I decided to wake them up. Micheal looked peaceful and he's a pretty sleeper I'm shocked on how it is possible for his hair to look perfect and face to look so soft as he's sleeping. </p><p>"Micheal wake up." I shake him a bit and he starts to stir. </p><p>"But mommy I don't wanna go to school." He mumbled and rolled onto his side. </p><p>"It's Joshua your mommy is in the living room you need to get up." He stirred a bit and got up rubbing his eyes. This is the most calm I have seen him since the day I met him. "Otay" he got up slowly and left the room probably to go to Arya so I went to wake up Felix. Felix unlike Micheal was not a pretty sleeper. His limbs were all tangled together his hair stuck to his face and mouth wide open with drool dripping on to my pillow. </p><p>"Felix wake up." His eyes snapped open and he got up so quickly he scared me to the point that I screamed. </p><p>"What happened?!" Tyrone and Jayden said in unison they were both at the door looking around. </p><p>"N-Nothing Felix just scared me a bit." </p><p>"Sorry I didn't mean to." Felix apologized and walked to Tyrone. </p><p>"It's fine." I fixed my bed a bit Jayden helped me and then we went to the living room where everyone was. The fort had been taken down and the furniture was put back in its place. Micheal and Felix were changing into the extra clothing they brought. My phone started ringing. I checked the ID it read mom. I already know what she wants. I go back into my room and answer. </p><p>"Joshua Brightly why haven't you returned my calls? And why weren't you in class last week? Do you know Me. Forthe called me about how you missed your weekly appointment? That's it I knew it was a bad idea for you to be far from home you're coming back home as soon as possible. I can only imagine what you've been up to." </p><p>"Mom relax-"</p><p>"Relax?! You don't tell me to relax young man who do you think your talking to?" </p><p>"Mom I had the flu."</p><p>"What why didn't you call me? How bad was it?  You could have had an asthma attack and ended up in the ICU again."</p><p>"Mom I'm fine I'm feeling much better now and going to class. I'll be at my next appointment. I have to go now bye I love you."</p><p>"I love you too be careful alright and next time call me." I hung up and walk back into the living room.</p><p>"Ty I told you stop!" I turn to see Arya running around in the kitchen from Tyrone who had some a bowl filled with some batter. </p><p>"The fact that you tell me to stop makes it so much more enjoyable." He laughed grabbing the spoon and putting some on her face. It was quite funny. </p><p>"Hurry up and finish making the waffles we'll have to leave soon god you're so stupid." </p><p>"I'm not stupid, just goofy... like Scooby Doo." Arya rolled her eyes and took the batter from him pouring it into the waffle maker she gave us. </p><p>"Joshieeee Felix is so mean." Micheal hugged me from behind whining out my name. </p><p>"Am not Arya already told you you can't have candy for breakfast."</p><p>"Joshie will let me have candy won't you Joshie?" He was in front of me looking at me with big sad eyes. I wanted to tell him it's ok to eat the candy but His mommy said no. </p><p>"That's because he's to nice to say no. Which Arya told you." Jayden appeared next to me and pulled Micheal off of me. Micheal gave a humph. "No fair." With that he stormed off.</p><p>"Isn't he gonna get out of his headspace for school?" I looked at Jayden who shook Ed his head.</p><p>"Nope hell just wait until the last second besides his headspace is more of a five year old so he's not that noticeable. Plus big him already acts like one so no one suspects anything." </p><p>"Breakfast is served!" Tyrone called. The waffles tasted good. Arya even put some berries in it. Although me and Felix were out of our headspace Tyrone and Jayden still cut up our food.  </p><p>After breakfast me and Jayden walked everyone to there classes before going to ours. I stopped in front of the same classroom in my nightmare. "Hey you can do this alright don't let him get to you." I nod and walked in going to my seat as quick as possible. </p><p>"You're doing such a great job. After school we need to have a talk"</p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>  I sat in biochemistry not fully paying attention but staring at the hands on the clock ticking away. Time seem to stand still but with every minute that passed I grew more anxious. What had I done wrong? What if I didn't do anything wrong but it's something wrong about me? What if he doesn't want to be my caregiver anymore? What if he doesn't want to be friends anymore?! Wait are we friends? I guess so I mean friends do things like eat lunch and have sleepovers. Bell finally rang signaling for lunch. I quickly grab my bag and head out the door. The moment I got out of the classroom my eyes landed on Jayden standing across the hall. </p><p>"Why are you here?" I didn't know his class was in this hallway?</p><p>"Well I'm walking you to lunch besides my class is nearby." I nod and we head to the cafeteria. I wanted to ask him what he wanted to talk to me about. It's been killing me all morning. "Um w-what did you want to talk to me about?" He stopped walking and just looked at me slightly squinting his eyes. He probably needs glasses if he has to squint to see me when I'm standing right next to him</p><p>"Don't worry about it it's really nothing just wanted to have a small discussion about your littlespace." He said that last part quietly and he starts walking again. I nod. That really didn't ease my anxiety but he said not to worry about it so it must be not be something worth getting worked up for. That still didn't mean I was fully calm. As we walked into the cafeteria we sat down at our usual table. </p><p>"Joshie how was your day? My day was so bad. First Arya didn't let me have any candy this morning and then I had a test which is the worst because it was calculus like why do we need calculus it's so stupid." I chuckle a bit. He was right calculus was stupid. </p><p>"It was okay." Not really if anything it was terrible. First period I had Mr. Richards looking at me the whole time and then he asked to see me after class. Jayden tried to stay but he told him to head to class. He told me that if I were to ever tell anyone no one will believe me and even if they did he will make my life a living hell which it already is but besides that, I got a bad grade on my public speaking presentation. And my mom tested me to say that she moved my appointment to tomorrow since I missed last weeks. </p><p>"Go get some lunch you haven't eaten anything since breakfast." Jayden said and of course I listened. I headed to the long line waiting for my turn. That's when Brooke got in line right behind me. </p><p>"Hey Joshua." I nod and give a small wave. </p><p>"So you and Jayden have been getting pretty close huh?" </p><p>"Uh yeah I guess he's a good friend." </p><p>"Yeah he is and even a better boyfriend. Do you have a girlfriend Joshua?" I shake my head. If anything that's the last thing I'll probably ever have. </p><p>"How come you're so cute any girl would love to be in a relationship with you you're also the shy type which some people dig. Oh wait are you like Felix?" What's that supposed to mean? </p><p>"I-I'm sorry what?" </p><p>"You know gay? Are you gay?" God why is this line so slow. </p><p>"Uh yeah I guess." </p><p>"You guess? It's either you are or your not." </p><p>"Um I am." </p><p>"Oh that's great I always wanted a gay friend I mean sure Felix and Ty but I'm not really close to them. Hey why don't we hang out after school?" </p><p>"Um well I can't. J-Jayden wants to talk to me and after that I need to go to the doctor." I felt bad for lying about the doctor thing just so I wouldn't have to see her. </p><p>"Oh what about?" </p><p>"Hmm?"</p><p>"What does Jayden want to talk to you about?"</p><p>"Uh i don't know. He just said he wants to talk to me." That wasn't completely a lie I honestly don't know what he wants to talk about just an idea from what he told me. Finally the line had started moving quickly. They were serving spaghetti with the same mushed vegetables as always and some stale bread. I'm pretty sure prison food is better than this. I headed towards my table.</p><p>"Hey Josh wait u-" I turn and see her trip her tray went flying forward and onto me. My white shirt now had red stains and vegetables were on my shoes. "Oh my gosh Josh is so sorry." She grabbed some napkins and started wiping at my shirt. If anything she only made it worse by spreading it.</p><p>"That's fine d-don't worry about it." I quickly button up my plaid shirt covering the white one. I wipe the vegetable off my shoes and head back hoping that the others didn't notice. I sat down in my seat nobody seemed to have seen the incident or if they did they haven't mentioned it yet. </p><p>"The sleepover was really fun when can we do it again!" Micheal even without having any candy this morning was still his usual hyper self. Brooke came over at that moment.</p><p>"Yeah and when you do I'd love to be invited to the next one." Ty quickly changed the topic to video games and about some new update in pub g. </p><p>"Whatever do you guys mind if I steal Jay for a sec." we all shook our heads and they left to talk in private. </p><p>"But seriously guys when can we have another sleepover?" </p><p>"Soon I hope I loved seeing baby Josh." Arya had said. My cheeks fired up and I look down. I didn't like that Mikey and Felix were just like me yet I still somehow manage to stand out from them. </p><p>"Right it reminded me of Felix when he first started regressing around me." I look at Tyrone and Felix. So Felix used to be the same age as me when he regressed. </p><p>"What are you talking about? I was never that young." </p><p>"No but you were so clingy never wanting me to leave your side. Josh was like that with Jayden all night." God was I? <br/>"Me and ty even woke up early and checked on you guys and look so cute I might just act like those other people and go uwu." She showed her phone to all of us and I was shocked. A picture of me and Jayden cuddling me sucking on the pacifier wearing the very noticeable diaper underneath the onesie. </p><p>"W-why would you take a picture?" </p><p>"I'm sorry josh you were just so cute."</p><p>"So you don't think it's weird?"</p><p>"What?" Everyone had asked they looked shocked and maybe a little mad.</p><p>"Josh sweetie why would we think it's weird sure you have a younger headspace but that all. If it's I'm about the diaper thing Mikey here used to wear them." She whispered she then showed me a photo of Micheal playing with some blocks in nothing but a diaper. </p><p>"He stopped though because he didn't really like wearing them."</p><p>"Yeah I don't like how it feels but I don't care if you do." I started to relax. I don't know how I got so lucky in finding these people. </p><p>"If you want I'll delete it. I should have asked before taking a picture of you." I felt bad that I made her feel bad besides it was only a picture and she would never like post it or blackmail me she was nice. </p><p>"No it's okay you can keep it." She smiles and put her phone away. They went back to talking about video games and I just sat back and listened to them feeling at ease for once. Of course that ended. I gasped as I suddenly became cold and wet. And all I saw was pink. I wiped my eyes. Everyone was staring at me. Everyone. Arya looked pissed. Everyone at the table did except Felix his face was more pity than pissed.</p><p>"That's what you get for being a man stealer." I did not recognize the voice I turn around heck I didn't recognize the person. </p><p>"Tandy what the fuck!" That was Jay. I see Jay storming over and Brooke following right behind. </p><p>"What it's what he deserves poor Brooke has to put up with your cheating ass and you go for someone like him when you have her right in front of you!"</p><p>"What?! I'm not cheating on her." </p><p>"Oh please we all see how you act with him heck you even shared your food with him once. I've never seen you do that with Brooke since you're so bitchy about people touching your food. Just to let you know Brooke dumps your ass! She can definitely do much better come one Brooke."  She tanned Brookes hand storms off. "Tandy you can't just do that!" </p><p>Everyone was silent everyone was staring. I felt their eyes peering into me burning through me. <br/>"Hey Josh you ok come on let's get you cleaned up." I nod that is all I can do. Just nod. My throat felt heavy. I had a lump in my throat. My feet felt heavy and my thoughts felt loud. Everything felt loud. My footsteps slamming on the tile as Jayden walked me out of the cafeteria. "What they did was not right are you sure you're okay?" We had reached the bathroom and thank god it was empty. </p><p>"I'm s-sorry." It was so hard to speak right now. </p><p>"You don't have to apologize at all. It was not your fault you hear me." He started scooping the amount of whatever was in her drink out of my hair. </p><p>"B-but you and Brooke broke up. Y/you got into an argument because of m-me."</p><p>"Listen me and Brooke would have broken up anyway I didn't like her as I did when I met her. And Tandy has no right to do that besides she's always looking for drama." He grabbed some paper towels wetting them and wiping at my now pink stained shirt. "Take of your shirt you might still be able to wear the one under."</p><p>"B-Brooke spilled her food on me too so it's ruined." I heard him sigh. </p><p>"How about we just go home? How about that we only have one period left and it's art so it doesn't really matter." I nod the last thing I wanted to do was have to sit in a class covered in a pink smoothie? What the hell was it that she poured on me. Jay took my hand as we walked to our dorm. When we entered there was nothing I wanted more than to take a quick shower and go to my room to be little. </p><p>"Try to stay big for me for a little while longer okay Josh I want to have that talk now." I nod how did he know I was slipping? I sit down in the couch and Josh sat on the Sofa. </p><p>"So we agreed for me to be your caregiver but we don't really have any rules for you or a sort of system that we can work with." I nodded I felt excited ive never had rules before. </p><p>"Alright so I think the first rule should be no cursing." I nod that was reasonable. "Second no hitting or biting I doubt you'll do that anyway." I nod I've never bitten anyone before well except that Tim when the dentist put his fingers in my mouth but that was by accident. <br/>"Third this one is really important I want you to eat at least two meals a day okay." I didn't really like that one I much rather snack on things but I wanna be good so I don't complain. "The fourth one is also super important I want you to tell me how you feel or and if something is bothering you okay don't be afraid to talk to me?" I nod I think I can do that. "Number five ask before eating anything sweet." I nod. "Number six no screaming or tantrums." I nod. I never do that. "Number eight drink plenty of water." I nod. "Nine always use your manners." And ten bed time is at 11. Now let's get you all cleaned up." "Okay." He walked with me to the bathroom and ran a bath he even put some bubbles in it. He turned around so I could get undressed. Once I was in I covered myself with the bubbles.</p><p>"You can look now." He turned around. "Do you want some toys little one?" It was as if he had flipped a switch in my mind and I was immediately in my headspace. I nod enthusiastically. He opened a cabinet that was under the sink and took out some toys. He put a lot of duckies and some cool boats in. "Duckies!" I played with the duckies. "Quack quack." "I'm gonna wash you hair cariño is that okay?" I nod. As he managed the shampoo into my hair I continue playing with my duckies and the boats. "Look Jay the duckies gonna eat the boat." I made the biggest duck swim to the tiny boat and eat it. "Oh no what about all the people on the boat?" </p><p>"They jump off and turn into duckies too." I hear him laugh and then I giggle to. "Lean back sweetie." I do what he says and he washes all the bubbles off my head and the gunk from the mean lady's drink. When he finish cleaning my hair he leaves so I can clean my body. <br/>"Jay all done!" He come back with a fluffy towel and wrapped it around me quickly. He carried me and bent down pulling the drain. He carried me to his room and sat me on his bed. </p><p>"I'm gonna diaper you I'll try my best not look okay." I nod he laid me down on his bed taking off the towel I whined a bit feeling cold and embarrassed. <br/>"I know sweetie don't worry I'll be quick." He quickly put the diaper on me and sat me back up. He dressed me in a onesie with with little stars on them and white knee high socks. He gave me my pink paci and then carried me again. <br/>"You want some chicken nuggies?" I nod nuggies are tasty. He walked to the sofa and started putting me down. Why is he doing that? I don't want to let go of him. I whined and hold on. "I can't make the nuggets if I'm carrying you. Here why don't you watch some tv." He turned on the tv putting Clifford. He did the same thing trying to put me down but I don't him to. I whined some more. "Look I'll be only one minute to put them in the microwave and I'll be right back." I thought about it. </p><p>"Otay bu only one minute." He nodded. And put me down this time I let go and sat on the sofa. I watched the show. How is Clifford so big! I never seen a dog that big before I want one just like it. He's red too. And there's a purple dog. Where's Jay he's been gone forever. I look into the kitchen and see Jay putting the nuggies in the thing to make them hot. I whine he's taking so long. </p><p>"I just finished putting them in I'm coming right now."  He came back finally! He sat down next to me and leaned on him suckling my paci. After a while I heard a beeping noise and then Jay started getting up. </p><p>"Stay?" I asked I give him the same puppy eyes the Mikey gave me.  He sighed and carried me to the kitchen. Yay! He took the nuggies out of the thing and puts it on a plate with dumbo and stitch and Peter Pan. He carries me back to the sofa. And sits me in his lap. I go to reach the nuggies but Jay pulls it away from me. I look at him. </p><p>"It's too hot sweetie gotta let it cool down." I nod and watch the show. After the nuggies cool down Jay cuts it up and feeds me. "Thankies."</p><p>"Your welcome, good job on using your manners." After I finished eating the nuggies I cuddled into his chest. "Are you okay sweetie."</p><p>"Yes Daddy."</p>
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<a name="section0016"><h2>16. 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jaydens pov</p><p>      Daddy? He just called me daddy. What do I do? What do I say? I can't be his daddy that makes this a relationship and I'm not even gay. You're wet dream says other wise. Shut up disembodied voice. I looked at little Josh who was sitting on my lap happily enjoying his cartoons. He didn't seem to care that he had just called me daddy that or he was just to small to notice. I'm gonna have to have a talk with big Josh about this. But to be honest I didn't hate it when he called me it. </p><p>"Daddy can I has big dog wike Cifford?" His words were slightly slurred and his grammar was definitely off but it just made him even more adorable. </p><p>"I don't think so little one a dog like Clifford is too big where would we put him?" He thought for about it for a minute  looking down at his feet. </p><p>"We cans keep him in bad teacher room cebause he too big and room beaks and me no have to go no more." That sentence broke my heart a  bit. I wish he would go and talk to someone about this so they can deal with it. I was about to march straight into the deans office and get this man put in jail the moment Josh told me what happened. I knew Mr. Richards could be strict and bitchy but I never took him for a rapist. Poor Josh stayed crying for a whole week in his room it possibly would have been longer if I hadn't come and tried to help him. What pissed me off is that he had the audacity to ask to see Josh after class and tell me to leave. And whatever he said to Josh had a bad affect on him. </p><p>"That's a good idea bubs." He let out a small and sweet giggle before putting all of his attention back to the screen.</p><p>After about an hour a knock came from the door. I got up to go see it but was stopped by a whine. I gave a small smile and picked Josh up and went to the door. I looked through the peephole to see Arya and everyone else behind her. The second I open the door they all come rushing in. </p><p>"Is he okay? I swear I'm gonna kill that snobby bitch!" </p><p>"Mommy said bad word!" Glad to see Mikey in his littlespace now Josh can play with him. </p><p>"I know baby, I'm sorry but don't copy what I said that was a very bad word to say. Mommy should know better." Arya had quickly notice Josh in my arms with his face hiding in my neck. "Ohhh he's so precious." </p><p>"He's doing fine Arya just a little shaken up is all." </p><p>"Can I play with Josh please JayJay!" Mikey was bouncing up and down. I have no idea where he gets his energy or where Arya finds the patience cause I know how much of a brat Mikey can be. </p><p>"Yes you can, why don't you get some toys that are in my room and bring them over here big guy." He nodded frantically and rushed off to my room. </p><p>"But did you see Brookes face after Tandy broke her up with you she was all "Tandy Tandy you can't do that!" I swear she has a thing for her." Ty said already going through my fridge. </p><p>"Brooke or Tandy?" I ask. He hands a bowl of grapes to Felix and grabs one for himself.</p><p>"What?" </p><p>"Who has a thing for who." </p><p>"Both I don't know but you can sense the sexual tension between the two. Obviously they've made out once. Possibly at a slumber party." </p><p>"Ty how many times do I have to tell you not all girl slumber parties end up with girls making out in the closet." After Arya had made her point Mikey came back with a pile of toys in his arms. He dropped them in the middle of the room. And looked at me waiting to put Josh down. </p><p>"Hey Josh, Mikey wants to play with you, I'm gonna put you down know." I place Josh down on the floor next to Mikey. But the moment I did he started whining so I sat down next to him. </p><p>"Joshie look itsa a train. Choo choo." Josh giggled and copied Mikey. "choo choo"</p><p>"Felix do you wanna play with them?" Ty asked. Felix was hesitant but nodded and went to play with them. Mikey and Felix had started building the train tracks while Josh was just playing with the train. </p><p>"Hey Arya Jay can I talk to you guys for a sec?" Ty asked he moved his head to the direction of my room. </p><p>"Josh I'll be right back okay." He seemed to be okay with it distracting himself with the train so I got up and followed Ty into my room. </p><p>"What's up?" </p><p>"I'm worried about Felix?" </p><p>"What why? What's wrong with him?" Arya asked.</p><p>"I feel like he's pushing back his headspace again." </p><p>"But he was doing so well? Why is he refusing it again?" </p><p>"I don't know I thought we had this past us but it's starting again I was gonna mention it last night but I didn't want to ruin him being in littlespace." </p><p>"When was the last time he regressed before last night?" I asked.</p><p>"A week and before that two weeks. I'm worried what if it's something important and he's not telling me. I want him to come to me when it's something important. Maybe I did something and that's why he's not coming to me." Tears starting falling and his breathing was going faster. </p><p>"Hey calm down. Listen to me you are a great caregiver. You made his life way better. Before he hadn't regressed for two months. Two months Ty. You and him have come so far. Relax and breathe. He will come to you when he is ready you just have to give him a little nudge. Baby him every now and then try to get him into his headspace. Or later when you guys are alone talk to him. Ask him what's going on." </p><p>"Alright." He was slowly calming down. He quickly wiped the tears away from his face. "Sorry bout that." </p><p>"You don't need to be." Arya said and I nodded he shouldn't be sorry.</p><p>"Daddy!" We both rush out of the room. I see Josh and Felix both crying. And Mikey just in the middle looking confused. I pick up Josh and start cradling him. </p><p>"What happened cariño?" He didn't answer he just cried into my shoulder. "What happened?"<br/>I asked again.</p><p>"Booboo." </p><p>"Where's the booboo sweetie?" He pointed to the top of his head. I checked his head he didn't seem to be bleeding which was good. </p><p>I put my hand on top of his head and start rubbing it and singing an old nursery rhyme my mom used to sing when we got hurt. <br/>"Sana sana colita de rana si no sanes hoy tu sanas mañana." I then kiss the top of his head. <br/>"All better?" He nods a little bit sniffling. </p><p>"Wa da mean?" </p><p>"It means heal heal little frogs tail if you don't heal today you heal tomorrow." He started giggling.</p><p>"Daddy I no frog." </p><p>"What? You're not?" He shook his head still giggling. "Well if you were you'd be a very cute frog." </p><p>"Mikey what happened?" Arya was kneeling down in front of him as he sat down. He looked at Felix and Josh contemplating weather he should tell her or not. </p><p>"Well J-Joshie was playing with the train and me and Felix was building tracks for the train Joshie then rolled it very super fast and was doing it a lot of time then he pushed it and it bumped into Felix and hitted his knee. And then Felix got mad because he got hurt and hit Joshie on the head with his hand. And thens they both start crying." He was talking very low and looking down on the floor. </p><p>"Felix is this true?" Ty looked at him with a stern look and Felix bursted into more sobs nodding his head. "Felix you know the rules no hitting." </p><p>"B-but he hits me first." I look at Josh and he was still holding his head with one hand and sucking on his thumb with the other. </p><p>"Joshies too little to know what he's doing and it was by accident Felix what you did was on purpose sweetie." I grab Josh's paci from the floor washing it in the sink. Taking his thumb out I slide the paci in and he begins to suck on it and putting his head in the crook of my neck. <br/>"I'm gonna put you in time out for five minutes and then I want you to apologize to Josh okay?" Felix whined a little before nodding. <br/>"That my good boy." Ty brought him to a corner in the room and sat him down to face it. He put a timer on his phone and walked away. Felix's cries tore at my heartstrings but then again he hit Josh so he needs to learn his lesson. </p><p>"So Jay I'm not gonna pretend that I hadn't heard Josh call you daddy." </p><p>"Is JayJay Joshies daddy now?! I didn't know the JayJay liked boys?" </p><p>"I'm not, and you guys know I'm not gay."</p><p>"What if you're bi like me!" I ruffle Mikeys hair. Maybe I was. I mean I've never felt attracted to man in my life before. But that dream that I had means I must see Josh in some way? Ugh I don't know it's too confusing I'll worry about that later. </p><p>"Maybe bud." </p><p>"Daddy." I look at Josh.</p><p>"Yes little one?"</p><p>"Mmm baba?" What's that? I look at Ty to see if he knows what he means.</p><p>"What? What are you looking at me for?" He's useless.</p><p>"Jay he wants a bottle." Thank god for Arya. </p><p>"Oh thanks Arya." I head to my room and grab one of the bottles I got for him. It had some Disney characters on it like most of the other did. I manage to pour in the milk and heat it up a bit while still carrying him. I sit down on the sofa because my back was killing me and hand him the bottle. He happily takes it and starts drinking. "Tankies" he thanks me as he nuzzles into my arm. </p><p>"Your welcome pumpkin." Felix walks over to us his timeout being done. </p><p>"Im sorry for hitting you Joshie." He apologized sounding very sincere and upset. </p><p>"It otay." Josh says around the teat of the bottle. </p><p>"Go and play with Mikey baby" Felix nods his mood suddenly turning happy as he and Mikey continue building the train tracks. As soon as Josh was done with his bottle he yawned rubbing his eyes with a closed fist.</p><p>"Nap time." I say as I carry Josh into my room laying him down. I tuck him in the now freshly washed blankets and handing him his blue fuzzy blanket. Also handing him Stitch and his elephant. His eyes were drooping when I finished tucking him in and fully closed when I put his paci in. He fell asleep sucking on the paci and cuddling his stuffed animals. The sight was adorable. I took out my phone turning of the flash and quickly took a picture. I was tempted to put it had my home screen but anybody could go in and see it. I turn of the light and leave the door half open so there was a stream of light entering in case he woke up and got scared. I went and joined the others in the living room.</p>
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<a name="section0017"><h2>17. 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Joshuas pov</p><p>      "You really don't have to come with me I can just take the bus." I said as we walked to his car. School had finished and I was getting ready to head to my appointment when I told Jayden where I was going he insisted on taking me.</p><p>"I'm not letting you go on a bus filled with strangers. Besides I have nothing else to do." I nod still unsure about him driving me there. He opened the passenger side and helped me in he even strapped my seatbelt for me just like he did last time I was in his car. I take some money out of my wallet and hand it to Jayden. <br/>"What are you giving me this for?" </p><p>"Gas money." </p><p>"I'm not taking it I want to drive you there you don't owe me anything." He refused to take it so I'll just put it in the glove compartment when he isn't looking. <br/>"Since this is gonna be a long ride I want to have a small conversation with you." </p><p>"Alright." Oh no he doesn't want to be my caregiver anymore. I did something wrong. </p><p>"Relax it's nothing bad. It's just last time when you were in littlespace you called me daddy do you remember that?" Oh my god I did?! I shake my head. Sometimes I barely remember things that happen when I'm deep in my headspace. </p><p>"Well you did. And I just wanted to ask do you think of me as more than just your caretaker because that title is usually reserved for you know someone they are in a relationship with." Did I think of him as more than a caretaker? Does he think of me as someone who he's just taking care of at the moment? I mean he's more than a caretaker he's also my friend. </p><p>"Um well you are also my friend." </p><p>"Yes but I mean Mikey and Felix didn't call me daddy when I would to take care of them. Even before they had caretakers. So that's the first time anyone has ever called me daddy. And I know that littles don't just go around giving that name to just anyone." I feel like I have a knot in my stomach. And a lump in my throat. I know if Ty were to take care of me I wouldn't have called him that or even if Arya had decided to I wouldn't have called her mommy. I can't lie I don't want to lie to him I already lie to so many other people. My parents, my therapist, sometimes even myself. </p><p>"Y-Yes I do actually I kind of have a teeny tiny c-crush on you and I'm sorry I won't call you daddy anymore I'll t-try not to. I know that you're not gay I mean of course not you dated Brooke. I-I'm so sorry you guys broke up by the way. And please don't stop being my friend because believe it or not you are actually the first friend I've ever had—"</p><p>"Josh I'm not gonna stop being friends with you just because you have a crush on me. Mikey used to have a crush on me and look we are still friends. And yes I'm not gay but I think I could possibly be bi. You see I might also have a crush on you." He might have a crush on me - bye? Why did he say bye?</p><p>"W-Why did you say bye?" He seemed confused. "You said bye but you aren't going anywhere?" He starts laughing at my question. I look down at my fingers and notice that I've been twisting them and I continue to do so. I don't care if Mr. Forthe says it's a habit I need to stop. </p><p>"Bi it's spelled b i, it means when someone like both girls and boys." </p><p>"Oh I didn't know you can like both." He ruffles my hair a bit.</p><p>"Yup you can like both. But going back to what I was saying do you want to try I don't know being in a relationship?" I look at him his cheeks were red. This was the first time I've seen him nervous.</p><p>"I mean you've already seen my dick so yeah why not."</p><p>"Josh!" I flinched. </p><p>"What?" I turn to him and he's looking at me with wide eyes and his mouth hung open. </p><p>"I i was just not expecting that to come out of your mouth. What happened to the shy Josh who's to scared to curse unless their drunk?" I shrug. </p><p>"I think seeing you nervous calmed me down a bit and dick isn't a curse word." </p><p>"Oh yes it is pumpkin and I think you just broke your first rule." At that all my nerves came back. I didn't mean to break a rule. Oh no he's gonna think I'm a bad boy. Jay then places his hand on mine  "Hey relax I'm not gonna punish you mainly because I forgot to talk to you about punishments and rewards and mainly because you didn't know that it was a curse word so this is a warning. No more cursing." I nod the nerves slightly going away. </p><p>"So are we boyfriends now?" He then slides his hand into mine softly squeezes it. </p><p>"Yeah. So after your appointment I'm taking you out on a date."</p>
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<a name="section0018"><h2>18. 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"You seem different." Dr. Forthe had been looking at me for a solid minute the moment I have arrived.</p><p>"Really?" I mean my fashion choice hasn't changed I'm still wearing the same old converse and jeans with a striped shirt. Maybe my hair I mean it has gotten longer since last time.</p><p>"Well are you gonna tell me about him?" </p><p>"Excuse me what?" </p><p>"Are you gone tell me about him you know the guy you're crushing on?" </p><p>"How-?"</p><p>"I've been in this business for a long time believe me I know when someone's in love." Love! Nu uh I'm not in love with him I barely know him and we just got together. </p><p>"I'm not in l-love I just met him."</p><p>"So I was right there is a guy. Go on talk to me." </p><p>"Alright well you know about that guy I told you about last time. My roommate Jay?" He nodded and encouraged me to continue. "Well it all started when I was sick and I hadn't left my room all week. And then he helped me so while I was in the shower he was being all nice and cleaning my room when he accidentally found the pacifier you know the one you got for me since my parents can never know about this, and turns out he doesn't care and that his friends that are now also now my friends two of them are also littles and the others are there caregivers. Which is amazing because now I found other just like me. And Jayden agreed to be my caregiver which was like the best day of my life. He even took me shopping for little supplies which I feel really bad for because it seemed expensive and waste of money. And then just today he gave me a ride here and asked me out on a date." </p><p>"That's great Josh this is definitely an improvement. Look how far you've come."</p><p>"You think so?"</p><p>"Definitely, you used to be this shy anxious lonely kid who couldn't even form a sentence to a complete stranger. And here you are a guy who's talking freely to me who has friends and one with a date." </p><p>"Well I mean I still can't talk to strangers Jaydens the one who always orders food for us." It's true the only person I have spoken this year to other than my parents and therapist are Jayden and the others. </p><p>"Well it's still progress. Your parents would be proud." </p><p>"I doubt it." I look at my hands picking at my nails. They would be anything but proud. </p><p>"Why do you think that?" </p><p>"Well- because... you saw there reaction to when you recommended the whole littlespace idea. They didn't like it. T-they hated the thought of me doing that. A-and I'm Jewish I'm not supposed to like o-other guys. It's a sin." Dr. Forthe handed me some tissues. I hadn't even noticed I was crying until he handed them to me. </p><p>"Love is not a sin. And they won't hate you the least they can do is not agree with the things you do but parents never hate their kids. And I can tell your parents love you dearly to be paying for these sessions and your medication." I nod I know that. I know they love me but sometimes I feel like the reason they started making me go to these sessions is because they want a normal son. One like my brother. </p><p>"I know your father can be tough but he wants what's best they all do. I think that's enough for today go on that date and fun." I give him a small smile give him a quick thanks and leave. As soon as I leave the office I see Jayden sitting in the waiting area. </p><p>"All done?" I nod and he takes my hand.</p><p>"See you next Sunday Joshua?" I give Ms. Sanchez a smile and nod before exiting into the parking lot. Our usual routine after every session. Once Jayden helps me in and buckled me I quickly put the gas money in the glove compartment as he walked to the other side of the car. </p><p>"So are you okay with Thai food?" He asks as he starts the car. I nod and we stayed quiet for the rest of the car ride but it was a comfortable silence. </p><p>"Do you know what you're gonna order?" Jay asked scanning the menu. The restaurant was nice it was fancy but not too fancy that it felt like formal wear was a must. </p><p>"Um the, the pad Thai sounds good." He nodded and signaled for the waiter to come over. </p><p>"Good evening sir, how may I help you?"</p><p>"Thank you I'll have the Tom Yum and he would like the Pad Thai please." I'm so glad he chose to order. Unlike how Dr. Forthe said I've made progress I'm still not ready to talk to waiters and well people.</p><p>"Would you like anything to drink?" Jayden looks over at me. </p><p>"Uh I-I'd l-like some uh just water thanks." My voice came out sounding too high pitch and squeaky ew, I sound like I'm going through puberty all over again. </p><p>"And I'd like some Coke. Thank you." As the waiter left I released a breathe I didn't even know I was holding. </p><p>"Hey you alright?" Jayden asked.</p><p>"Yeah I'm fine just don't really like um talking to strangers much." </p><p>"Oh sorry next time I'll make sure you won't have to." Next time? There might be a next time. If I don't screw this up hopefully. </p><p>"Y-you don't have to my parents think it's good to talk you know for practice." </p><p>"Yeah but you shouldn't be put in a uncomfortable situation sometimes it's better to go at your own pace." I nod. I do that a lot, how many times is it normal to nod in a day? I probably look weird just bobbing my head every time instead of just answering. </p><p>The date went better than I expected. It felt like the first time we met when we sat down on the sofa eating pizza just talking to each other. But instead we are at a table eating Thai food in regular clothing then our pjs.</p><p>"Wait so you have how many siblings?" </p><p>"Five I make six." </p><p>"Wow and I thought my family was big. So how are they do you get along with them?" </p><p>"Yeah I guess I get along with my youngest sister the most though. Her names Jessie. Mikey reminds me of her sometimes." </p><p>"Then she must be quite the handful if she's anything like Mikey." I smile as I took a bite from my plate. </p><p>"You have no idea. One time she convinced me it would be a great idea to have the pool inside. So we brought it in, inflated it, filled it up with water everything there was so much water on the floor. And mom was so pissed." </p><p>"God how old were you?"</p><p>"16"</p><p>"And you thought that was a great idea?" I nod laughing. We spent all day cleaning up the mess.</p><p>"Well my sisters would alway make me play dress up. I had long hair back then too so they would braid it put it in pig tails I was their real human sized Barbie doll." My lips are itchy weird.</p><p>"You sound like a nice big brother. Mine taught me the colors wrong. He'd tell me something was blue when it's actually red. Or something was pink when it's actually yellow. I still have to re think before saying the color of something because I get confused." </p><p>"No really?"</p><p>"Yup." I clear my throat a bit.</p><p>"That's crazy the worst things I ever did to my siblings is scare them. Hide in closets till they walked by and pop out screaming." I can't imagine someone as nice as Jayden scaring people because they found it funny. </p><p>"Hey are you okay?" </p><p>"Yeah why?"</p><p>"You look a little red." Just like my lips my throat had started itching. "You're scratching a lot are you sure you're okay?" I nod it's probably nothing.</p><p>"It might just be nerves I do that sometimes." Jayden had nodded and continued to tell me about the stories of his childhood. </p><p>My chest is tightening. I drink some water but for some reason it's hard to swallow. </p><p>"Alright that's it you are not okay tell me what wrong?" </p><p>"I-I think I'm allergic to s-something." It's getting hard to breathe. I hear myself wheezing. </p><p>"Shit! Excuse me we need help! Wh-what are you allergic to?"</p><p>"Um Brazil n-nuts a-and brussels-sprouts." I look for my bag. Where's my bag I always have it?! Oh god great Im having an allergic reaction on the first date heck this is my first date.</p><p>"Is everything alright?"</p><p>"No he's having a possible allergy reaction what was in his meal?"</p><p>"Uh rice noodles, chicken, beef, peanuts, some scrambled eggs, and brusssel sprouts."</p><p>"He's allergic time Brussel sprouts call an ambulance!" </p><p>"Hey it's gonna be okay alright they are calling an ambulance to come." He made his way over to my side and put his hand on my back. </p><p>"N-need my bag." My throat felt like it was on fire and my lungs hurt with every breathe I took. I could feel my teeth vibrating and my hands were shaking. I was also having an asthma attack. Jayden has ran out of the restaurant. The moment he left I realized all the eyes that were on me. I heard whispers. Great I'm the center of attention. I heard the ringing of bells that were attached to the front door and see Jayden with my bag in his hands. I take it and look through the items. I grab my inhaler and spacer. Two pumps, breathe in, hold for ten, release. I repeat the steps. It was useless though. I could feel my throat closing and it wasn't letting the albuterol through. </p><p>"Hey don't worry an ambulance is coming." I then hear sirens in the distance. And see flashing lights. "See here they are now you're gonna be okay." Jayden helped me walk outside to where the paramedics rushed out of the ambulance and sat me down on the stretcher. The ride to the hospital was quick. Jayden was right next to me during the ride. The paramedics gave me an epipen and I could feel the swelling in my throat going down. </p><p>When we arrived at the hospital I was feeling much better. The doctors still ran tests to make sure everything was good. I just hope this doesn't cost so much. I was still in a bed in the ER but the swelling had completely gone down and my wheezing was non existent. </p><p>"So much for a first date huh?" I look at Jayden who had calmed down since the incident. He gave a chuckle.</p><p>"Yeah wasn't planning on sending you to the hospital." </p><p>"It was my fault I'm the one who forgot to ask what was in it." </p><p>"Just to make sure in the near future you're only allergic to Brazil nuts and brussel sprouts right?" </p><p>"No I'm also allergic to dust, cats and tuna. But I refuse to eat tuna so I don't worry about that." He nodded and took my hand slightly squeezing it. </p><p>"How about next time I take you to the park?"</p><p>"You still wanna go on another date with me?" </p><p>"Of course. Hey how about when they finally release you we head back to the dorms and we can cuddle watch some movies or cartoons your pick." </p><p>"I like that." </p><p>"Yeah?" He looked at me with a smile that made my heart skip a beat. I don't know if it was the steroids or possibly any medication they gave me but I felt bold and gave him a peck on the cheek. </p><p>"Yeah"</p>
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<a name="section0019"><h2>19. 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>    I woke up this time in my own bed. It's been a while since I have slept in my own room. Mainly because I keep slipping when I'm alone with Jayden and little me doesn't like sleeping alone. I heard rapid knocking and head to the door. Peering through the peephole I almost had a heart attack my parents! I quickly grab all the childish plates bottles anything that they might find weird and hide it under my bed. I run into Jaydens room. </p><p>"Jayden wake up!" I hated waking him up but if my parents see anything weird or odd they might make me move back home. </p><p>"What?! Is everything okay? Did you have a nightmare? Did you have an accident?" He jumped up and was on high alert.</p><p>"No and no it's my parent they're here please help me hide everything." After that I heard another harder more faster knocking. He nodded quickly and helped me gather everything up. We mainly hid the stuff in his room. Once everything was out away I put on some pjs that wouldn't seem weird and open the door. </p><p>"Oh thank goodness you're okay!" My mother pulls me into a death crushing hug. </p><p>"Joshie mommy thought you died! She drove like super fast." Jessie was ran around showing how fast they went. </p><p>"Are you hurt? Are you sick? Oh my don't tell me you have cancer!" </p><p>"Mom I'm fine I'm not hurt, I'm not sick, and I don't have cancer." She seemed to calm down a bit after that. </p><p>"Then why the hell were you in the hospital?!"</p><p>"H-how do you know about that?"</p><p>"Well since your dad owns the insurance business that we recommended you to use he was notified of the hospital bill." </p><p>"Five thousand dollars. What did you do take every medicine in the place?" My father had just been standing there the whole time. </p><p>"I had an a-allergic reaction to some food I- I ate I didn't um know that it had Brussel sprouts."</p><p>"What?! Well are you okay you can breathe fine right? Your chest isn't hurting? Let me see if you're breathing right?" She then lifts up my shirt and I quickly pull it down. </p><p>"Mom! I- I'm f-fine no need to do that." </p><p>"I wanted to make sure there were no tightening around the ribs." </p><p>"Who's that?" My father pointed to Jayden who was standing outside of his room. </p><p>"Um t- that's Jay-Jayden he's my room-roommate." </p><p>"Quit stuttering." He looked at me with a cold look the same look he's always given me. I look down at my feet and start twisting my fingers.</p><p>"Yes s-sir i mean sir!"he then made his way over to Jayden. God I know I don't pray as much as I should and I don't know you probably don't listen to prayers from people like me but please please please! Don't let them embarrass more than they already have. And please don't let them find out.</p><p>"Hello young man I'm Elijah Brightly." He sticks out his hand for Jayden to shake it which he did.</p><p>"Nice to meet you Mr. Brightly my name is Jayden Hernandez." </p><p>"Hispanic I presume." We'll no shit dad you can guess that just by looking at him. Jay nodded. Jessie then bounded towards him. </p><p>"Hi my name is Jessica but everyone calls me Jessie except Joshie he calls me jellybean." And she also sticks out her hand for him to shake. </p><p>"Well it's my pleasure to meet you Jessie Joshua has told me all about you." Jessie looks at me and runs towards jumping onto me forcing me to carry her. </p><p>"So you talk to Joshua, like a conversation." Jay nodded and my moms mood turned so happy. "Oh my little Joshies talking to people. See I told you the sessions would work"</p><p>"Stop babying him that's why he couldn't talk to people in the first place you did everything for him."</p><p>"Oh hush it doesn't matter what matters is that he made a friend." Should have known he wouldn't answer my prayers. My mom starts looking through the cupboards and my room inspecting everything like I knew she would. </p><p>"Where the stove? how does this school expect you to eat?"</p><p>"Well Uh we heat things up in the microwave and we have some fruits and vegetables to eat. We also have a waffle cooker."</p><p>"You know better than to use a microwave. You may not have cancer now but the radiation from the microwave can give it to you." I nod. There's no point in arguing with her she always wins anyways.<br/>"And what is this?" She then hold up a bottle. Crap! Crap! Fuck me dry she found something. </p><p>"Oh my mom must have left it from her last visit. With the new baby she tends to forget things." I turn to Jayden who sends me a smile. Wow he lied just like that. He sounded so believable. My mom seemed to believe it and put the bottle right back. </p><p>"Rachel we must go I have that meeting that I must attend I can't miss it."</p><p>"But it's a two days drive back home. That meetings tomorrow morning."</p><p>"You managed to drive here in under 20 hours just do the same thing." With that Mom and Jessie hugged me one last time and left. I collapsed onto the sofa. They are exhausting. </p><p>"So that was your family." Jayden sat next to me and picked my head up and set it on his lap.</p><p>"I'm so sorry about them they don't know the meaning of personal space and my mom can be a bit overprotective."</p><p>"A bit? No worries I get it my mom is the same way. So is your dad always like that towards you?" I look up to see his face. For some reason at this angle he looked different. Much older it was the first time I remembered that he is two years older than me. </p><p>"What do you mean."</p><p>"He seemed harsh on the whole stuttering thing. And the hospital bill."</p><p>"It's just how he is. Money is his first family than it's us." He starts running his fingers through my hair. </p><p>"Since we are already up wanna try and have a do over on that first date? Go to the park?" I nod.</p><p>"Yeah that sound nice." </p><p>"Alright come on let's get dressed." He gets up and my head falls onto the sofa. He takes my hand and walks me to his room.</p><p>"Do you wanna wear some of your little clothes it early so I doubt there will be anyone in the park." I thought about it. I don't know half of me is screaming yes and the smaller side is saying what if someone sees me. Jayden then pulls out a pastel blue shirt with some overalls and white sneakers. I don't remember getting the sneakers but oh well. The outfit seemed normal enough that no one would suspect anything weird. It kind of seemed like the outfit Mikey wore on the first day of school. But less colorful. I nod I liked the outfit. And in case I slip at the park I wouldn't be in boring big kid clothes.</p><p>"Alright little clothes it is." He helped me take off my clothes. And he dressed me. I kept my boxers on because I refuse to wear a diaper in public. Home it's fine outside no way. Jayden then got dressed. He wore some black jeans, white shoes a white shirt and leather jacket. He grabbed the keys for house and car and I was ready to walk out the door. "Hold on do you have your bag?" </p><p>I looked at my shoulders. The straps weren't there. I left my bookbag in my room. I hurry and grab it coming back. "Sorry now I'm ready." </p><p>"Not quite did you go potty?" I felt my face grow hot and I knew I was blushing. He said it so casually. I shook my head. "Go potty I don't want you having an accident outside." I look down at my feet we aren't even out the door and I'm starting to feel small.</p><p>"But-"</p><p>"No buts, go potty you haven't gone all morning." I nod and head to the bathroom. Once I finished I wash my hands and hurry out. I can't wait to go to the park.<br/>"Good job joshie." I smile as he took my hand as we walked to the car. </p><p>The park was big. It had a huge playground for the little kids and lots of grass for picnics and people who walk their doggies. Jay was right it was empty. The park only had some old ladies who were on an empty space in the grass doing some exercise. And sometimes people who were running would pass by. Jay had his hand on mine and we walked. We passed by this pond with ducks. </p><p>"Look ducks." I point towards the duck who were being fed by this other old lady. Jay hummed a response and we kept walking. We walked for a while. The trees were covered in colors. Orange red and pink wait no it's yellow. <br/>And most leaves were on the ground. I made sure to step on as many leaves as I could. They made a crunch sound under my feet. We walked towards the playground which was completely empty and no one around. </p><p>"What do you wanna do first little one?" And just like that I was in little space again. But I didn't feel so young like last time. </p><p>"Swings!" I love the swings it makes me feel like I'm flying. Daddy brought me to the swings and told me to hold on tight so I don't fall. And he started pushing me.</p><p>"Higher daddy!" </p><p>"Higher?" </p><p>"Mhm!"  He then grabbed the swing brought it all the way back and ran it was so high. I burst into giggles. "Again!" He did it again and again. </p><p>"Wanna go on the slides now?" </p><p>"Mhm!" I run to the slides and start climbing to the top. I chose the big slide because it's has to be fun if it's up high. I slide down and daddy is waiting at the bottom to catch me. "Weee" I slide all the way down super fast. </p><p>"Having fun cariño?" I nod super fast to show how much fun I'm having. We then played tag and hide and seek. But daddy was too good at hide and seek he always finds me. I though for sure if I hides behind him he wouldn't finds me. </p><p>"Ok sweetie it's time to go people are starting to come." A women came with her son and was looking at us weird. </p><p>"Otay." Daddy takes us to the store. He buys some seeds and we go back to the park. </p><p>"Are we gonna feed the duckies?" He nods and I skip all the way to the pond. The lady was gone. We sit down on the grass near the water. </p><p>"Here throw some in front you." Daddy gives me some seeds and I throw it in front of me. Then so many ducks came running towards me. </p><p>"Ahhhh." I run to daddy and hide behind him. They were gonna eat me and daddy was laughing. "Hmm" I cross my arms and look away. </p><p>"I'm sorry baby come here."he pulls me into a hug and kisses my face. It was hard to stay mad so I smiled. "There's that smile." </p><p>Today is a good day.</p>
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<a name="section0020"><h2>20. 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>    Although the morning started out hectic with my parents all the rest of the day felt like a dream. Jayden had bought me ice cream after we left the park. I got strawberry because it is the absolute best and it had a lot of sprinkles. And Jayden got pumpkin pie. I didn't even know they made pumpkin pie ice cream. It was disgusting he let me try some it looked yummy but tasted awful I don't know how he can eat it. We grabbed some McDonalds and talked the whole day. I never thought that talking would be so easy. I wasn't shaking or stuttering. My stomach wasn't making knots. I was calm and at ease. </p><p>"It's getting late we should probably head back." I say seeing the sky that was now orange and pink.  </p><p>"Not yet there's someplace I wanna take you." He states as he made a left. The lights from the main road were fading. The further he drove the less cars I saw. The houses we passed lessened until all I saw were trees. The thought of him possibly bringing me here to murder me crossed my mind a couple of times. But the Jayden that I knew would never murder anyone. Then again murderers would never show their true colors and I've only known him for a month and a few weeks. And the best way to get someone to trust you is make them believe you are a good person . And taking my luck into consideration my first boyfriend would obviously be some type of psychopath. </p><p>He made a right and there was no more road only dirt. He parked the car and helped me out. We walked for a while until we came across a clearing. </p><p>"During my freshman year of college i was trying to get to know the area when I made a wrong turn. It got super late and I was super lost. Then after walking for a long time I came across this." He laid down on the grass and patted the ground next to him. I laid down on the spot and the moment I did I was staring at star covered sky. The view left me speechless. With no lights our buildings near us the stars were clear to see. </p><p>"I know the sight is beautiful. I thought I'd never see something this beautiful again in my life. And then I met you." I almost screeched. I was not expecting him to say something so cheesy. </p><p>"I'm not beautiful." He turned to me which made me for some reason turn too. </p><p>"You have no idea how beautiful you are. When I saw you it made me question my sexuality. You can make a straight man turn gay." A small laughed escaped my lips. </p><p>"You have these big blue eyes that seem to get even bigger when you slip. And your hair looks so soft it's hard not to touch it. And the freckles that scatter across your nose. You sir are handsome and beautiful." </p><p>"My freckles?" I ask and he nodded. </p><p>"I don't really like them." I looked down feeling small. I felt his hands on my cheek which forced me to look at him. </p><p>"Well I do you are the boy with the stars on his face, you are my little star."</p>
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<a name="section0021"><h2>21. 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>    Although the morning started out hectic with my parents all the rest of the day felt like a dream. Jayden had bought me ice cream after we left the park. I got strawberry because it is the absolute best and it had a lot of sprinkles. And Jayden got pumpkin pie. I didn't even know they made pumpkin pie ice cream. It was disgusting he let me try some it looked yummy but tasted awful I don't know how he can eat it. We grabbed some McDonalds and talked the whole day. I never thought that talking would be so easy. I wasn't shaking or stuttering. My stomach wasn't making knots. I was calm and at ease. </p><p>"It's getting late we should probably head back." I say seeing the sky that was now orange and pink.  </p><p>"Not yet there's someplace I wanna take you." He states as he made a left. The lights from the main road were fading. The further he drove the less cars I saw. The houses we passed lessened until all I saw were trees. The thought of him possibly bringing me here to murder me crossed my mind a couple of times. But the Jayden that I knew would never murder anyone. Then again murderers would never show their true colors and I've only known him for a month and a few weeks. And the best way to get someone to trust you is make them believe you are a good person . And taking my luck into consideration my first boyfriend would obviously be some type of psychopath. </p><p>He made a right and there was no more road only dirt. He parked the car and helped me out. We walked for a while until we came across a clearing. </p><p>"During my freshman year of college i was trying to get to know the area when I made a wrong turn. It got super late and I was super lost. Then after walking for a long time I came across this." He laid down on the grass and patted the ground next to him. I laid down on the spot and the moment I did I was staring at star covered sky. The view left me speechless. With no lights our buildings near us the stars were clear to see. </p><p>"I know the sight is beautiful. I thought I'd never see something this beautiful again in my life. And then I met you." I almost screeched. I was not expecting him to say something so cheesy. </p><p>"I'm not beautiful." He turned to me which made me for some reason turn too. </p><p>"You have no idea how beautiful you are. When I saw you it made me question my sexuality. You can make a straight man turn gay." A small laughed escaped my lips. </p><p>"You have these big blue eyes that seem to get even bigger when you slip. And your hair looks so soft it's hard not to touch it. And the freckles that scatter across your nose. You sir are handsome and beautiful." </p><p>"My freckles?" I ask and he nodded. </p><p>"I don't really like them." I looked down feeling small. I felt his hands on my cheek which forced me to look at him. </p><p>"Well I do you are the boy with the stars on his face, you are my little star."</p>
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<a name="section0022"><h2>22. 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As i stood in the middle of my room looking up at Jayden I felt like I had earlier today with that one guy what's his name, John? Jack? Jonathan? Yeah I think it was Jonathan. I felt exactly like that like a bug that could easily be squished. After we left we all went back to mine and Jaydens dorm. After Arya and Jayden sobered me up, Jayden brought me to my room for a small talk. </p><p>"What are the two things I told you not to do tonight?" Jay's voice wasn't loud it was surprisingly calm with a firmness to it that made me look down at my feet. He sounded disappointed but his face didn't show it. If anything his face looked creepy with the make up still on but the features of his face were soft and looked like it did all the time. Unlike my father who always had the look of disappointment and the voice to match it. </p><p>   "Josh? Answer me. What were the two things I asked of you tonight?" </p><p>"To s-stay by your side." As always my voice matched exactly how I felt. Small but not small as in me slipping, just small. "And..."</p><p>"And, not to drink if you're not there." I think he was more pissed at the fact that I had gotten drunk rather than me not being at his side. </p><p>"And what did you?" </p><p>"Not s-stay by your side, and I got drunk." He took a step closer and I took one back. I don't know why but I felt scared. I flinched when he put his hand on my shoulder and he pulled his hand back. </p><p>"Hey, hey look at me." His voice no longer had that firmness. He put his hand under my chin and slowly picked it up making me meet his eyes. "I'll never hurt you, you do know that right?" I did know that. I don't know why I flinched or backed away. </p><p>"Hey I'm not gonna hurt you I will never hurt you." He wiped at my face and that's when I realized I was crying. </p><p>"You- you left." </p><p>"I'm sorry what?" </p><p>"You- you left you f-forgot me. And thens Tandy came, and.. and, I hate Halloween!" With that I burst into tears. I didn't care if I broke the rules or if Jay was mad. Halloween is the worst! Jay came close and this time I didn't walk away. He put his arms around me and brought me into a tight hug. </p><p>"Hey it's alright let it all out." I wanted to do just that let everything out. But I can't. I can't. College suck more than high school did. At least in high school I was alone I had no drama.  I had no evil teacher who, who God damn it I can't even think about it! I cry for a few more seconds before calming down. </p><p>Jay was rubbing small circles onto my back. It was actually soothing. As I pull away Jay was looking at me. Just like Jay I was still in my costume and I felt ridiculous. </p><p>"I know you've had a bad night but you disobeyed me tonight. Those rules were there to keep you safe." I nod I knew that. </p><p>"Once you saw that I wasn't there you should have looked for me, not drink. The moment I realized you weren't next to me I panicked" I didn't mean to make him worry. </p><p>"I'm gonna have to punish you. Your punishment will be 20 minutes in timeout. I want you to think about what you did tonight." I nod as I let out a small whimper when he picked me up and place me in a red chair that we said will be the naughty chair. He put on a timer and left the room. </p><p>I felt sad. So so sad. My chest went tight and it hurt. I wanted to cry, but it wasn't because I was in the naughty chair. I just wanted to cry. </p><p>After a while I decided that this was my least favorite chair in this whole dorm. As I sat there I though about the party. About Tandys warning. About the names random people threw in my direction. How I drank and disobeyed Jay's rules. I thought about Mikey and his thoughts towards Jay. I don't know why but it still bothered me. </p><p>This is the longest 20 minutes of my whole life. <br/>I started crying again as my thoughts filled with what Tandy had told me and how this whole year has gone. I wanted to escape, run away. Run away from my parent, from Brooke and Tandy, from Mr. Richards but most of all from me. But I can't run away from myself. So I did what I always did when my feelings got to much for me. I slipped into littlespace. </p><p>After a while Daddy came back into the room after a loud ringing sound went off. I make crappy hands at him. He picks me up and cradles me. He no longer had the scary face. And his hair was brown with a little bit of yellow. </p><p>"Josh can you tell me why I put you in timeout?" </p><p>"Cebause I break rules." I put my fingers in my mouth but daddy took them out. </p><p>"Yes, that's right. You know daddy really cares about you and the rules are there to keep you safe." I nod I knows that. I put my fingers in my mouth again but daddy tooked them outs again. I whine. </p><p>"Don't put your fingers in your mouth they are filthy sweetie." He put my paci in my mouth and I suck on it. It felt nice and all the bad thoughts go away.</p><p>"Let's get you into something comfortable." Thens daddy takes me to his room. He takes of my clothes and I am no longer Batman. He puts me in a diaper and some nice warm clothes it had animals on it. </p><p>Daddy picks me up we go to the living room where everyone is. Daddy sits down and I'm in his lap. He talks to everyone but I don't understand so I just play with my toes. Mikey comes and sits next to me. </p><p>"Hiya Joshie JayJay says we has to go but Friday we can have a sleepover!" He smiles so I smile. I don't understand what he said but he was making happy faces so i make same.</p><p>Everyone left to get something I dunno. And Daddy put me down and was gonna leave! No leave! I whine and make grabby hands. And daddy comes back and picks me up. Yay! That always works. </p><p>He goes to his room and takes some things and we go back to living room. He put down a blanket on floor ands puts me down on it. He sits down next to me and hands me some toys. It was a toy with shapes and holes to put the shapes in. It was super fun and daddy played to he always got it right. </p><p>Daddy left again and this time I waited. I was gonna be a good boy and wait for him. He came back and this time he had a bottle with him. He hands it to me and I drink it. It tasted good like vanilla. I tried to say thank you but it was hard to talk.</p><p> </p><p> "I think you're in baby space." I tilt my head what's that? He sat me next to him and turns on the tv. I watch it cuddling close to daddy. The colors were cool and it was about a mean cat running after a small mouse. It was fun to watch and it made me laugh. It even made daddy laugh. </p><p>"Baby do you have to go potty?" I shake my head. I had to but I can hold it. "You sure you're squirming a lot." I nod I don't have to really go and I don't want to stop watching. He didn't talk after that and continued to watch tv. He had his hand on my hair and it felt nice when his fingers went through it. </p><p>After a while I forgot that I had to go and was watching the funny cat and mouse. Then when one part was super funny when I was laughing I couldn't hold it anymore. I stopped laughing as I felt my diaper get wet. I whimper. Daddy will be mad. He asked if I had to go. </p><p>"What's wrong pumpkin?" I shake my head. I don't want him to know. I cuddle him trying to ignore the wet feeling in between my legs and watch tv. </p><p>But I kept moving and whining that daddy looked and found out I had an accident. I started crying hes gonna be mad. </p><p>"Hey you're okay, let's get you into a fresh diaper." I was still crying into his shoulder as he picked me up and went to his room.</p><p>As he laid me down I was still crying. He handed me stitch and my paci which helped me feel a little better. When he took of my diaper I hid my face with stitch and sucked on the paci harder. He quickly cleaned me up and put a new diaper on me. A few more tears fell from my face as he picked me up. </p><p>As he rocked me the cry's turned into sniffles. He whispered sweet nothings into my ear. It was late and I was tired. When I accidentally let out a yawn. Daddy said that it was bedtime. He brushed my teeth for me and he got into some pjs. </p><p>"Are you sleeping in your room or with me tonight?" Why would he ask such a silly question of course I'm sleeping in his bed. So I point to him to let him know. "I thought so." He gave me a smile and I smiled to. I like his smile sometimes he smiled with his eyes. Those are the smiles I like the most because they make me have a real smile. </p><p>We laid in his bed and he shut of the lights and put on a nightlight. I didn't know we had one of those. He sang me the same song he sang when I had a super bad day. I liked his voice. It was soft and made me super sleepy. Cuddling with stitch and daddy I went to sleep and dreamed of rainbows and puppies.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Warning: some intense language and self harm</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Mikey why are you eating McDonalds?" Arya eyed the happy meal that sat in front of Mikey. </p><p>"Because I don't want to pay for terrible lunch when I can have good lunch." He has a point I would rather be eating McDonalds if my parents hadn't decide to pay for my lunch this semester. But I can't complain the school I had at my high school was worse, way worse. This time it wasn't so bad they gave out hamburgers and fries. I mean I still didn't want to eat it but Jay said I had to. </p><p>As they continue to talk about how unhealthy McDonalds was I was looking at Brooke. She was staring at me, and I tried to look at anything else but every time I looked back she was still staring. </p><p>"That was ONE time." I snap back into their conversation. Felix's face was turning red. </p><p>"What are you talking about after watching the series you wouldn't stop talking like him!" Ty said in between his laughter.</p><p>"Like who?''</p><p>"Jar Jar fucking Binks!" I chuckled a bit as Ty continued laughing Felix hid his face and punched him in the chest.</p><p>"Babe! No hitting" He exclaimed as he pulled Felix into a hug. I smiled they were a cute couple. Ty continued to tease him on things from the past. The things that he was talking about were things I couldn't imagine him doing. But like all of them I have only known Felix for two months. </p><p>I tried to focus on the conversation but my eyes would always look towards Brooke and her friends and every time they did Brooke was there staring. She was starting to freak me out.</p><p>"Hey are you okay?" Jay asked putting his hand on my shoulder. </p><p>"Yeah I'm fine." He looked a bit skeptical but he believed me and left it at that. </p><p>After lunch was over Jay walked me to my art class.</p><p>"Hey I wont be able to pick you up after class, I gotta go and get my car looked at. Will you be okay on your own."</p><p>"Believe it or not Jay I used to take care of myself." He gave a small smile.</p><p>"I'm sorry I knew that just you know asking. Ill be home at around four." With that he gave me a quick kiss and left to his class.</p><p> Art class was the one class that I was fond of. I want to major in it I would if it weren't for my father insisting I go into accounting or finance. Art was a way for me to communicate with people without having to actually talk to them. It was a gift sent form heaven. </p><p>For our assignment we were supposed to paint something from nature. My mind immediately went to the starry night sky that Jay had taken me to see. </p><p>The beautiful dark blue sky that shone with millions of stars that possibly weren't even there anymore. That night was the night we shared our first kiss. It was my first kiss and it was everything I expected and more. His lips were slightly chapped but it didn't matter. It's weird its only a part of the body that comes into contact but it felt so much more different and not as simple as two hands touching. When we kissed it felt like my mind and heart exploded. It sent a tingling feeling in my chest. And even though we were laying on the grass my legs felt like jello. Everything felt like jello. My mind hadn't been filled with so many thoughts. If anything it felt exactly how i feel when I'm in little space the only difference was that I wasn't. I felt completely big and at ease. And no one was around to ruin it. It is a memory I know that I will never forget. </p><p>The bad thing about art is that you must have passion . The more passion you have the more easier it is to create it. You can't create something that you know nothing about. So with every stroke of my paint brush i made sure to fill it with passion. I put my soul into it. I got lost in my own rhythm. Paint, dip the brush into the grey water, grab some more color and paint again. I was in my own world and the hour flew by. The bell had rung and with that school was out for the weekend. </p><p>The hallways were filled with people now just chatting no longer having to rush to their next class. I walked quickly trying to get to my room. </p><p>"Hey you're Joshua right?'' A short girl appeared in front of me. How does she know me? </p><p>"Um y-yeah but y-you might have t-the wrong Josh, Joshua." She looked at me for a solid minute before shaking her head. </p><p>"No I think I got the right one, we are in the same art class. You see I'm having trouble on the assignment the nature one and I saw yours and was wondering if you have any advice." </p><p>"Um n-not really, but.."</p><p>"Let's go somewhere more quiet its too loud here i can barely hear you." I nod and follow her. She walked right into the boys bathroom.</p><p>"Um I, I don't think y-you can be in here."</p><p>"Oh don't worry no ones gonna come in." She said and I heard the door close behind me. I turn and see Brooke in front of the door. </p><p>"Hey Joshua.'' More girls walked out of the stalls. They all looked mad and the small girl that looked so kind seemed like the devil. I'm so stupid Tandy warned me and I still wasn't careful.</p><p>"Now I'm gonna say this once and only once you fucking retard stay away from Jayden." </p><p>"Brooke!" One of the girls turned that anger away from me for a second and put it towards Brooke for a moment.</p><p>"What?!</p><p>"Don't say that word my brother has mental issues.''</p><p>"And why should i give two shits." That seemed to shut the other girl up and all the anger was back to me.</p><p>"Now like i was saying stay away from him or else."</p><p>"Or else what?" What the fuck am i saying! This bitch is crazy! Fuck you mouth you don't work when i need you to but all of a sudden you decide to say something.</p><p>"Wow I didn't know you suddenly grew a pair. What happened to that shy pathetic excuse of a man." My heart is beating so fast.</p><p>"Believe me no one cares about you I'm pretty sure the only reason Jay is with you is to have something to fuck until he finds some other women. Like i said stay away or you'll have to deal with me but for now ill let my dear friends handle this one for me." With that she's walked out of the bathroom and the girls got closer and closer. </p><p> </p><p>"Hey are you okay its like six." Jayden was waiting on the sofa. I wonder how long he was waiting. </p><p>"I'm fine." I head straight to my room. Locking the door behind me.</p><p>"Josh open the door please i wanna talk." He hear him turn the knob and he knocked when he realized it was locked. "Josh unlock the door!" </p><p>I sat on my bed bringing my knees up to my chest placing my chin on top. My hoodie covering my face. I felt my tears fall onto my jeans and watched as they absorbed them. I can't stand this. I want this to end. Why can't people just leave me alone. </p><p>"Josh please let me in" his voice was softer. I wanted to open the door. I wanted to open it so bad but i cant. I can't let him see me. He'll be so mad at me. I hear his footsteps walk away from the door. He left. See Brooke was right he doesn't care. He's just using me. Of course he is who would want to date me. </p><p>I got up from my bed and sat in front of the mirror that hung against my wall. I slowly took off my hoodie and stared at my reflection. My lip was bleeding and my face was red with marks that i was sure would bruise. My eye was swollen and i had some cuts on my cheek. My hair was a mess and I'm pretty sure i had a chunk of hair missing from when one of them pulled it. </p><p>I looked awful. Even if there were no bruises I'm pretty i would still look awful. My ears were freakishly small and face wasn't symmetrical. The freckles that littered across my nose and cheeks that Jay had said reminded him of the stars made me feel insecure. I used to pray that it was some prank that my brother had played on me and took it to far. But as i got older I realized it wasn't and that they were in fact real. I hate how they look on me. How they stand out. I hate how I'm not as muscular as other guys. Heck i hate hat i like guys. I just want to be normal is that too hard to ask.</p><p>The longer i stared at the mirror the more things i found to hate. My noddle arms, how my ribs showed, how i had long legs yet i was still somehow shorter than many people. How my nails were short due to constantly biting at them. No one can love this. Not even my own mother. No wonder she's paying so much money in order for me to change. </p><p>The bad thoughts were very loud and my arms seem to tingle. I knew what it meant but i had promised myself that i would never do it again. I swore to myself. But my mind didn't seem to care. It wanted the thing it most craved. The thing that was my weakness. </p><p>So i gave in. I searched my through my drawers until I found it. The shiny piece of metal that i knew would help silence my loud thoughts. I brought it to my skin and i dug in deep but not to deep. Enough to make sure it stung. The pain was a relief. It felt like an escape, i was so glad to feel something rather than this numbness. To know that i am still human and can still feel something.</p><p>I made marks some were small and looked like a paper cut some were long and somewhat deep. I saw the bruises that were forming along my arms and i made marks over them. The mix of the pain from putting pressure on the bruise and cutting the skin was intoxicating. This was my weakness this is my drug. Sure drinking can make me feel empty but this. This makes everything go away all the feelings even emptiness. </p><p>Oh god I'm crying. I'm such a fucking crybaby. I felt my body rack against sobs trying to hold them in but I couldn't. They came out and  Brooke was right, I am so pathetic. </p><p>I heard some rattling and I froze. The door was locked no one can get in. But somehow the door opened and the light streamed into the dark room. I chuck the razor aside and pull my hoodie over. Trying my best to cover myself. There Jay stood at the door his hand holding a credit card and his face looked scared. </p><p>I hid further into my hiding space. He looked around before seeing me in the space between my bed and the corner of the wall.  </p><p>"Hey, can you please tell me what's going on?" I hide my face into my knees and shake my head. I see his feet walk away and after a few seconds the entire room is lit up. I see his feet pop up again and he sits down.</p><p>"Can you take off the hoodie please." I shake my head and latch on tighter to the hoodie. I feel him try to squeeze into the tiny space. </p><p>"How did you manage to fit there." He gave up and just sat outside the spot. "Cariño please tell me what's wrong so i can fix it."</p><p>"You can't.'' I say. Again pathetic Brooke is right I'm a pathetic excuse for a guy.</p><p>"Why don't you let me be the judge of that." </p><p>"Jay you can't just fix everything okay! Sometimes some things are to broken to fix! Now get out! I wanna be alone." The last sentence came out with a sob. Jayden still hadn't left. Instead he grabbed my arm and pulled me out of my hiding space and hugged me tightly.</p><p>"Listen to me. Everything is gonna be okay, yeah sometimes its not. Sometimes  somethings may never be okay but the best thing to do is to talk to someone about it not keep it all locked inside. Doing that isn't hurting anybody but yourself. And there is no way I'm leaving you alone right now. You need me what type of boyfriend no what type of person would I be if i were to leave you alone while you are feeling this way. Now tell me what's wrong, remember its one of your rules baby." I hug him back and dig my face into his neck. I cried. It felt so nice to have him holding me. It felt so nice to have someone there. After I finished crying he pulled away and lowered my hood.</p><p>"Joshua, what happened!" He was shocked. And it brought a whole new batch of tears. I knew he would be mad at me. </p><p>"N-nothing."</p><p>"You really expect me to see you all bruised up and bleeding and believe that it was nothing?" I know he's not gonna let this go. He changes his sitting position so that I was now in his lap facing towards him instead of leaning on his shoulder.</p><p>He touched my arms and it hurt. It hurt a lot and it caused me to flinch. I think he knew something was  wrong because he lifted up my sleeves and I quickly pulled back. In know he saw them. There's no turning back. Great job Joshua you have to go and mess everything up. Jayden wasn't talking. He was just looking at me with this sad look and I hated it. I didn't want him to pity me I don't need it and I definitely don't deserve it. </p><p>"Oh Joshie"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. 24</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Oh Joshie" His voice sounded low and soft. I hated it. I don't want to hear him sound like that again. </p><p>"Get out. Please just get out leave." I get off of him and try to go back into my spot but he kept me still. "I'm not going anywhere you hear me. I'm not letting you go and I'm not gonna let you go through this on your own." He hugs me tightly and carried me to the bathroom and placed me on top of the sink counter.</p><p>"Baby let me see." I was hesitant but I showed him my arms. He looked over the damage that I made. For some reason him staring at my cuts made me feel more vulnerable than when he would bathe or change me. </p><p>He brought my arm up next to his face and started kissing every single cut. It made me blush so hard. After he was done kissing every single one he cleaned them up. He was being very gentle i only winced once. He then proceeded to wrap them up. </p><p>"Now are you gonna tell me what happened to your face?" He started to put a cream on the bruises and lightly put some around my eye. He went slow as to not put it in my eye.</p><p>"Brooke." I say and look away. He probably wont believe me.</p><p>"Brooke did this to you?" </p><p>I shake my head. "Brooke p-planned it, her, her friends were the ones who... who beat me up." </p><p>"Ill deal with her don't worry."</p><p>"No! Please don't she will just get more angry and probably beat m-me up herself." </p><p>"Josh, they shouldn't get away with this. They had no right to gang up on you like that." He put his hand on my head. The small action sent a wave of pain throughout my body that made me let put a small scream. </p><p>Jayden quickly examined my head. </p><p>"Did you hit your head?" </p><p>"I think so one of  t-them pulled my hair, like hard." His fingers went through my hair parting it. </p><p>"Well you didn't crack open your head which is a blessing but you are missing some hair. The area is probably sensitive." I nod and hop off the counter.</p><p>"Josh i want to talk to you." Jayden said as we sat down on the sofa. I face him to show that i was paying attention.</p><p>"I... I want you to tell someone about what happened. About what happened today and about what happened last month." </p><p>"I- I cant he said he said if I did he'd hurt me or... or make my life miserable. I cant what what if i do and he loses his job and comes after me."</p><p>"He said that so you wouldn't tell anyone. He would be in jail where he cant get to you. And even if he were to get out it would be way after you are done with college. </p><p>I shake my head. "He might not ev-even go to jail. Rapists barely ever do. Especially a professor like him they will think I'm lying just for attention. And then he'll be very mad that i tried to put him in jail and and he will kill me. Jayden he could kill me." </p><p>"He wont not as long as I'm here. But we cant just let him get away with this." I nod he's right and that's what I don't like. He makes sense I hate logic so much.</p><p>"Let's talk more about this tomorrow for now, how does watching some cartoons and getting you into something comfortable sound?'' </p><p>I give a small nod. "Good." I wrap my arms around him as he carries me to his room. </p><p>He laid me down on his bed he started taking off my clothes. The image of him without his shirt on popped into my mind. And him taking off my clothes made me have this feeling of longing that I have never felt before. When he reached my pants I was half hard. </p><p>"Looks like someone's excited." He looks at me with this smirk that turns me into this blushing mess. I hide my face behind my hands not wanting to look at him. </p><p>"Hey don't hide from me I want to see your face." He removes my hands and looks at me. I tug on his collar and kiss him and he kisses back. The kiss was different from our first. This one was rough and filled with lust. I wanted him so bad. I wanted him more than I've ever wanted anything in my whole life. </p><p>We pull away from each other panting. His eyes looked different they were fogged over with lust and the way he looked at me was absolutely stunning. It made my pants get even tighter. </p><p>"Josh I'm only doing this if you really want to the moment you say stop I will." I nod and pull him into another kiss. But this time he quickly pulled away. "I need a verbal response baby." </p><p>"Yes yes I really want to!" He chuckles as I pull him in for another kiss. </p><p>He quickly pulled of his shirt leaving us both shirtless. He started kissing my stomach and making his way up. When he reached my nipples he licked one that sent a shiver down my body. A weird sound came from me so i covered my mouth.</p><p>"Don't cover your mouth baby boy i want to hear the sweet sounds you make." I obeyed him.</p><p>"Yes daddy." The name sounded different when it left my tongue. It wasn't like how i say it when I'm in little space. I meant to say it but i was definitely not in my headspace. He rubs my nipples up and down and sucked on it at one point that caused me to arch my back and let out a long moan. He went further up my body. His hot breath hitting my neck sent goosebumps throughout my body and the way he placed his mouth on my neck and started to suck. Had me a moaning mess. </p><p>He left small bites and marks all over me. When he put his mouth over one spot on my neck and began to suck on it, it felt like i was in heaven. It made me buck my hips looking for any type of friction. </p><p>"There! Do it again please!" I felt his lips turn up and i could practically hear the smirk that he was giving me now and he began to bite lick and suck on the spot at the same time. </p><p>"Ohhh that feels so gooood." He slowly pulled away and i gave a small whimper. </p><p>"Oh baby there's still so much more to do." He sat up and started unbuckling his pants and pulled them down. His boxers had a tent in them. And i went to pull my pants off but Jayden stopped me.</p><p>"Slow down princess let me do it for you." The nickname he gave me did something to me. I felt my dick twitch against the fabric and i let out a soft moan. </p><p>"Do like that? Me calling you princess." He said it in such a deep voice that almost made me cum on the spot. I nod slightly embarrassed that a nickname had that much power over me.</p><p>He began to take my pants off slowly teasing me. I didn't like it. I wanted him to hurry up. It was as if he read my mind and with one quick motion my pants were on the other side of the room. He palmed me through my boxers and the feeling made me feel like i was melting. I felt bad for not doing anything to please him so I sat up and went on top of him. i sat down on his lap and began to grind down on too his member. He let out a deep sigh and threw his head back. I latched onto his neck and did exactly what he did to me biting licking and sucking. </p><p>I'm pretty sure I'm bad at giving someone a lap dance but he seemed to be enjoying it. As I rolled my hips slowly making sure i could almost feel every part of him through his boxers he picked me up off is lap and threw me back onto my back as he went on top of me. His fingers ran along the waistband of my boxers and he looked up at me his face sling for permission. </p><p>i give him an aggressive nod to show that i was okay with it. I was way more than okay I felt wonderful. His hand slipped under my boxers and he held my dick slipping it out of my boxers. He began to stroke it and the feeling of my dick finally getting some attention consumed me. I gave a loud moan as he engulfed my dick with his mouth. My nerves were sensitive and every movement every action i felt was so good. </p><p>He started sucking me off and his warm wet mouth did wonders. I felt a knot growing in my stomach. It was a different type that i would usually feel. This one didn't make feel like i was about to throw up or that i had butterflies in them. It just felt tight and with every second it grew tighter. He moaned and the vibration only made the knot tighter.</p><p>"Daddy i feel something." He stopped sucking and took my dick out of his mouth with a pop following. </p><p>"What do you feel princess." I point to my stomach and make a fist.</p><p>"Tight." It was the only word that i had to describe it. How gave me a smirk and he brought two fingers up to my  mouth. </p><p>"Suck baby boy." I listened and sucked on his fingers. I covered them in saliva and he took them out. He brought his fingers down and yanked off my boxers completely. He brought my legs up so that they were up to my chest and put his finger inside my ass. </p><p>"Ooohhh" the sound was not intentional it sort of just left my body. I did not expect that. Holy shit i have a finger up my ass. Is this supposed to happen? </p><p>"Don't worry baby i just gotta prep you before i put my dick in you. I don't want to hurt you. I nod  and i felt his finger pumping in and out of me. He twisted his fingers a certain way that made the knot in my belly tighten even more. He put a second finger in me and started making scissor motions. Stretching me out. It hurt a bit but the pleasure was so much greater. After a while when Jayden thought i was stretched out enough he took off his boxers. He was huge. Not only was he long he also had girth.  I don't think its possible that it would fit me. I thought my dick was at least a good size but he definitely put me to shame. </p><p>"Like what you see?" I nod and turn my face away. He grabbed my face softly and forced me to look at him. "Good because its all yours." He gave me another kiss. This one was softer than the others. This one was filled with love. He grabbed a condom that was inside his top dresser and slid it onto his dick.</p><p>With that he entered me slowly giving me time to adjust. "You, you can move now." He slowly started moving in and out. And the pain that was consuming me quickly turned into pleasure. It was nothing like it had been when Mr. Richards took advantage of me. It wasn't painful it pure bliss. He began to pick up the pace. We were both covered in sweat and panting. The whole dorm was filled with the sound of skin on skin and our moans and panting. </p><p>"I I'm close." I say and then Jayden moves a certain angle hits a spot that had me seeing stars. I couldn't even make a sound. He repeatedly hit that spot until the knot inside of me exploded and I came all over our chests. Jayden was still pounding into me his movements became sloppy and i felt overstimulation. Soon he let out a loud groan as he came. He stayed like that for a few seconds before slowly pulling out and tying the cum filled condom before throwing it in the garbage pail near his door. </p><p>He laid down next to me both of covered in sweat and cum. "That was amazing." He stated in a shaky voice. I nod agreeing that was the best thing to happen to me. </p><p>He got up and i whined wanting him near. "I'm just gonna get a bath ready. Ill be back quick." He gave me a kiss on my forehead and went to the bathroom. I heard the water turn on and the tub filling up. I tried to move but i was already starting to get sore. I turn my head to the mirror in his room. I looked different. I felt different. I stared at my naked self feeling slightly better about my body. I looked away just in case the thoughts came back. </p><p>Daddy came back quick just like he said. He carried me and placed me gently into the tub. The water was hot. It was the nice kind the kind that felt like it would burn but didn't. He also entered the tub almost making the water spill over. He grabbed the bar of soap and washed my body. I relaxed and leaned back onto his chest and let him do all the work.</p><p>After we were both cleaned up he carried me back to his room. He yanked the sheets off the bed placing them in his hamper. He got dressed into his pjs and dressed me up in a diaper and a stitch onesie. I fell asleep cuddling with daddy all night.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. 25</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Things changed between me and Jayden. It was subtle and a good change. Everything just felt like a puzzle piece. That you are looking for the right price that fits with the other. You look and look and then when you finally find it it's perfect. And everything is perfect. </p><p>"Well someone got laid." What the— how did he know? </p><p>"I um wh-what?" </p><p>"Dont try to hide it I've seen about every face before and that young man is the face of someone who got some." </p><p>"Don't you think this is um c-completely unprofessional." I was sitting in the same couchi always did in Mr. Forthe's office. Jayden was waiting in the waiting room. </p><p>"Oh it is, but I'm bored and the perks of being a psychiatrist is hearing the drama. Is it the guy you came in here with?" </p><p>"Um uh...." I slowly nod. God this is absolutely humiliation. </p><p>"That's great and from what you've told me he is your caregiver?" I nod again as he writes down some things in his notebook. </p><p>"Um th-theres some something I need to tell you." Jayden and me had a long talk about taking action about what had happened. And that the first step was to tell someone. And we both agreed that, that someone should be Mr. Forthe. </p><p>Mr. Forthe gave the look that I knew meant to keep talking.</p><p>"Remember the session we had b before I got sick."</p><p>"Yes I do."</p><p>"Well I I didn't actually get sick I skipped it. I didn't mean to well I mean I guess I did but it wasn't on purpose. I, I skipped it because after I left your office I ran into my t-teacher... and he told me that he wanted to speak to me about my grade so..so I went to his classroom. But but he didn't want to talk about my grade. He lied. He..... he touched me and, did things to me. Things I didn't want to do." My voice was beginning to crack and I already had tears streaming down my face. My fingers weren't wrapped in each other this time. Instead I was gripping onto my knees. </p><p>I had to hold on too something. Something to keep me grounded. To keep me in the present. I didn't dare look at his face because I was scared of what I would see. </p><p>"Have you told anyone else about this?" I nod.</p><p>"I've told Jayden. He's the one who told me I should tell y-you." </p><p>"Well he sounds like a great person and a smart one too. I'm glad you spoke to me about this. Many people have been victims of rapists. Sadly not nearly of the rapists get what they deserve." I nod I already knew that.</p><p>"But taking that into consideration I believe you should take a step further and report this to the proper authorities. Many victims have found that once they took proper measures they've been able to move on properly." </p><p>"Bu-but what if people don't believe me." </p><p>"Don't give them a reason to." After talking a bit more I felt better. I felt like a load has been lifted off my shoulders. I walked out of the room and Jayden was sitting down waiting. He was didn't seem to notice that I had walked out.</p><p>I crept behind him and hugged his neck. "Hey, are you single?" I used my best deep voice that I could muster. </p><p>"Sorry sir I am in fact dating someone. And he's got nothing on you." </p><p>"Awww you just said that cause you knew it was me." I stood beside him and he hugged me. </p><p>"No I would have said it even if I didn't know it was you." He gave me a peck on the lips. I'm gonna get diabetes with this amount of sweetness. </p><p>"See you next week Josh." The reception asked.</p><p>"Mhm." It was different from my usual nod. I thought our small friendship should take another step. </p><p>Jayden still had his arms around me as we walked to his car but I didn't mind one bit. </p><p>"So did you speak to him about what had happened." I nod. "That's great! I'm so proud of you. You are so brave you know that." He plants a kiss on my cheek. I hide my face in his chest. I liked the praise. It made butterflies in my stomach and my chest tighten a bit. It made me happy that I did a good thing. </p><p>"You know I think this deserves a celebration don't you?" I stayed silent not sure what to say. <br/>"How about we go to that store we went to last time and you can pick out anything you want. </p><p>"The store for littles like me?" He smiles and nodded. </p><p>"Do you want to go or we can go somewhere else if you'd like." </p><p>"No i would like to go to that one. Thank you."</p><p>"No problemo mi amor." He buckled me into the passenger seat and kissed my forehead. As he enters the drivers side after a few tries the car roars to life and he drives off to the mall. </p><p> </p><p>"I want you to stay close don't run off alright?" I nod my head. I can't wait to go back. I didn't really get to see and enjoy last time because of us not having a lot of time. </p><p>When we walked in there was a lot more people than last time. I think it's because it was Sunday. </p><p>I did a little window shopping as we passed by the many stores in the mall. One store caught my eye. I was so excited and happy to see it that I ran off and looked into the window. </p><p>"Joshua!" I jumped. I forgot Daddy said not to run off. Daddy walked over ands I got sad because I forgot and now he's gonna be mad. "Joshua what did I just say?" </p><p>"Not to run off" I look down at my shoes. </p><p>"And what did you do baby boy?"</p><p>"Run off. I'm sowwy I fowgot." I heard daddy sigh and he grabbed my hand. </p><p>"That's alright pumpkin just don't do it again. So what did you run off for?" I point to the store. It was build a bear workshop. I've never been before but when I was little I used to always see the commercials and it looked so cool. "Do you want one?" </p><p>I shake my head. "No it otay they cost too much." </p><p>"None sense, if my baby wants a build a bear stuffie then he's gonna get one." I has the best daddy in the world. </p><p>Daddy and me walk in and there wasn't a lot of people but there were some small kids running around. </p><p>"Pick one baby." I look over the many choices. There were so many, there was one that was of Jack skeleton, one of stitch that I liked buts I already has one. There was Pokémon ones that Felix might haves liked. And there was a lot of bear stuffies. I gasp. There is a Toothless stuffie. </p><p>"Daddy ook they has toothess." I whisper so people can't hear me. </p><p>"Do you like it?" I nod. Daddy then talks to a lady and she grabs it and tells us to go to the stuffing station. We go and then they fill toothless up so now he's all soft and squishy. Daddy then talks to one of them while I sign a certificate. I name him toothless because that's already his name. </p><p>Daddy hands it too me and I cuddle it as he pays for it. The lady looks at me weird and I hides behind daddy. </p><p>"It's alright baby don't pay attention to them." He whispers in my ear. </p><p>Once daddy finishes laying we head to the store. "We still going's to the store?" </p><p>"Of course that's why we came anyway."</p><p>"Buts I already gots something?" </p><p>"Yeah but we also need some supplies. I also want to get you some more things not just one." I nod and hug my new stuffie. When we enter the store and go through the door that goes to the little store it felt like the first time. It was so amazing. </p><p>Daddy grabs a cart he picks me up and puts me in the seat. He walks through the store, I look at the many things everything was bright and super colorful.</p><p>He puts in some baby food and some bottles. He puts a few more toys in and buys me toothbrush that has stitch on it! </p><p>"We can't forget about this." He grabs a pack of diapers and I hide my face in my hands. </p><p>"Oh don't be embarrassed princess." He kisses the top of my head and puts the pack in the cart. He puts some other supplies in like wipes and powder.  He even got some bubble baths that smell like strawberries.</p><p>I cuddle more with my stuffie and I notice a patch on his leg. It says something buts o can't make it out. I press it and it starts talking.</p><p>"Daddy loves you so much princess." Daddy turns when he hears the recording and smiles. I start crying. </p><p>"Oh baby do you not like it. I can change it if you don't want the recording in it." I shake my head I don't want him to change it I love it so much. Super duper love it. </p><p>"I love it. Ands I love you too daddy." I hug him and kiss him. He kisses me back.</p><p>"I love you too baby"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. 26</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I woke up to a terrible headache, and a terrible taste in my mouth. My body was sore and i had woken up in a soaked diaper. I knew I was sick, i knew but I didn't want to admit it. I got up to get ready and was hit with a wave of nausea and dizziness. I had to sit back on my bed until my vision went back to normal. </p><p>"Good morning baby." Jayden says in a cheery voice entering my room. It annoyed me how happy he was this early in the morning. </p><p>"Morning." My voice sounded terrible too and it hurt to talk and with my nose clogged up it felt like i was drowning. </p><p>"Oh no are you sick?" I shake my head and get back up to start getting ready but Jayden shoved me back down. He put his hand on y forehead and quickly pulled it back. "You are burning up!"</p><p>"I'm not sick now come on we have to go to school." I tried getting up again but he put his hand and pushed me down so that now i was laying in my bed. </p><p>"You are not going anywhere feeling like this. You can go back when you are feeling better but for now ill be you doctor." </p><p>"But i have to go I'm paying for these classes and I've already missed out a whole week." </p><p>"Doesn't matter you are not going. Now lets get you out of that wet diaper, then I can make you some of my famous chicken soup and you can watch cartoons all day." I'm not gonna lie that sounded amazing and there was nothing i wanted to do more than spend the day with him it i was serious about paying for these classes. I don't want it to seem to be a waste of my parents money.</p><p>Jayden left and came back with the supplies he bought the other day. He untaped the diaper and cleaned my prince part he put some baby powder and taped the fresh one on. My mind started feeling fuzzy again and i knew i was beginning to slip so I let myself completely go into my headspace. </p><p>"Daddy feel icky." i say and make grabby hands. He picked me up and gave me kisses on my cheeks.</p><p>"I know baby, I know you feel icky but don't worry daddy will help you feel better." Daddy carried me to the living room and put me on the couch. He left to his room ands i whined but he came back super fast with toothless stitchie and Dumbo. He even hads my blankie and paci. </p><p>"Here you go baby all your stuffies are here to make you feel better." He puts the paci in my mouth ands i suck on it cuddling into my warm blankie. Daddy puts on Sofia the first and it was so cool. She can talk to animals. I wish i could talk to animals that would be so cool I could be bestest friends with every animal. Buts i already has my own super power. Sofia can talk to animals but she cants talk to stuffies like i can. </p><p>Like yesterday me and toothless had a long talk about how he has to be super duper nice to stitchie and dumbo and cant eats them and then he tolds me that he only eats fishies. I press toothlesses paw and daddy's voice plays.</p><p>"Daddy loves you so much princess." I love it. I never want to let it go. yesterday i kept pressing it over and over. Daddy said i should give it a break at times or else it will breaks, and I don't want it to break. </p><p>Cedric is trying to get Sofias amulet and she doesn't know because she thinks that he is nice when he's not he's super duper mean. Then again I'd be mad too if someone keeps saying my name wrong even though he tells her all the time. Maybe he just needs a hug Felix gets cranky sometimes when he just needs a hug.</p><p>"I made soup baby i want you to eat it all up so you can feel all better." I didn't even notice that daddy left to make soup. Daddy wouldn't let me eat the soup on my own he put me in his lap and he feed me my soup. I couldn't taste it but I'm pretty sure it tasted super good. When i finished all my soup I still no feel good. My tummy started hurting ands i started crying.</p><p>"Oh baby I know being sick is no fun." He cradled me but that only made my tummy hurt more. I felt something coming up and into my mouth and it tasted yucky. </p><p>"No! No don't throw up in that!" I throws up in a bag that was next to the sofa. My throat hurt as i kept throwing up. I cried more because my tummy was still hurting. </p><p>"Sowwy" i cry into daddy's shoulder.</p><p>"It's okay baby ill just tell Felix that he needs to learn not to leave his things over here." As i cried daddy rubbed small circles on my back that made me feel a little better. My tummy was still hurting and i whimpered and holds onto it. </p><p>"Does your tummy hurt baby?" I nod i t even growled and it hurt. "Do you have to go potty?" I shrug i hope not I don'ts want to. I lean against daddy holding  my tummy. </p><p>Daddy started putting his hand on my tummy and starts pushing down. It made my tummy growl more and it was hurting. I cried and held on tighter. "It's alright baby just let go ill clean you up right away." I hold on even tighter as he pressed down harder. I felt the back of my diaper start fill up and i cried harder. I have never gone number two in my diaper. I hide my face into daddy's chest. The diaper crinkled as it filled up and when I was all done i started to pee. </p><p>"You are such a good boy. Don't worry ill clean you up princess." Daddy carries me to his room and lays me in his bed. When he sat me down my mess squished underneath me and I grew red.</p><p>Daddy quickly changes me it takes longer than it usually does when he finishes cleaning me he puts me in a clean diaper. I hide my face in his neck when he picks me up. I chew on his shirt collar it calmed me down a lot.  </p><p>Daddy goes back to the sofa and sits down with me in his lap. I watch Sofia the first and still chew on his shirt. </p><p>"Wanna try eating something again baby?" I nod. He goes to put me down but i hold on. "Baby i cant cook and carry you and the same time." I try to talk but I couldn't seem to word it right and i just babbled. Daddy's face went soft and he hugged me tightly. </p><p>"Oh i love baby you, but i cant carry you sweetie." I huff and hold on tight. I don't want daddy to leave. He slowly prys me off him and goes to the kitchen. I huff and start crying. I kick my legs and whine. Daddy still doesn't come back so I scream or try to my throat was all scratchy and it hurt. I cry and kick. Daddy comes back and i makes grabby hands. </p><p>Daddy picks me up and i stops crying. "Sweetie listen we don't do that. No tantrums okay. I told you that i cant carry you and when I left to get you something to eat you threw one. Now I'm gonna let this slide because you are feeling icky but next time you are going in time out." I nod it was a little hard to understand but i got it and i donts want to be in time out. I cry because I don't want daddy to be mad at me.</p><p>"Hey no more tears alright I'm not mad. And you are okay so no more tears. Lets watch some more tv." He changes the show to Tom and Jerry. I like Tom and Jerry. He puts something around my neck and starts feeding me this orange goop. It tasted better than it looked.</p><p>"Yum yum." I say and clap my hands.</p><p>"Mhm yummy." When I finish eating the orange he opens one that was green. He brings the spoon to my mouth and I goes to eat it. But it was not like the other one this one was yucky. I spit it out.</p><p>"Yucky." Daddy cleans me up the thing around my neck catched the food i spit. </p><p>"You need to eat it baby its good for you. Look daddy thinks the broccoli tastes so yummy." He took a spoon and eats some but spits it out. I giggle daddy made a funny face. "Yeah never mind that does taste yucky." He sets it down and takes off the thing around my neck. I lean against his chest. Daddy grabbed a bottle that he brought from kitchen. He wouldn't let me grab the bottle though he held it while i drank from it. </p><p>I close my eyes. Daddy made me feel safe and all better even when i had icky germs attacking my body. He's the best daddy in the world. I cuddle into daddy's chest and fall asleep drinking the warm milk.</p>
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<a name="section0027"><h2>27. 27</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jaydens POV </p><p>                        I had put down Josh for a nap awhile ago. I'm starting to realize that he tends to be at a younger age when he's stressed or something bad is going on around him poor thing. I started cleaning up around the living room. I put some blankets on the sofa for when Josh wakes up. A knock came from the door and i walked over to it looking through the peephole before opening it to ty and Felix stepping in. </p><p>"Hey i came for my bag." I smile and hand him the bag filled with puke. </p><p>"Perfect timing next time don't leave your stuff here."</p><p>"What the fuck! Why is it filled with vomit.. ugh i think I'm about to hurl." </p><p>"Can you shut up Josh is sick and i just got him down for a nap." I whisper-yelled. </p><p>"And Felix no cursing that's strike one." Ty said eyeing the puke filled bag. Felix nodded and walked out dumping his bag in the trash and slamming the door behind him. Josh's cries followed after. </p><p>"I'm sorry about him it's Monday you know how he is." I nod. I understand I'm just glad I'm not the one who has to put up with his moods. </p><p>"Ill be back in one second." I say and head to Josh's room. </p><p>He was curled up and his breath was shaky the poor thing was to tired to even cry properly. He kept sneezing and sniffling. I picked him up. "Oh baby you're all sniffly." As i picked him up I noticed that he had used his diaper so I head back out where ty  and Felix stood. </p><p>"I'm really sorry for slamming the door and waking Josh up." Felix apologized. I grab a tissue and clean Josh's nose. </p><p>"It's alright, but if you two don't get to your classes i don't think that you teachers would like it so go." They nod and head out the door. "Can you quit it I'm big right now!" Was what i heard from the hall before focusing back on Josh. </p><p>I head to my room and lay him down on my bed. I coo at him and pretend to bite his toes the room filled with his giggling. As i started to change him he Trieste trying to escape. "Stay still baby boy this will only take a second." He didn't listen and kept squirming. He whined as soon as the wipes touched him. " i know its cold princess just wait." I change him as quickly as i could. he tried crawling away but i picked him up and walked into the kitchen.</p><p>I coddle him as he nuzzled into my chest grabbing a fistful of my shirt and putting it in his mouth. Baby Josh is really just adorable. I pull my shirt away from his mouth I haven't gotten around to doing laundry and the last thing i need is for him to just make himself more sick. He whined a bit before grabbing my finger and lightly gnawing on it. </p><p>I grab a bottle from the fridge and heat it up. As i wait for it to beep i rock Josh slowly. It surprises me how light he is i should really get him to eat more. I stared at the timer in the microwave and opened the door a second before the sound could go off. </p><p>I grab the bottle and sit on the couch i hold Josh in an infant style. I coo and start feeding him. I cant believe that this gorgeous little boy is mine. It hurts me to even think about someone hurting him. After he was done with his bottle i patted his back and he let out a small burp. </p><p>"Such a good boy." I kiss his cheek. He gave me the most adorable smile. I felt his forehead and he was still hot and he was shivering. I lay him down on the sofa and get up to get a cold wet rag to put on his forehead. I didn't even make it to the kitchen before i heard Josh's whine. i made sure to be quick so he wouldn't start crying again. </p><p>His attachment to me was cute at first but it has turned out to be a real hassle. I would carry him but I'm scared ill ruin my back from carrying him to much even with how light he is. I come back into the living area and his sad face quickly returned to a happy one. I place the washcloth on his head he whined for a bit but he eventually relaxed and snuggled against me. I turn on the the tv putting on some random kids show. He then seemed to light up as he laid his head on my lap and watched the show. </p><p>After five minutes i lost interest in it. Josh on the other hand seemed to think it was the most amazing thing in the world. It was about some boy dressed in blue who was friends with a pink elephant a duck and some other animals. The characters don't even talk its some narrator in the background but Josh seemed to like it so i kept it on. I played with his hair for a bit. It's so soft. </p><p>"Daddy" </p><p>"Yes baby." He must be aging up a bit.</p><p>"I no feel good."</p><p>"Do you feel like you're gonna throw up." He nodded. I quickly picked him up and ran to the bathroom.</p><p>"Please don't puke on me!"</p><p>"No promises" he said softly and gagged. I make it to the bathroom and sit him in front of him as he threw up the small amount that he ate. Phew that was a close call</p><p>He starts crying as he dry heaves into the toilet. "I'm dying" </p><p>"Don't be dramatic love, its probably just a cold possibly the flu" I say as i rub his back trying my best to soothe him.  He flushes the toilet and i help him rinse and wash his mouth. </p><p>"How about i run you a nice bath with bubbles and you can play with your toys." He nods so I start running him a warm bath. I pour some of the bubble mix thingy and put some of his toys in there as well. I strip him down and place  him gently into the tub. </p><p>"I'm sorry." He says softly as i start washing him. </p><p>"For what baby?"</p><p>"I'm sick and now you are missing school cebause of me ands you are taking care of me and latew you might get sick too and feel all icky." </p><p>"Baby I'm taking care of you because i want to, and don't worry i wont get sick i have an amazing immune system."</p><p>"Otay" After that he seemed to relax as he laid in the tub. He barely played with his toys instead he just laid there enjoying the bath. </p><p>Once i got him all dressed in his adorable pajamas we spent the rest of the day watching cartoons while at times rushing to the bathroom as to not get vomit all over the floor. Josh can be a nightmare when he's sick. All day yelling, crying, and fussing but i could care less i loved taking care of him. </p><p> </p><p>The next morning I woke up with a scratchy throat, a massive headache and a stuffed nose. FUCK!</p>
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<a name="section0028"><h2>28. 28</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Josh's POV </p><p>         At the end of the week both Jayden and I were feeling much better. We still went to school even though we were both sick and i still felt bad for letting Jay take care of me and getting him sick as well. So to make up for it i tried making some waffles.</p><p>Key word tried.</p><p>I cant seem to get the damn waffle iron working. I think I put to much milk into the batter. Is it supposed to be this liquidy? God damn it I'm in college I should know how to make some waffles. Oh ok so this thing is on and i just put the batter in right? As i put the batter in and closed it I think i put too much because it started seeping through the sides. Oh well. Now time to make some eggs. How did Jayden do them last time. He said he used the microwave. I started cracking some eggs and putting them into a bowl. One egg didn't want to open so i bashed it in and took out most of the eggshells. Hopefully he wont choke on them or something. </p><p>I put the bowl into the microwave and let it heat up. What else should I do? Does he like oranges?  I thin he does. I cut an orange in half at least and place it on the plate. The waffles dinged and when i opened it I'm hit with a puff of smoke. I start coughing and waving the smoke out so i could see. At least they aren't that burnt. Only a few burnt parts. I place it on the plate with the orange. </p><p>Suddenly a noise goes off a loud beeping sound fills the dorm. Jay runs into the kitchen half asleep. "What happened?" </p><p>"I'm so sorry I tried making you some breakfast but I've never done it before and then there was so much smoke and this loud noise started I didn't mean to wake you up so early." </p><p>Jay goes to his rom and grabs a blanket and starts waving it through the air. The smoke starts to clear up but the beeping was still going on. He grabs the broom and presses a button and the beeping stops. </p><p>"Sorry"</p><p>"You don't have be sorry baby I appreciate you trying to make me breakfast. It's the thought that counts." The microwave dings and I take out the eggs. Is it supposed to be that runny? I shrug it off and place it on the plate. "Here you go" I hand it to him and he eyes the plate. I probably didn't do it right. </p><p>"You don't have to eat it. It will probably give you food poisoning or something." I go to grab the plate but he shakes his head and brings the plate closer to him. He grabs a fork and starts eating. God i hope it doesn't taste awful. </p><p>"Mmmm. This is really good Josh are you sure you haven't cooked before?" Its good? </p><p>"Really? It taste good are you sure?" He nods and takes another bite. </p><p>"Its the most delicious thing I've ever tasted." He gives me a kiss. "Thank you for this wonderful breakfast." I smile I'm glad he like it. "Now go get ready we have school today." I nod and head to my room. </p><p>I put Jaydens hoodie that he had given to me one time, it still smelled like him, cedar and leather. I put on some jeans and some sneakers. I grab my bag and head out to the kitchen to see Jayden cleaning his now empty plate.</p><p>"Thanks for the breakfast here you didn't get to eat." He places a bowl of fruits in front of me. </p><p>"Thank you" he nods and heads to his room to get dressed. I eat my bowl of fruits eating them all. I wash the bowl and wait for Jayden to finish getting ready. </p><p>He walks out of his room in a white t-shirt black pants sneakers and a leather jacket. </p><p>"Ready?'' I nod and he takes my hand and we walk to first period. </p><p>—————————————————————————————————————————————————    </p><p>                         I've noticed something in Mr. Richards class. Every time we start working individually he will come over to me and whispers things into my ear. Things about remembering not to tell anyone. And how much of a slut I am. And every time Jay tries to trip him or hurt him in some type of way to make it seem accidental. But its not only to me. He  goes to other kids and whispers things in there ear. I used to think that he was just helping them out with a problem or something but what if. What if by some chance I'm not the only one he's done this to.</p><p>If that's the case then i feel bad for all the people he's hurt and used. But i cant be sure. Maybe he is only helping them or maybe he is threatening them. I wont know unless i ask the other students but what am i supposed to say. Hey my name is Joshua we've never ever spoken before because I have a problem where i cant talk to people you know like a normal person can but I'm talking to you now to ask if you've been a victim of rape by our dear old math teacher who can somehow get his dick up. </p><p>I'd sound insane that and i wouldn't even make it past the first sentence. Jay said that tomorrow we would be going to the deans office to talk to him about what had happened but I don't have any proof. No video, no marks because it happened so long ago, no witnesses. If there were other people who have been assaulted by him and they told the dean then maybe, maybe he will have a chance to go to jail. </p><p>But I can never be to sure. And i cant get my hopes up that maybe there is a way to put this man behind bars and far away from me.</p>
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<a name="section0029"><h2>29. 29</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Warning: mentions of sexual harassment may be triggering to readers</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I sat outside the deans office feeling like I had a black hole in my stomach. I couldn't stop shaking my leg or playing with my fingers. I wanted to head back home and hide under my blankets. Heck I'll even eat a bucket of Brussels sprouts.</p><p> I didn't want to do this but at the same time i did. I wanted to be able to feel safe at school and not worry about my teacher touching me again. I wanted to prove to Jay that i was brave I had to prove to myself that i was capable of taking action. I felt Jay's hand rest on my leg. My leg had stopped shaking and i looked up at Jay. He gave me a soft smile and without even having to say anything I knew he was saying that he was right there if something goes wrong. </p><p>The secretary was looking at us. I don't know if its because we are two guys who were looking at each other all lovey dovey or if it's because there's a grown man in a dark blue sweater with a bear in the middle and some overalls waiting to talk to the dean. </p><p>"Joshua Brightly?'' I look towards the direction where my name was called and saw a man  in a suit and tie standing at the door. I got up from my seat and Jayden followed as we entered his office.</p><p>"How may I help you Mr. Brightly?" I felt the knot in my throat grow the one that always prevents me from speaking to someone normally. I gulped trying to swallow the imaginary knot but it was no use. </p><p>"Um i-I'd like to re-report an incident." The deans face turned from a soft look to a more stern and serious one. He looked a little taken aback or maybe he wasn't i cant tell. He pulled out a piece of paper and pen. </p><p>"Could you describe it please." He stated rather than questioned.</p><p>"Um yeah uh you kn-know Mr. Richards?" Stupid of course he knows Mr. Richards he most likely hired him.</p><p>"Yes i am aware of who Mr. Richards is." The way he is looking at me is making it hard to breathe. I started playing with my fingers again and picking at my lip with teeth. Jay put his hand on mine, he removed my fingers from each other and held onto my hand giving me a small squeeze. </p><p>"Well he um he- he sex-sexually ha..harassed me." I watched as he put the pen down and eyed me. </p><p>"You do know what you are claiming isn't a joke, this man could lose his job, ruin his reputation and possibly send him to jail?" I knew it. I knew he wasn't going to believe me. Of course he doesn't believe me. </p><p>"Sir we are both extremely aware that this isn't a joke. We know he can lose his job and possibly go to jail and I want to see to it that it does. Josh has had to put up with not only the fact  of being sexually harassed but also being threatened by him." </p><p>"Alright when did this happen."</p><p>"L-last month on a Sun-Sunday" </p><p>"How come you didn't come to me with this sooner?" </p><p>"Because he was threatened I thought we  established that."</p><p>"And how are you in any way related to this topic?" </p><p>"Well for one I'm his boyfriend and two his roommate and three I'm also in Mr. Richards class and i sit right next to him."</p><p>"Alright well was it on school grounds?" I nod.</p><p>"May I ask where?"</p><p>"His-his classroom."</p><p>"Well thats Highly unsanitary."</p><p>"Sir!" </p><p>"Sorry, so um here i need you to fill out this form." I looked over the paper. It was long and a list of types of ways a person can rape you. Ive never even heard of some of these things. I filled out everything and my report about what had happened.</p><p>"I'm sorry but how do you know that he's not lying? Maybe he slept with someone else and is filled with guilt and choosing to tell you he had sex with someone else while putting the blame on an innocent teacher?"</p><p>"Apology not accepted this is very rude. Why don't you believe him? Listen when it happened we weren't even together. He had spent a whole week absent because he couldn't even bare to see him. And when he did he almost had a panic attack. He locked himself away and you have records so you can see that he was in fact absent for a full week."</p><p>"Alright were there any witnesses was anyone around when it happened or when he threatened you?" </p><p>"Yes i was around when he threatened him sometimes i hear him call him names."</p><p>"Such as.."</p><p>He turns to me and makes a face asking wether to go on I nod and squeeze his hand a bit.</p><p>"Slut, whore and other harsher ones that i will not be saying right now." </p><p>"Alright well thank you for bringing this to my attention I will do what i can to solve this issue. you guys may leave." We nod and Jay doesn't let go of my hand even after we leave his office. When we were in the hallway i let out a huge sigh glad that i was out of his office.</p><p>"You were so brave baby. I am so proud of you." He gives me a kiss on my forehead and I give a small smile.</p><p>"For being such a brave boy I think you deserve a treat whatever you want baby."  I smile and thought about it.</p><p>"Um can we has McDonalds and eats it at the spot you took me last time the one with the stars?" I felt the familiar fussy feeling from the way he was talking to me. </p><p>"Of course anything for you." He gives me a kiss and just like always sparks fly and i feel like i had just been electrocuted but a good electrocuted. I don't think that makes sense.</p><p>Jay keeps his hand on mine and we walk back to our dorm. He grabs a few things and places is it in my book bag before we head out to his car. He buckles me into the passenger seat and kisses me on the cheek like he always does. </p><p>It took him a while to start the car but it turned on like it always does. His car seems old, i wonder how long he's had it? </p><p>"So you want to listen to some music?" </p><p>"Sure."</p><p>"Do you have anything in mind?" I shake my head and point to him.</p><p>"You choose."</p><p>"I choose the music?" I nod. "Ok but i must warn you a lot of people have said that i have terrible choice in music." He connects his phone to the car and starts putting on some music before exiting the parking lot and driving off to McDonalds. His music mainly consisted of Shakira and some Spanish ones that I didn't understand. </p><p>"Dame mas gasolina ey!" I giggle a bit as he sings this song in a high pitch voice.</p><p>"A Ella le gusta la gasolina!" He hears my giggles and sticks his tongue out and i laugh even more.</p><p>"Alright what do you want from McDonalds baby boy?" I think about it for a bit.</p><p>"Can I haves a happy meal?" I ask softly. I'm still not used to asking for things.</p><p>"Of course baby." He ruffles my hair and goes to the drive thru to order. He orders two cokes for the both of, me the happy meal and a Big Mac with fries and some nuggets for himself. We waited until we were at the spot to start eating. He got out a thin blanket from my bookbag and placed it on the ground. He got out our unhealthy meal and placed on the blanket. </p><p>As we ate I looked at the scenery. It's different during the day the trees were pretty with with there colorful leaves. The sky was somewhat clear, and we were up high that we are able to see the rest of the forest and where it gets cut off by the highway.</p><p>The sun was almost setting and the sky would soon be filled with bright colors. </p><p>Jay fed me my food even though I'm not in little space right now. But when he put the milk that came with he happy meal into a bottle that I didn't even know he put into my bag I started slipping. </p><p>Daddy wrapped us in a warm fluffy blanket and we just sat there admiring the view. We watched as evening turned to sunset and sunset turn to night, and the night sky illuminated with millions of stars. We talked about random none sense and would stop enjoying the sounds of nature until one of us started talking again. </p><p>I felt my eyes grow heavy and a yawned slipped from my mouth. Daddy decided that it was time to go home. So we left, he packed up the things and as usual buckled me up and kissed me. </p><p>The last thing I saw were the trees passing by before I let myself fall asleep.</p>
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<a name="section0030"><h2>30. 30</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jays pov:</p><p>    I sat on the couch drinking water trying to ignore the cries that came from my room. This is my first time having to punish Josh and fuck who knew this would be so hard.</p><p>Every time I've had to punish Mikey or Felix when I babysat them it was never this hard. I wanted nothing more than to run into my room and pick him up cradling him telling him that it was alright. </p><p>But it wasn't alright, today I have no idea what happened. Josh is usually so sweet and is scared of even thinking about breaking any of the rules. But today it's like the devil possessed him. </p><p>He had woken up fussy today which was normal for him, I've come to find out that he hates mornings. But today it was definitely more than just being upset because he had to wake up. </p><p>I hear the timer ring signaling that his time out was done. What had meant to be only a 15 minute timeout turned to be two hours. Every time I sat him and leave he would get back up causing me to sit him back down and restart the timer. </p><p>I open the door to my room to see Josh no longer in the corner that I originally put him in. Instead he was in the corner between my bed and the wall. I don't know how he manages to fit into these tiny spaces. He was still fully crying and it broke my heart.</p><p>"Josh your time outs over you can come out now." He shook his head and kept crying. </p><p>"Josh sweetie come here." He shakes his head again and let's out a sob.</p><p>"No be mad I sorry, pease no hate me I sorry daddy!" His body racked with sobs. Another piece of my heart broke from the thought of him thinking I hate him. </p><p>"Baby I don't hate you" I reach into the small space and slowly bring him out, I wrap my arms around him and cradle him. "I don't hate you I can never hate you, all I did was put you in time out because you weren't behaving. Can you tell me what you did wrong?" I moved so that I was holding his arms and looking at him. </p><p>"I- I throw my beakfast on floor, a-ands I, I make a a big mess ands the, then I t-throw tantums." He would stutter and gasp, I blew cold air in his face to try and cool him down. </p><p>"That's right baby and we can't do those things, now can you tell me what wrong? You don't usually act like this you're always such a good boy?" </p><p>"I dunno!" He started crying even more and I brought him to my chest and cradle him. After a while he calmed down. </p><p>"That's alright baby I think that's a talk for when you are feeling bigger. Now you are gonna help me clean the mess you made and then you can go watch some cartoons how does that sound?" I wiped the rest of his tears and grabbed a wipe to clean his face. He smiles and nods. I hold his hand and we walk to the living room. </p><p>I sent Josh to clean up his toys that were scattered all over the floor while I went to the kitchen and cleaned up the oatmeal he threw onto the ground. </p><p>After everything was cleaned up I grab his blankie and stuffed animals and bring them over to him. I put on some random show and snuggle him into the couch. I'm glad he calmed down I prefer doing this than having to punish him. </p><p>I gave him so many cuddles and kisses. It hurt me having to punish him and I wish I never have to do it again, but I'm pretty sure it will. </p><p>"Jay?" It shocked me how he just slipped out of his headspace he usually stays in it all day when we have the day off from school. </p><p>"Yes mi amor?"</p><p>"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for making a mess and screaming and cursing." I hold him close and kiss the top of his head.</p><p>"It's fine sweetie, I mean what daddy would I be if I couldn't put up with a few tantrums." I tried to lighten him up but he still had that sad look on his face.</p><p>"I, I don't know why I acted that way. I I hate it. Sometimes I get mad and upset at random times and for no reason and then I feel bad so so bad especially today when I broke so many rules and you're not a cunt fucking banana child I don't even know why I said that."  That was the most shocking part of my day. I had to refrain myself from laughing when he said that.</p><p>"How long have you been feeling like this?"</p><p>"Since IT happened." I nod. This is probably the effect of the whole thing. I hold him even closer if that was any way humanly possible. I give as many kisses trying to give him the same amount of kisses that he had in freckles. </p><p>"I love you so much baby boy and I don't care about a few tantrums or if you curse at me which they are breaking the rules but that's what I'm here for. To make sure you follow them and if you break one or two having to punish you. Which I don't like by the way god it's so hard to punish you, now I understand why my mom would say this hurts me more than you." He started to smile a bit.</p><p>"I love you too." </p><p>"Now you didn't eat breakfast or lunch so you are gonna have to eat something now."</p><p>"Do I have to?"</p><p>"Yes. You are too light for own good and believe me I love being able to carry you but that is not healthy you need to gain some weight baby boy." I give him a quick kiss on his head and go to the kitchen to make something as he sat in the couch watching his cartoons. </p><p>I've found out that when he's around two or three he's way less clingy than when he's around one. It made cooking much easier than when he's my little baby. </p><p>I made some quesadillas with the small portable stove Josh's mom got us. For some reason Josh hates cheese but loves quesadillas which is filled with cheese which I don't get at all. I let them cool for a bit. I cut them up into tiny pieces and brought them to him along with his sippy cup. </p><p>"Thankies." He immediately started eating.</p><p>"Your welcome princess." He grabbed his sippy cup and drank it holding it with both hands. He is so adorable. </p><p>After he was done eating I washed his plate and went back to my room fetching for his paci. As soon as I found it i brought it over to the couch placing it in his mouth as he watched tv. The room was a mix of sounds coming from the tv and the sounds of Josh sucking on the pacifier. </p><p>————————————————————————</p><p>I heard a yawn slip out of Joshs mouth as he rubbed his eyes with his fist. The pacifier slipped out but I caught t before it could land on the floor. </p><p>"I think someone is getting sleepy." He yawns and shakes his head slowly. </p><p>"Nu uh no seepy wide awake." He gave out another yawn contradicting himself.</p><p>"Sure baby, but daddy is tired and I think it's almost bedtime." I check my phone to see it was almost 10. </p><p>"Yup we definitely have to go to sleep." I walk Josh to the bathroom and it was a hassle to get him to brush his teeth but soon enough his teeth were brushed and was getting ready for bed. </p><p>"I no need diaper I big boy now." Josh said as soon as he saw me grabbing the pack. </p><p>"I know you're a big boy joshie but you tend to wet the bed when you go to sleep little. This way I don't have to keep washing the sheets." He looked conflicted and gave a small whine before nodding and laying down on my bed. </p><p>I quickly diaper him up and blew some raspberry kisses onto his stomach. He burst into a fit of giggles and small shrieks. I then dress him up in a warm footsie pajama with dragons on it. </p><p>"Already for bed?" He nods and hides under the covers. I get in my self and he curls up next to me. I make sure to get in a position that won't have me waking up with a numb arm before giving him his pacifier and cuddling up next to him. His eyes slowly begin to close as he drifts off to sleep</p><p>I play a bit with his soft hair and wonder how I got so lucky.</p>
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<a name="section0031"><h2>31. 31</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The past few weeks have been amazing. Mr. Richards job as a math professor has been suspended until further notice. We won't go to court till early December and he's not allowed on school grounds. I'm still a little scared every time I leave the school but most of the time I'm always with Jay so I don't worry to much. </p><p>Jay and I have been amazing I still don't know what going on with me lately I've been throwing tantrums in little space and I don't know I don't want to be bad but sometimes I act out I guess. But Jay has been amazing time and time again. He never gets mad even when he punishes me because I've been bad. He's absolutely the best person in the whole world. </p><p>Even Brooke has been staying away from me. A little insults from time to time, a shove here or there but other than that no big I'm gonna kill you things. </p><p>I've gotten closer to the others, Mikey and I have been talking a lot mainly him trying to teach me about fashion since he says Felix has no interest or sense of fashion. And when we are little mainly about who would win in a fight Spider-Man or Stitch. Obviously Stitch Jay even agreed with me so that means I have to be right. </p><p>Felix and I have gotten close too, I just have to make sure I stay away from him on Mondays, he really hates Monday's. We talk about Pokémon  don't know a lot about it but Felix knows so many and can name like 100 off the top of his head. </p><p>As I walked the long hallways to my next class I hear a small noise. </p><p>I stopped and stood there waiting to hear the noise again. When I did I realized it was coming from the Janitors closet. </p><p>I put my ear up to the door and listened. I don't know why I should probably leave like what if people are having sex in there. As I listened I heard sobbing on the other side. Alright so people aren't doing the nasty in there. </p><p>I slowly open the door to see a blonde girl with her head in her knees sobbing her eyes out. I didn't know what to do, do I leave her be or comfort her. </p><p>She looked up at me and I realized it was Brooke!</p><p>"What are you doing here fucking retard leave!" She shoves me but it was pretty weak as she put her head back in her knees and continued crying.</p><p>Now I really didn't know what to do. I should go right? I mean any other normal person would. But I'm not normal so I close the door behind me and sit down next to her in the dark closet. </p><p>"What the fuck? I said leave me alone!" I sigh wrap my arm around her rubbing her back the same way Jay always does for me. </p><p>"What's wrong why are you crying?" </p><p>"I...fuck off!" She moves away from me and I let her. </p><p>"Sorry I won't touch you just tell me what's wrong...I know...I know that it's better to talk about it... it's better to talk rather than go through it alone." My eyes start adjusting to the dark and I can make out her face. She's looking at me as if I had two heads. </p><p>"Why are being nice to me?" I shrug. </p><p>"I've been nothing but terrible to you... I don't... I don't deserve this... this is a trick isn't it? I'm gonna tell you all my problems and you're probably recording it all right now. And too get back at me you'll post on Instagram or some other shit for people to laugh at me right?" Well fuck you!" </p><p>"I'm not gonna do that,... um here you look.... you can look at my phone I'm not recording anything. Besides if we're going to tell someone who would believe me." </p><p>She stares at my phone and back at me and she's gives out a sigh and wipes her face. </p><p>"Alright um well first things first I'm so sorry for the way I've been treating you I don't know why I've just been acting out and acting strange lately. I really do regret everything I've done to you I just I don't know get mad sometimes when I see you with him. And I know that's not right you guys are together now and I should respect that. And um I have so much shit going back at home. Heck I might have to drop out of college and I don't want to do that I love going here but I have things to do and someone to look after..... You see my mom was diagnosed with cancer, Leukemia it's something about her white blood cells not working right and too many of them and it blocks the red ones and you know some other shit." She takes in a deep shaky breathe. I feel bad for her I mean yeah she tormented me almost everyday these past two months but still no one deserves this. </p><p>"And she oh god she just passed away!" She screams and cries this time she got close and hugged me hard. I try to soothe her as best as I could. </p><p>"I have siblings they just turned 1 twins. God what am I supposed to do with twins. I mean I'm the next of kin and I'm old enough to take them in but I don't have a job or house I live in the dorms and I can't bring them here of course and I can't go back home it's too far. Oh and my mother would come back alive and kill me if I were to let them go into foster care." She cried some more. </p><p>"I'm very sorry I am just I... I'm very sorry of all the things I've did to you I promise I'll leave you and Jay alone." Sh scoffs. "This might be the last time I see you so I'm so so sorry about everything. God my life is a mess not to mention Mr. Richards... never mind about that." </p><p>"Wait what about Mr. Richards?" </p><p>"Well me and him had a....conversation one time and he told me not to tell people about it and now with the suspension he thinks I told." Oh god I was right I'm not the only one.</p><p>"Brooke I'm the one.... I'm the one who told... he's done it to me too...the whole "conversation" it happened to me too." She stopped crying for a second. She looked up at me.</p><p>"What?" She pulled away from me and just looked.</p><p>"You told?! Wait I'm not the only one? You told?! Why on earth would you do that! Do you have any idea what you've done!" She stood up and I followed suit. </p><p>"Well um... no but hey you can help me...to you know but him away for a long time... if there were two victims...listen we have a good chance to put him in jail."</p><p>"I don't know Josh the things he could do to me."</p><p>"Joshua... it's Joshua I don't forgive you that much." I added and she nods.</p><p>"Anyways the things he could do to me and it's different.... with you they'd see it like it actually is... with me....with me they'll call me a slut that I asked for it. But I didn't...  I didn't fucking ask for it!" She kicks a bucket filled with water wetting both of us. </p><p>"Just think about it....I'm gonna go to class now have a good day." I exit the janitors closet dripping dirty water everywhere, eww. That was the most weirdest conversation I've ever had.</p><p>I walk to class and went through the rest of the day with an extra pip in my step. This month has been going great. </p><p>"Josh?" I turn and see Jay.</p><p>"Hi" I reply with a smile. He looked concern though.</p><p>"Are you alright why are your clothes wet? Did somebody do this to you?" </p><p>I shake my head and give him a smile. "No just a small incident with a janitors bucket. But hey Brooke apologized and she really regrets what she did." Jay didn't seem as happy as I thought he would.</p><p>"Brooke? Wait you spoke to Brooke is that why your clothes are wet did she do this? Sweetie you know that she could just be saying that to get in your head?" </p><p>"I don't think so I think she was really genuine she was crying."</p><p>"I know baby but sometimes you can be too sweet and innocent and some people take advantage of that."</p><p>"What? I might be sweet and innocent but I think I can handle choosing who I forgive?" I cross my arms and give a stern look.</p><p>"Um... yeah I believe you can do that I never said— and just because I'm you know a little doesn't mean that I need to come to you with everything? I can handle myself just fine!" I interrupted.</p><p>"Hey, whats going on? You do know I'm just worried about you?" </p><p>"Yeah and you don't have to be like I said I can handle myself but no you want to get to control everything." I turn away and start walking. I don't want him to see me cry. </p><p>"Where are you going?!"</p><p>"To class I'm gonna be late!" </p><p>"Your class is the other way!" I stop and look around shit he's right. I turn around and quickly speed walk passing him trying to find my class. </p><p>"I'll see you later!"</p><p>"Whatever!"</p>
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<a name="section0032"><h2>32. 32</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jays POV</p><p> </p><p>"Ty i need your advice on something." School was over and i had went to Ty's dorm rather than mine. I wanted to give Josh some space and i chance to cool down. </p><p>"Wait you need my advice on something? Are you sure?" I sigh this is probably the dumbest thing I've done going to him for advice but then again he has the most experience in this. </p><p>"Yes you dumbass, now help me before I change my mind." </p><p>"Alright- alright so what's your problem?"</p><p>"So me and Josh had this fight. And i don't know what to do we've never had an argument before" I mean sure these little mood swings of him usually happen when hes in little space and the most I've had to done is make him pick up his toys or maybe a five minute timeout. I don't know what to do when hes big.</p><p>"What was the argument about?"</p><p>"That's the thing i don't know! He just snapped."</p><p>"Well what were you guys talking about?"</p><p>"Um oh his clothes were all wet and I asked him if he was alright and then he said something about an incident with a bucket of water but then he told me that Brooke apologized to him. I told him to be careful because well you know how he is is innocent and too sweet for his own good. People take advantage of that. Ive seen people ask him for help and he ends up doing all their work before moving onto his own. And then he got mad and just flipped out." I rub my temples this whole thing is starting to give me a headache.</p><p>"Well what did he saaay?"</p><p>"Ugh something about me wanting to control everything and.... oh and him disagreeing on how i described him but that doesn't change that he is too nice for his own good."</p><p>"And why are you coming to me with this again? Why not Arya?"</p><p>"Because with how many times you and Felix fight i think you have way more experience compared to her."</p><p>"Well you got that right." Ty looks over to Felix who was currently taking a nap his head laying in Ty's lap with a pacifier in his mouth bobbing every few seconds. </p><p>"Anyways here's what you do. Apologize no matter if you think you're right and he's wrong apologize it'll calm him down. When i apologize to Felix I buy him something I know he will like or i make him his favorite breakfast i treat him like the queen he is. Next when hes calmed down completely talk about it there's always some deeper meaning in every argument especially one as silly as the one you guys just had. Or maybe he was just cranky, Felix can  be like that sometimes." I nod that actually wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. </p><p>"You know that's actually some good advice."</p><p>"Don't sound so surprised like you said I'm an expert in this field." I grab my things and leave with a quick bye. I head to my car and drive to the mall. </p><p> </p><p>'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''</p><p>Lets see, no...no god who knew shopping could be so hard! Well I know he likes stuffed animals but i want to get him something special. </p><p>He likes Disney...maybe I should get him some Disney stuff? Wait he did say something about liking to paint. He doesn't have anything to paint on or with. I think i just found a gift. </p><p>I search through the stored trying to find some nice art supplies for him. I ended up at Micheals and as clueless as ever. Do i just buy regular paint what's the difference between acrylic and oil? Should i just get him watercolor? And paper which ones aren't gonna bleed through? I should have done some research. </p><p>In the end i bought some oil paint a lot of different types of brushes and large paper. I hope he likes it. </p><p>When i walked through the door I don't know what I expected maybe another mess to pick up or i don't know something but everything was clean. The floor looked like it had been mopped I didn't even know we had a mop. Things were put away it smelled like a hospital. I went to Josh's room and everything was spotless in there too. I head to my room and it was cleaner than I've ever seen it before. I look and there was Josh on my bed curled up his butt sticking the air with his knees tucked under him and his thumb in his mouth. It didn't really seem like a comfortable position but he seemed to be comfortable and adorable. </p><p>I place the gift in his room and carefully go into my bed as to not wake him up. It didn't really work because he began to stir.</p><p>"Mmm... Jayden?" He stretched and i flinched at the sound of his bones popping. </p><p>"I'm here baby." He then jumped up and hugged me.</p><p>"I'm so so so so sorry i dont know why i got so mad I shouldn't have screamed I'm so sorry." I pull away and i could see the hurt in his eyes. I gave him a gentle kiss and a soft smile.</p><p>"Its alright and I'm sorry for offending you i should choose my words more carefully." He shakes his head in disagreement.</p><p>"No its my fault i snapped for no reason. You shouldn't be sorry."</p><p>"What if we are both sorry and just leave it at that." Josh thought about it before nodding. </p><p>"Did you clean the whole room?"</p><p>"Yeah i... tend to do that when I'm... when I'm like stressed or upset." </p><p>"Well there's something for you in your room." He gave me a curious look before heading towards his room.</p><p>i followed him and the look on his face when he saw the gift on his bed was the best thing I've ever seen. He started tearing up and shaking his head.</p><p>"Why? I dont... i dont deserve this i yelled at you...i got into an argument with you...so why...why are you giving me a gift?"</p><p>"Because you do deserve it. You deserve every single possible thing you can ever think of. And I felt terrible for hurting your feelings and I remember how you told me you used to paint a lot till Jessie was born." He hugged me and mumbled about a million thank yous. </p><p>"Josh there is one thing i want to talk to you about." </p><p>"What about?" He started messing with his fingers twisting and tangling them among each other.</p><p>"About these mood swings of yours."</p><p>"Oh" he looked down at his feet and i felt bad I wanted to quickly change the subject but this is something that needs to be addressed.</p><p>"Listen i want you to talk about it with your therapist on Sunday alright? Ive never seen you act out before an from what you tell me every time after it passes you don't know why. do you think you can do that for me?" He nods his head, and i kiss his forehead.</p><p>"You are so brave you know that. And such a good boy." His face seem to glow up with the praise. "Now do you wanna start painting?" </p><p>"Yess painting!" I laugh a bit and watch as he started getting  everything set up.</p>
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<a name="section0033"><h2>33. 33</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Josh's POV</p><p>       As i sat down in the living room playing with my toys i had the bestest idea ever. Daddy was on the couch sleeping i made sure to be extra careful not to wake him up. I tip toed and pretended to be a ninja. I giggle as i made my way into the kitchen and looked at the mini fridge that we were given from the school. </p><p>What is life like for food? I wanna see it must be so cool! I takes out all the food and things we had in there and put it on the counter. When i had everything out i climb inside it was very tight but i got in. When i closed the door the lights went off and it was cold. This is so cool! It will be a great hiding spot for hide and go seek. </p><p>It was great and cool but the longer i stayed in there the colder i got. I like the cold but this was too cold. I tried to get out but I couldn't move. I tried to kick the door open but my legs were all trapped together. The fridge was trying to eat me! I try and move but i cant the fridges was trying to swallow me. I don't think this was such a great idea as I thought it was. </p><p>Life for food is scary and boring. Nothing happens and they are in the cold and dark all day. Ahhhhh it's dark! </p><p>"Daddy!" What if he cant hear me? What if something happened and now I'm stuck in here forever and ever. What if this was the fridges plan all along! This isn't fun anymore. I started crying and called for daddy a couple more times. </p><p>Just when I thought no one was coming the door opens and the light turns on.</p><p>"What are you doing in there?"</p><p>"Daddy help I'm stuck! The fridge is trying to eat me!" And then daddy did the most terrible thing ever he laughed! </p><p>"No funny"</p><p>"I know cariño I'm sorry but its your fault no one told you to go into the fridge. How did you even fit in there?" He helps me out and I hug him. His body felt so hot compared to my cold skin. </p><p>"You're so cold how long were you in there?"</p><p>"Dunno but it was a long long time."</p><p>"I guess I should know better than to sleep when i have a little boy I'm supposed to be watching." He gives me Eskimo kisses and it made me giggle. </p><p>"Lets get you into some cozy clothes so you can be nice and warm." He carries me to his room and grabs some fluffy pjs and helps get into them. My diaper was a little wet because of how scary the fridge was but not so much in order for it to be changed. </p><p>"What do you think about coming over to my house for thanksgiving break?" I didn't expect him to ask me that. I look up at him and he was smiling which made me smile too.</p><p>"Really?" He nodded and i jumped up hugged him saying like a thousand yeses and jumping up and down.</p><p>"Great, but no jumping on the bed." I nod and jump up and while mid air sit criss cross applesauce falling onto the bed. I giggle that was super fun. </p><p>"Wait but what about my family?" </p><p>"I thought you said you guys don't celebrate Thanksgiving?" I nod that was true but knowing my mom she would want me in the house. She will not like me being in another house. </p><p>"Yeah but my mom is still expecting me she doesn't like me being in someone else's house."</p><p>"I mean you could ask her or we could spend Thursday and Friday at mine and Saturday and Sunday at yours?" </p><p>"That sounds good but what if they ask my parents don't know I'm gay and its they could possibly disown me and i dont know they might even kill me well maybe not kill me but i heard that Izak came out as pansexual to his family and then they sat shiva. That is like the worst thing you can do ever." </p><p>"I'm sorry i have no idea what that is."</p><p>"Shiva is when a person dies and there family mourns for seven days. Jayden what if they do it to me, them doing that to poor Izak means that he is dead to them. Disowned he had to move out and my family is paying for my college and if my dad stops paying then ill just end up in the streets working at a McDonald's cashier register which there is nothing wrong with that i mean you gotta do what you gotta do in order to eat but— Josh breathe!" I stop and take a deep breathe. He hugs me and rubs the top of my head.</p><p>"We don't have to tell them if you don't want to. I can just come as a friend I wouldnt want you to go through what Isaac went through" I smile and hug him.</p><p>"Its Izak." </p><p>"Whatever." I giggle at his response.</p><p>I hear a loud tapping sound which made me jump and pull away. We turn to the window and see Micheal standing there waving like a mad man.</p><p>"Mikey what are you doing?"</p><p>"Well I'm bored so i came over Felix and the others are at the door because they are boring and wanted to use the door so can you hurry up and let me in. I want to show them i got here first!" I laugh as i opened the window for him. And he hugged me.</p><p>"Thank you Joshie." With that he got up and went to the living room opening the door for the others who had just begun to knock. </p><p>"Ha! Who got here first i got here first." He did a little victory dance as the other walked around ignoring him. </p><p>"We were thinking of doing another sleepover so is it good with you if we have it here?" Tyrone asked already putting down his bags. </p><p>"Yeah its fine by me." </p><p>"Yay! Joshie this one is gonna be so much more fun lets play dress up right now! You too Felix!" He grabbed a bag and dragged me and Felix by the arm into my room. I look behind me to see Jayden waving at me as Mikey shuts my door.</p><p>"Alright time to see what I'm working with." He heads towards my closet and starts looking through things. He mumbles a little bit every time he throws some clothes onto my bed.</p><p>"You actually have a nice wardrobe Joshie way easier to do things than with Felix's."</p><p>"My wardrobe is just fine its you who insists on looking like all the colors of the fucking rainbow." He says crossing his arms. </p><p>"Theres nothing wrong with wanting to be bootiful with color but you wear all black."</p><p>"Alright you two get dressed into this." He hands us a bundle of clothing and I just stand there looking at it.</p><p>"Wait this isn't mine." I pick up a pastel blue skirt that he had handed me. I definitely wouldnt have bought this. </p><p>"I know that's because its mine dont worry about the diaper showing we don't care." My face goes red as I just realized that I'm still in a diaper. </p><p>"You better not have given me anything weird" Felix says as he looks through he clothes that Mikey gave him. </p><p>"Dont worry nothing in there that you wouldnt be comfortable wearing." </p><p>We all get dressed. I made sure to change as quickly as possible so they wouldnt see the scars and I didn't like being naked even when there was no one in the room. I got into the pastel blue skirt and one of my white oversized sweaters that had a little sun on the corner with white and blue knee high socks as i looked at myself in the mirror I couldnt deny it i loved the outfit but the diaper was very noticeable you could even see it peeking out at the bottom. Felix was wearing an oversized black shirt with a kitty on it and some black shorts. He looked good and Mikey wore a bright pink  purple and blue skirt with a rainbow striped sweater he also had some sparkly clear socks. The different array of colors looked fun and lively. </p><p>"Oh Joshie you look so cute. You too Felix now come on time to do your make up." He then opened the bag he brought with him and i saw so many different colors and pencils. Many different foundations and color pallets. </p><p>"You better not trick me like you did last time." Felix said glaring pointing a finger at him and glaring. </p><p>"I promise ill do it the way you want i wont add any other colors." He said putting his hands up. </p><p>"You better because if i look and see the rainbow on my face again you're getting it." I giggle a little and look through all the makeup supplies that he had.</p><p>"What about you josh how do you want your Make up?" I thought for a second and just shrug. I dont know anything about make up I've never worn it before.</p><p>"Um you can do whatever you want."</p><p>He let out a huge gasp and his eyes widened and sparkled. "Really!!" I nod and he squeals. "Alright alright alright come on sit down this will take awhile." He gave me a huge smile and Felix just shook his head and sat down. I'm a little scared.</p><p>————————————————————————————————————————————————</p><p>He wasn't kidding it really did take a long time. My face felt a little heavy and i was kind of getting tired at staring at Mikeys face for what seemed to be an hour. </p><p>"Alright I'm done go take a look tell me what you think." I get up and head to the mirror. I looked different. The eyeliner made my blue eyes stand out and the mascara made my eyelashes look longer. The foundation he put made my freckles disappear. He had put some bright pink lipstick on me and some sparkly rainbow eyeshadow. I loved it. </p><p>"I...wow...you did such a good job" i turn and see that he had already started on Felix's makeup.</p><p>"Thank you I think you are one of my best works." I smile i wanted to show Jayden right away but i decided to wait for them. </p><p>Mikey took less time doing Felix's than he did mine. He put some eyeliner on him and some purple eyeshadow. He didn't put any lipstick instead he just put on some shiny lip gloss and slight blush. </p><p>"Yay you guys look fabulous." We heard a knock and Mikey answered.</p><p>"Are you guys alright?" Tyrone was standing at the door trying to get in.</p><p>"Nooo dont come in yet I'm not done with them." He pushes against the door to keep him out.</p><p>"Alright hurry up though we wanna do at least some activities with you guys before it gets dark." We all giggle as Mikey tries to hurry with his make up. He ended up like me with rainbow eyeshadow but with a more red lipstick. It shocked me how much color he can have and manage to not look like a clown. </p><p>When he was done we all went out. I was kind of embarrassed about the diaper showing but like he said nobody seemed to care about it. I watched as Jaydens jaw dropped he didn't seem to say anything and i got worried that he might not have liked it. </p><p>"Wow you look amazing."</p><p>"Yeah Mikey is so good with makeup its so cool." </p><p>"Well its because of your amazing bone structure I can literally do anything and your amazing skin complexion unlike someone here." Felix stuck his tongue out at him and turns to Ty. </p><p>"I love your outfit it looks so good on you." He puts his arms around me only to pick me up and pull me close to him.</p><p>"Thank you." I put my head in the crook of his neck. </p><p>We had made another fort exactly like the last one we ordered some Chinese food and had a pillow fight. </p><p>"Alright what movie do you guys want to watch?" Daddy asks.</p><p>"Frozen!" I yell. "Oop i mean frozen." I lower my voice because daddy said no screaming.</p><p>"Again? This will be like the 50th time this week."</p><p>"50th?"</p><p>"Yes Ty and i am not proud to say that i know every and i mean every single line in the movie."</p><p>"I wanna watch Frozen 2" Felix said.</p><p>"But you cant watch Frozen 2 until you watch the first one that's like the law." Felix frowns and just stays like that for a while before he lets out a sigh.</p><p>"Fiiine but after we watch Frozen 2" </p><p>"Yay" i bounce over to the fort and sit down making sure to make a spot for daddy right next to me. He sits down right next to me and gives me my paci. I suck on it and we all peacefully watch the movie singing along.</p><p>"Summer is a good time to stay in and cuddle but put me in summer and ill be a - PUDDLE!" Felix interrupted loudly. Everyone laughed but me and Mikey. </p><p>"No Elix see the song goes happy snowman no puddle."</p><p>"No puddle. Daddy stop laughing." I cover his mouth in order to stop his laughing but he keeps going.</p><p>"Stoop." He slowly stops and hugs me.</p><p>"I'm sorry cariño i dont know what came over me." </p><p>I smile and forgive him. "It otay." I sit back down on his lap and watch the movie.</p><p>After the movie we watched Frozen 2 and it was so sad Olaf and Elsa died but then they came back to life and Elsa find out she is a spirit of the enchanted forest. </p><p>Daddy then got up and carried me with him. I whined I didn't want to go i want to continue watching the movie.</p><p>"Where are you guys going?"</p><p>"Joshie needs a change we'll be quick." As he walked i felt that he was right but I didn't even remember wetting. </p><p>He laid me down on his bed and quickly changed me. I tried getting away but he held me and made sure I wouldn't get away. </p><p>"Stay still baby boy I'm trying to make this as quick as possible." I sigh and stay he finished quickly and carries me back. </p><p>I hide my face in his chest as we sit back down. If i was big I'd be way more embarrassed. The movie soon ended and it was the best </p><p>"Can i pay wif Joshie peease." Daddy nods and takes me off his lap. </p><p>"Come on Joshie what you wanna play?" I shrug. </p><p>"Lets play with legos." He grabs some blocks and he starts placing them on top of the other building something. "Noo Joshie you cant eat them spit out." He puts his hand in front of my mouth and i spit out the lego that i had in my mouth.</p><p>"Yuckie." He wipes his hand on his skirt and i giggle. </p><p>"Mommy he's eating the toys."</p><p>"Hes younger than you habibi these toys are too big for him. Here let him play with this." She handed him some bright color keys. He gave them to me and I play with them. The noise it made was fun. Shaking it made a sound and putting them in my mouth was fun too.</p><p>"No putting it in your mouth." He takes it out and i pout.</p><p>"No dont cry here we can play wif blocks." He brings over some blocks and starts putting them on top of each other. I smile and grab some doing the same thing. I knock it over giggling at the sound it made. </p><p>"Daddy it fall down." I look to daddy and he was sitting on the couch which was so far away. </p><p>"I see can you do it again?" I nod and build the small tower again and knock it down.</p><p>"That's so cool baby." I crawl over to him and make grabby hands. He picks me up and sits me on his lap. </p><p>"Aww but Joshie we were playing." I rub my eyes and bury into daddy's chest ignoring Mikey.</p><p>"Sorry bud i dont think he wants to play right now." Mikey huffs and turn to Felix. "Elix play wif me?" he smiles and nods. "Otay" i notice that Felix is nicer when he is little. </p><p>"You want you bottle baby?" I shake my head i grab my paci that was next to him and suck on it while leaning against him. Everything was good i just want to stay here forever and ever. </p><p>"Mikey put that down!" And then a crying followed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. 34</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Mikey put that down!" I then heard crying. Daddy got up and placing me on the sofa hurrying to him. I sat up and saw Mikey standing over a lot of glass his hand was bleeding and so were the bottom of his feet. Arya picked him up quickly and started rocking him.</p><p>"There there you're okay Mikey. We just have to fix you all up." He was sobbing and buried his face into her neck. Felix was standing close and watching everything while Ty was holding him. I try getting down so that i can help Mikey but daddy stops me before I can.</p><p>"Stay there baby i dont want you stepping on glass."</p><p>"Bu..Mikey." I looked over to him to see that he was still crying and seeing him cry was so sad because he is normally so very happy.</p><p>"I know baby just let me clean up the glass and ill let you go to him." I nod and stay on the sofa and watch as Jayden cleaned up the glass. After he finished sweeping he walked around a bit trying to make sure he got it all. "Alright its all good." I hurriedly climb down the sofa and walk to Mikey. </p><p>"Chu otay?" He sniffled and nodded. Daddy came out of the bathroom holding a first aid kit and gave it to Arya. </p><p>"Mommy no alcohol!" He screamed as he held on tightly to his hand. </p><p>"Habibi i need to be able to clean it so it doesn't get infected."</p><p>"But it gonna huwt." He started crying again and give him the biggest hug ever so he can feel better.</p><p>"I know but it will only sting for a little bit can you be a big boy for mommy and let me clean it up?" Mikey stood quiet for a really long time before nodding and letting Arya clean the cut. I run to Daddy because everything was scary. The blood, the glass, and when Mikey screamed i flinched and hid my face into Daddy's chest. He rubbed my back and continued watching Arya clean up his cuts. He is so brave. </p><p>When the crying had died down I turned my head a little bit to see if she was all done. Arya placed a sponge bob band aid on Mikeys hand and he had some hello kitty ones on his toes. she kissed every single boo boo and then kissed him. "All better?" She asked him and he nodded sniffling a little. She grabbed a wipe and cleaned his face. </p><p>"See baby boy Mikey's all better." I slowly get out of Daddy's arms and grab a small Spider-Man toy that I had. I walked over to him and handed it to him. </p><p>"Tank you." He says hugging the toy before pulling me into a tight hug. "You'we wecome." I say and hug him back. When he let me go i go to daddy who was sitting on the sofa. He picks me up and place me on his lap. </p><p>"That was such a nice thing that you did for him I'm very proud of you baby." I smile as he placed a kiss on my cheek. </p><p>The sleepover continued on after that small incident.</p><p>————————————————————————————————-——————————————</p><p> </p><p> I woke up my face in Jayden's chest his hand we holding onto my head and his leg was wrapped over mine. His arms caged me in and I love it. I bury deeper into his hold and trying to go back to sleep. From the small movement I felt him begin to stir so I quickly shut my eyes and pretend I'm sleeping. I hear him yawn and he stretched a bit but then he stood still for a little while until i felt him hold me tighter and kiss the top of my head. I smiled and couldnt help myself to not hug back. </p><p>"Good morning baby." He lets me go and i stretch a bit my bones popping a bit.</p><p>"Morning"  i say and plant a peck onto his lips. I realized that we weren't in his bed but actually in the fort that was now ruined. The top part was caving in and the blankets were all thrown all over the place. I'm glad that it didn't collapse when we were in our sleep or else all of us would have died. And I'd much rather die in a different outfit then this one. </p><p>"Finally! You guys were asleep like forever Arya wouldnt let me wake you guys up." </p><p>"Mikey shut the fuck up!" Felix whined throwing a pillow at him and cuddling back into Ty's chest who was fully awake. </p><p>"Felix wakey wakey eggs and bakey time to get up." Mikey sang getting close to him. Felix only grunted and shoved him away. Ty laughed and just held onto Felix tighter. </p><p>"Let him sleep Mikey. Hes had a rough night." Mikey only nodded and bounded towards me and Jay. </p><p>"Come on Joshie i want to get you dressed Arya said we are going out today and i want to experiment some more." He grabbed my arm and tugged but I stayed put. </p><p>"Josshie come on we got to hurry before its time to go." I look to Jay and he just nods and motions me to go. I get up and he drags me to my room. </p><p>"Ill let you get changed ill be waiting outside just let me know when you're done." I nod and as soon as he shuts the door I take off the wet diaper throwing it in the trash cleaning myself up and putting on a regular pair of underwear under the skirt. </p><p>"Come in." I said letting him now that i had finished. He came in pretty quickly and got to work right away. </p><p>"Honestly i know I've already said this before but your wardrobe is so easy to work with i was getting tired trying to do something with Felix's boring black clothes. You have color and they are all so cute." He pulled out multiple pieces of clothing. "Alright the big question do you want to continue wearing the skirt yes or no?"</p><p>"No." I answered, I dont mind wearing it when I'm little and at home but in public and big no thank you. </p><p>"Alright then -he gasped- Ive never seen you wear this... I can do so much with this. Do you mind wearing it?" He asks holding up a pair of white overalls. "Almost all of your clothes are blue though, is that your favorite color?" I nodded but realized his back was turned to me so I spoke "yes"  and sit down on the bed looking through all the clothes he took out. "Oooh okay i really like this." He says holding up a light pink sweater that had strawberries on the sleeves. </p><p>"Okay now between this and the blue one...no doubt blue is definitely your color but i feel Ike we should mix it up no?" I shrug and just let him make all the decisions. "Alright pink one it is along with these overalls. Jayden is gonna die when he sees you." </p><p>"Where are we going?" I ask.</p><p>"Ohh we are gonna go pumpkin pinking i mean pink.. pick..ughhhhh pi-ck-ing pumpkin picking. And then after we are gonna go to the park and play and then come back here and make pumpkin pie." I nod that sounds like fun I've never been pumpkin picking. </p><p>"Alright I'm gonna give you some of my socks for you to wear... and you can wear your converse. I nod and go into the corner and start getting dressed. He handed me some frilly white socks and my black converse. As I put on the outfit the snaps on the overalls were a little hard to snap into place but with a little bit of Mikeys help I was able to put it on. </p><p>"Now for your hair."</p><p>"My hair?" </p><p>"Yeah it needs to be brushed, i mean you totally pull the bed head look but no offense it looks like you've never brushed you hair in your life. So where's your brush?" </p><p>"I dont have one."</p><p>"What! Oh god so you actually dont brush your hair?! Never mind you can use mine." He pulled out a hairbrush from his bag and started brushing. And the moment he did i remember why I stopped brushing it.</p><p>"Ow." I wince as he tugged a bit at my hair.</p><p>"Sorry but its knotted." He tugged again harder.</p><p>"Owww!"</p><p>"Sorry! But that's what happens when you dont brush it!" After a lot more complaining and tugging he finally finished. I looked at myself in the mirror and i looked exactly the same!</p><p>"I look the same."</p><p>"Yeah but now your hair is a little more calm and not looking like a rats nest. </p><p>"Its curly it always looks like a rats nest."</p><p>"Tut tut tut no arguing now lets do your makeup." I sigh and sit down letting him do his magic. After a while he finally finished. I went to the mirror and just like I suspected I loved it. My freckles were still visible but it didn't look like i had so much. My lips were like yesterday bubblegum pink and he did well i dont know what its called the eyeliner thing I think its called wings or something anyways he fixed up my eyebrows and added a little blush to my cheeks no eyeshadow this time though. </p><p>"Its wow you are really great at makeup." </p><p>"I know and i have Arya to thank for the lessons. Her and YouTube." I head out to where Jayden was making waffles. </p><p>"Jayjay look at my beautiful creation." He turned and looked and his eyes went wide</p><p>"You look even cuter than yesterday." I didn't even need the added blush because my face was a glowing red.</p><p>"I know right I think I've outdone myself again. Josh can you be my roommate?" I chuckle at his request.</p><p>"No josh is staying here with me." He gives me a kiss on my cheek before focusing on the waffles.</p><p>"Ugh but my roommate is some homophobic jerk." </p><p>"I thought you stayed with Arya?" I said.</p><p>"Yeah i do but my actual roommate is some guy that went on a whole homophobic rant so I just crash at Arya's but her roommate doesn't like it that much." I nod that sounds terrible. </p><p>"Well screw him, now eat so that we can leave soon" Jay handed both me and Mikey a plate I sat down on the sofa while Mikey sat on the floor. He drowned his waffles with syrup and began eating happily. </p><p>"Want me to feed you?" Jayden asked sitting down beside me. I shake my head.</p><p>"No thank you I can do it." I say refusing his sweet offer. I began to eat my waffles I didn't like them with syrup they taste better without.</p><p>After everyone had finished eating we all head to the parking lot. The cool fall air felt nice it still felt like summer but now with a cool breeze. </p><p>"We are taking my car." Ty claimed.</p><p>"How come? We always take mine."</p><p>"Because I wanna feel safe that piece of junk could fall apart at any minute."</p><p>"Excuse you but Maria Theresa Rosa Hernandez Sanchez works beautifully." I giggle at his thick Spanish accent and he ruffled my hair.</p><p>"Dont do that Jay do you have any idea how long it took to brush his hair!"</p><p>"We are going in my car it's final!" Ty screeches and we head to his car.</p><p>His car was nice it wasn't rusty like Jay's and it had more than enough room Having three sections rather than two.</p><p>"Shotgun!" Mikey yelled running to the front seat</p><p>"Oh hell no! I'm sitting shotgun!" Felix yells chasing after him.</p><p>After a long argument Ty said that Felix is sitting shotgun and that was final. As we all got in I sat in the back with Jay while Micheal and Arya sat in the middle section. Felix had turned around and stuck his tongue out at Micheal and he did the same thing back. </p><p>The whole car ride was us singing to songs some were normal some nursery rhymes and when Jayden offered to pick one everyone disagreed.</p><p>"Oh come on, Joshie likes my music, don't you babe?" </p><p>"Mhm."</p><p>"That's because it's impossible for him to say no." Felix says putting on some pop music.</p><p>We soon arrived at the pumpkin patch. Everywhere you looked there were pumpkins. </p><p>"Let's get the biggest pumpkin they have!" Mikey says running around hopping over the pumpkins. </p><p>I follow him and we start searching for a perfect pumpkin. </p><p>"Ty look at this one it's so weird looking." Felix says he brings over a pumpkin that was skinny at the the bottom and fat at the top with some bumps. It Was also a mix of green and orange. </p><p>"Do you think we should get it?" Felix nods frantically and hands the pumpkin to Tyrone and heads off. </p><p>"Jay look at this one it's so small." I pick up the tiniest pumpkin I've ever seen in my life.</p><p>"Aww it's so cute." He says looking at it. He was carrying a regular sized pumpkin.</p><p>"Arya help please!" I look to my right and see Mikey carrying a huge pumpkin. It was bigger than half of his body. </p><p>"Mikey how do you expect us to get this in the car?" Arya said helping him carry the pumpkin. </p><p>"Well we can just leave Felix and take the pumpkin with us." Felix than smacks his head almost making him drop the pumpkin.</p><p>"You guys aren't leaving me for some dumb pumpkin jackass!"</p><p>"Owww so mean!" He sets the pumpkin down on the ground and sits on it. </p><p>"I can use it as a temporary bean bag chair. And I can have it in my dorm to annoy the shit out of Vincent!"</p><p>"Fine but the pumpkin is sitting in your lap." Arya says and we all go to pay for our pumpkins and head back to the car.</p><p>"Next stop the park!"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. 35</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Look Turkeys!" Micheal pointed running towards them. </p><p>"Mikey leave them alone! Poor things will already be dead by next week!" Felix screams chasing after him. I laugh watching the turkeys run from Mikey who was running from Felix. After a very uncomfortable car ride to the park thanks to Micheal and his need to have the biggest pumpkin in the whole world I was glad to be able to stretch. The park was pretty empty not much though. I could feel the stares from the adults. I don't know if its because of our outfits which were a little childish or if it was because two grown men were chasing after Turkeys. </p><p>"Come here gobble gobble i just want to pet you!" I decide to join the chase and not pay attention to the stares that we were getting, running as fast as i could. Which wasn't much i could barely keep up with Felix. The turkeys were running frantically and in zig zags. Some even flew a tiny bit in the air but came crashing down. I was chasing after this one turkey that was slower than the rest but still pretty fast. </p><p>I run as fast as I can but then the turkey started to flap its wing and shoot into the sky. It went so high but not very far. It gracefully came back down however I hadn't stopped running and it landed right in front of me.</p><p>"Ahhh!-gobgogoebgogdogeo" I tumble down over the turkey and landed on my butt. </p><p>"Joshie you okay?" Micheal and Felix come running over and they help me up. </p><p>"Yes thank you." We turn and see the flock of turkeys standing right there and I don't know if its possible for them to make face expressions but they look pissed. </p><p>"Guys i dont think they are happy." Micheal says and in that moment the turkey that i was chasing lets out a gobble? A honk? A squeak? Some type of weird noise and they all started chasing after us.</p><p>"Ahhhhhhh!" We run and Mikey grabs my arm dragging me behind him.</p><p>"Jay! -Ty! -Arya! Help us!!" We all say in unison running towards them while they laughed.</p><p>"Dont bring them over here doofuses! They'll chase us too!" Ty says and runs away from us. The others followed behind him leaving us to chase him with Turkeys chasing us. </p><p>"Ow god fucking damn it one of them bit me in the fucking ass!" Felix yelps and we all head to the playground hoping to lose them. There weren't many kids in the playground and when they saw us running with a stampede of turkeys on our trail they ran to their mothers. We hoped over the fence and by we I mean them. I just curled into a ball next to the fence and watched as they jumped over and the turkeys followed. Every turkey went over the fence except for that evil small one. </p><p>"I'm sorry I chased you and then tripped over you please leave me alone!" I tried to reason with the beast but it wasn't having any of it. He flapped his wings and let out a screech. As if i had no control over my body i kicked the small devil and he screeched and ran off. </p><p>"What the hell do you guys think you are doing leading wild turkeys to a playground where there are children?! Someone could have been hurt you are so lucky I'm not calling the cops you should all be ashamed of yourselves!" I look through the bars of the fence to see a women holding her two crying children. Felix was just looking at her while Micheal had his head down. </p><p>"Sorry ma'am" Micheal apologized in a hushed voice.</p><p>"Apology accepted. Be careful and think next time." The lady was actually nice and I was shocked that she didn't tear them a new one. After soothing her kids she left. I awkwardly climb over the fence to get to them. Felix then burst into laughter.</p><p>"Felix its not funny." Micheal says shoving him.</p><p>"What do you mean that was fucking hilarious I thought she was gonna be pissed. I hope those turkeys get eaten next week." He gives the turkeys a quick glare as the head back to their previous location.</p><p>"Don't worry I'm sure they wont be here any longer." Ty says.</p><p>"Well since you guys basically scared off everyone in the park now we have it all to ourselves." Arya says looking around the now very empty playground. "What do you guys wanna do."</p><p>"Play tag!" Mikey exclaimed bouncing up and down.</p><p>"No swings!" Felix contradicted.</p><p>"Tag!"</p><p>"Slide!" They went at it for a while going back and forth on what they wanted to do.</p><p>"What do you wanna do little one?" Daddy asks bending over a little bit.</p><p>"I wanna pay on the swings." He nodded taking my hand and walking towards the swings while Mikey and Felix kept arguing. </p><p>"Want me to push you?" Is hake my head as i sat down on the swings.</p><p>"I can do it I'm big!" I say as i began to kick my legs making me swing higher.</p><p>"My what a big boy you are." Daddy says making me giggle he then starts swinging right next to me. I kick higher and follow the rule tuck legs in then out to go higher. I love the swings. They make me feel like I'm flying. And when i get super high sometimes my stomach drops and make me feel scared but excited at the same time. Its the best feeling in the whole wide world. Its like watching a scary movie but without the super duper scary monsters trying to kill you.</p><p>I'm swinging so high i can see Felix and Mikey playing hide and seek, I can also see the evil turkeys attacking some other guy. I bet if i swing higher I can see my school. </p><p>"Careful Josh I dont want you to fall." </p><p>"I wont!" I begin to swing higher and I can just make out the school. </p><p>"Come on Josh we have to go." Daddy says as he got of his swings.</p><p>"No! Wanna stay." His eyes widen a bit and and looks with a stern face.</p><p>"What did you say baby boy?" I whine as he uses a stern voice.</p><p>"Wanna swing more."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. 36</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Josh look at me" I still keep my head down ignoring him. I don't mean to do it on purpose i just don't want to see his face. </p><p>"Josh i need you to look at me." I hesitantly look at him his face was hard and his voice was stern. "What did you do today that was wrong?" I dont understand all i wanted was to play for five more minutes. </p><p>"Bu- No buts cariño you know what you did." I shift around trying to look around the room but daddy kept making me look at him.</p><p>"I...I said no to daddy..." He nodded "and... you did something else to baby."</p><p>"I..I thwew a tantum." He nodded and rubbed my arms a bit.</p><p>"That's right we had to leave and you threw a tantrum so thats why you are gonna sit in the naughty chair and write some lines." I whine why the naughty chair I hate the naughty chair. "i dont want to hear none of that take your punishment like a good boy okay."</p><p>"Otay" he then kissed me on my forehead and sat me in the red chair. He put on the timer and left the room. Sitting in the bright red chair was so boring. I look around my room and my eyes land on toothless. Making sure that daddy wasn't looking in i quickly get up and grab it and sit back down. </p><p>I rub my hands liking how soft it was. I hug it as much as i can and press it "Daddy loves you so much princess." Hearing daddy's voice made it easier to stay in the chair and reminded me that even though I did something bad daddy still loves me. I flap his wings a little bit but mainly just cuddle it. I nommed on one of his ears and pretended that I was eating him. It was fun and relaxing. Soon I heard the timer go off and daddy came in. </p><p>"Baby you aren't supposed to play with toys in time out." He says eyeing toothless.</p><p>"Sowwy... just toothess helped me in timeout." </p><p>"Ohh so he's a comfort item." </p><p>"Whaa?" I tilt my head and look at him.</p><p>"A comfort item, he makes you feel better and safe." Ohh i nod confirming, that is exactly what toothless does for me.</p><p>"Alright cariño it's time to do lines." He says grabbing some paper and a pencil. He writes the first sentence and hands me the pencil. "I want you to write this ten times. And once you are done you can play with your toys or watch some cartoons." i nod and look the first sentence that he wrote. I will not throw tantrums. I sigh as I pick up the pencil and start writing. My hand started hurting a little after the seventh line. Which was weird since I've written for longer times then this.</p><p>"Daddy can i stop pease my hand hurts." I say looking at him.</p><p>"You only need three more baby try to finish up." I nod sadly and finish up writing the three sentences. </p><p>"Look all done." I pick up the paper and show him. </p><p>"Good job! You did so good princess." I giggle and smile at the praise. Then there was a knocking on the door. "That's probably Mikey lets go see." He grabs my hand and we walk to the door. He opens it and there stands Brooke. The moment we see her Daddy slams the door. </p><p>"Jayden come on I just want to talk with Joshua!" She screams through the door. </p><p>"No you are not welcomed here goodbye." </p><p>"Jayden I've apologized i truly regret it and i just need to talk to Joshua about something its important." He sighs and paces for a while. </p><p>"Josh this is up to you do you want to talk to her? Or do you want me to tell her to leave because I will gladly do so." I wait a few seconds doing math problems in my head to age up. </p><p>"Let me just change and i want to talk to her she did apologize." Jay nods but he didn't seem to like my answer. I quickly rush to my room and get changed into my normal clothes. I hear him open the door and talk to Brooke but i couldn't quite make out but i quickly put away some of the things that would stand out or look weird. As i walk out i see Jay and Brooke standing on the couch. </p><p>"Hey Joshua um..did you hear they moved Mr.Richards pleaded innocent during his hearing?" I shake my head. I didn't hear this I've been trying my best to avoid hearing anything about him. </p><p>"Anyways his trail is in two weeks and i was wondering well are you gonna give your testimony?" I had no idea how to answer. It never crossed my mind that i would have to speak in front of a judge or speak at all. </p><p>"Um i didn't...I don't think...I...I dont know yet."</p><p>"Alright just let me know if you are because I might testify as well but just let me know um I'm gonna go now so bye."She gave a small wave before leaving and as soon as the door shut Jayden let out a sigh.</p><p>"I'm so glad it didn't take a bad turn." I nod agreeing. He pulls me across the sofa and cuddles me. "You don't have to talk you can just give your statement you dont have to see him again you know that right." I nod.</p><p>"I know. I love you" i say and look up at him. "I love you too baby." He gave me a quick peck on the lips. "I'm so lucky I haven't said it yet so thank you. Thank you so much for putting up with me and for caring even when I'm being a brat and dont deserve it."</p><p>"Josh why would you say such a thing?" He turns me so that my stomach is laying on his and he looks at me. "You deserve to be loved probably more than anyone. If anything i dont deserve you. And like I've said before i dont care if you misbehave it wont make me love you any less. And you dont have to thank me for loving you if anything i should thank you for coming into my life because ever since it has gotten so much better."</p><p>"Aww do you really mean that?" Instead of answering he kisses me. It felt just like our first with explosion and fireworks. </p><p>"Every word princess."</p>
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<a name="section0037"><h2>37. 37</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ive always liked the fall. Its just been one of my favorite things ever since I was little. Stepping on the crunchy leaves, the weather turning colder and the beautiful colors that would mix together to make it seem like an artist had came and perfected the world for only short time.  I was in fact born in fall and I'm glad. As Jayden drove with me in the passenger seat I lowered the window to take in the nice cool autumn breeze. </p><p>Imagine all the warmest things you can think of and the most wonderful smells and mix it together that is what this season is like for me. In literature Autumn symbolizes change. And the more i think about it I have changed I've changed so much these past two months and its hard to believe that not so long ago I was this lonely friendless virgin. Now look at me not only do I have one amazing boyfriend in the entire universe but I also have four amazing and loving friends even if Felix tried to bite me that one time I would much rather have this than going back to my old life. </p><p>Sometimes I think I'm a totally different person but then I have some things to remember that I haven't completely change. Like how my stomach churns every time i try to talk to someone and how I'm still embarrassed to ask Jayden for things. But thats not really a problem since he somehow knows what I want every time. I'm slightly convinced that he's psychic. </p><p>I'm still doing rather terribly in public speaking but passing thanks to Jaydens help. My mental health has improved drastically thanks to him too. Maybe god doesn't hate me as much as I thought he did. He mustn't considering the angel he sent me. I feel something brush against my hand and look to see Jaydens hand wrapping around mine. I smile and look at him. </p><p>"What are you thinking about princess?" </p><p>"You." I say looking into his mesmerizing dark brown eyes. I always thought brown was such a boring color but since I've met him its become my second favorite color. Blue obviously being the first.</p><p>"Ooh? What about me?" He says with a smirk on his face. I lean over and give him a deep kiss the type when we don't get any sleep and slowly pull away. </p><p>"Everything, keep your eyes on the road or we'll crash" I warn him as I look ahead trying not to see his reaction. </p><p>"I think I should add not teasing me as one of your rules baby boy." I giggle as I look out the window again but this time with Jays hand in mine. I watched as the trees passed by along with other cars. I see one car in particular drive past us and see as Mikey as Felix stick their tongues out giving us the finger as they past us. I giggle and Jayden just shakes his head at their weirdness. </p><p>We were all heading to Wisconsin. Jay told me how he's lived there almost his whole life which was fortunate since i lived in which was great since I lived in Illinois which was super close meaning we had enough time to go to my house after. </p><p>Speaking of which what would his family be like? Awesome of course i mean they raised such a sweet and caring son. What if they dont like me? What if they forbid me from seeing him because I'm such an awful person? Wait what if they forbid me because I'm a guy? What if they hate us because of that? Oh god what if I ruin the relationship between him and his family. </p><p>"Josh calm down my family will love you." He says rubbing his thumb over my hand.</p><p>"I said all that out loud?" He nodded. </p><p>"Geez I'm so sorry for rambling." He kisses my forehead. </p><p>"Dont be your ramblings are cute. My family will love you yeah they dont know I'm bi but my sister is also bi so we're good." I nod. It calmed me a little but the fear of them not likening me was still there. "Actually she's your age." </p><p>"Really?" </p><p>"Yup I can only imagine how she will react. I'm sure you're gonna like her." I nod and try to picture how his sisters would look like. Well obviously they're gonna look alike so maybe Jayden with really long hair or maybe they have short hair. Will they be just as tall or short I'm guessing tall. Oh he said he had a adoptive brother too i wonder how he will be? </p><p>"Just to warn you my family can be a bit loud even louder then Mikey. And Destiny might pester you with questions you don't have to answer them at all feel free to say no and my mom will be trying to fatten you up so be prepared to not being able to move for an hour." I watch as he spoke about his family. They sounded wonderful and he seemed like he truly loved them. </p><p>I'm quite worried on him meeting my family I still don't even know what to say to them. Like hey mom and dad remember my roommate I've invited him over. Obviously they're gonna question me. Not to mention my brother is gonna be home visiting this time. Calm down Joshua you will cross that bridge when it comes. </p><p>"They sound wonderful Jayden i cant wait to meet them." He gives me a smile. He lets go of my hand and starts trying to put on music. </p><p>"Oh nooo." I say shaking my head.</p><p>"Oh yes!" He turns it on and the whole car starts blasting with his terrible choice in music as he sings along at the top of his lungs. </p><p>"Ima Barbie girl in a Barbie world! Life in plastic its fantastic!" I love this wierdo. </p><p>————————————————————————</p><p>              Soon enough we pulled into a drive way. The house was a simple one story house with a few toys on the lawn. There were two other cars parked in the driveway and I watched as Tyrone parked his car on the street. This is so terrifying I never knew I would be looking for approval from someone else's parents this much. I don't want them to just like me I want them to love me. I didn't want to give them a single reason to resent me. I felt as a little kid trying to score all A's so there parents would be proud of them. </p><p>Jayden helped me out of my seat which had became one of my rules since I had opened the door once while he was still pulling into a parking spot. I was so sure he parked it. Mikey was quick to exit and run to the door repeatedly ringing the doorbell. The door opened and i saw a rather short lady in an apron she looked to be in her forties and she had a ladle in her hand. </p><p>"Maria!" Mikey screams hugging her. </p><p>"Micheal!" She says smiling hugging him back.</p><p>"College has been terrible! I missed you!" </p><p>"Bah you dont miss me you miss my food cabròn" She says shaking the ladle at him. </p><p>"Cant I miss both?" He says with a cheeky smile. She turns towards me and Jayden and her eyes lit up. </p><p>"Ay mi hijo I miss you so much! Have you been behaving? doing what your supposed to, you aren't drinking right?" </p><p>"If i say no would you believe me?" He said and she smack him on the head.</p><p>"Pendejo you know what drinking did to your abuelo." Even though she just smacked him it wasn't meant to be taken seriously it was obviously just them playing around.</p><p>"Mama its only a few beers here and there i never get fully drunk. Besides I'm a grown man now."</p><p>"Ay si y muy guapo." He just chuckles shaking his head and then she turns to me and seems confused.</p><p>"And who's this?" </p><p>"Mama this is Joshua my boyfriend." He hold my hand and i give a small awkward smile hoping she doesn't flip out or send me away because I dont have a car or anywhere to go for that matter.</p><p>"Que? And why didn't you tell me you had a boyfriend or that you were gay? This is great news come, come," I looked to Jay and all he did was give me a shrug as she ushered us into the house. Inside was nice and warm and smelled wonderful. It was like a mix of so many spices and food. There were a lot off people on the couch and little kids running around. </p><p>"Tio!" Two kids screamed in unison and ran to Jay jumping into his arms. One of them looked almost exactly like him just obviously way younger.</p><p>"Marco! Lily! You guys got so big." He put them down and they ran off to who knows where.</p><p>"Gabriella! You owe me fifty bucks!" Jays mother yells. A women who seemed to be in her thirties seemed upset. </p><p>"Jay! You couldn't have come out a year later" She grumbles as she pulled some money out of her purse and handed it to Ms. Hernandez. </p><p>"You guys knew?" </p><p>"Oh yeah please when you were younger you used to dress up in your mothers clothing if that's not a sure sign i dont know what is."  I stifle a laugh for some reason I just cant imagine a tiny Jayden running around the house in a dress. </p><p>"I said you'd tell us before you graduated and your tia said after. I knew you'd make me proud." She says and gives him a big kiss on the cheek. </p><p>"Felix!" A women screams as she entered the living room. </p><p>"Natalie!" Felix screams in a more mocking tone. The women or Natalie ran up to him and hugged him. They do a little handshake and she ruffled his hair. </p><p>"Hermano how are you? Who's this?" She asks looking at me. I give a small wave and she gives one back.</p><p>"Joshua this is my sister I've told you about, Natalie this is Joshua my boyfriend." Her face turned to shock and she smacked his arm.  </p><p>"Why didn't you tell me you liked guys! I'm hurt this is....wow I should've been the first to know, i told you first! Anyways nice to meet you Joshua as you know my name is Natalie and I only have one question, you like jazz?" </p><p>"Um....I guess?" Jayden laughs and so does Natalie.</p><p>"Oh my gosh you've done good Jayden. I like you Joshua you have my approval to date my brother." She then starts a conversation with Jayden. They dont look related at all. Natalie had a lighter skin tone and straight dirty blonde hair. She also had freckles like me. Where Jayden's eyes were a light brown hers were extremely dark that they almost seemed black. She was very pretty and very full of life. The only things that seemed to be similar between the two were their smile. </p><p>She stood out form the rest of her family actually. As i looked over the sea of people that managed to comfortably fit in the small living room my eyes land on this one elderly women. She was the only one who looked like Natalie. She had dirty blonde hair mixed with white and fair skin with a few spots along her hands. When she looked at me she had bright blue eyes. She gave me a smile and i returned it. She motioned me over so I walked over and sat down in the seat beside her. </p><p>"Tell me how old are you young man?" Her voice was soft but had a thick Spanish accent. </p><p>"I'm eighteen ma'am." </p><p>"how did you meet my bisnieto?" I had no idea what a biseto is but I'm assuming she's talking about Jayden </p><p>"Um well I met him at school..we...we are roommates" she nods and thinks for awhile.</p><p>"What do you plan um...como si dice? Future?" </p><p>"What do I have planned for my future um..." I honestly dont know what i want to do. Should i sell insurance like my father or go into marketing or something. I know Jayden wants to be a lawyer I have no doubt that he will be an outstanding one. I want to major in art but I know my father wont approve. "Umm.. Insurance like my father. Its a family business sort of thing."</p><p>"Ay mira a Jayden el tiene un novio rico." She says something in Spanish and everyone laughs. I can feel my checks turn pink. Why didn't I take Spanish in high school? Did she insult me? </p><p>"Dont worry Josh she's teasing me." Jay says sitting next to me with a glass in his hand. </p><p>"What did she say?" </p><p>"How im dating a rich man." That's a  common misconception that I'm quite used to. My parents are rich I'm not. At least not right now I only own like five thousand from my bar mitzvah. My parents were quick to make sure I saved every dime towards my future. </p><p>"Mama look what I found." Natalie comes into the living room holding a huge red book. </p><p>"Natalie no!" Jayden says in a stern voice but Natalie only gives him the finger. </p><p>"Natalie yes! This is payback." She hands the book to Ms. Hernandez and everyone gathers around. </p><p>"Aww i forgot about this. Joshua come you must see these." She pulls me close to her and the pages of the book are filled with pictures. </p><p>"Aww are these all Jayden?" I look through the photos. The first one was a ultrasound followed by a photo of Mrs. Hernandez in a hospital gown holding an infant. </p><p>"When he was born mi dios he was ugly. I felt so bad for him I wanted the doctors to put him back that he wasn't done forming." The room erupted with laughter including mine. "Hey he's my son I thought I have to love the poor thing. But thank god he turned out to be extremely handsome" She showed me a photo of him as a newborn and I couldn't help but agree with her. As a newly infant he had brown skin that seemed to almost have a red tint and a head that had extremely black hair. He actually had a lot of hair for an infant. As she kept flipping the pages his looks improved drastically. There was one photo where his mouth was covered with Oreos looking at the camera with a scared look on his face. </p><p>The rest of the day was spent telling stories. Ty, Mikey, Arya and Felix had to leave to their own families. I soon met every single member of Jayden's family. Destiny was almost a replica of Mikey and Jacqueline was very sweet. </p><p>"Josh ook this Mr. Cuddles!" Naeem who was Jayden's little brother climbed into my lap and handed me this teddy bear. </p><p>"Wow he's so cool and fluffy too. How old is Mr. Cuddles?" </p><p>"He fwee like me." Naeem cuddled into me hugging Mr.Cuddles. </p><p>"He must really like you." Jayden walked into the room and handed me a plate that was filled to the brim of rice, beans, and some other side dishes I probably couldn't pronounce if I tried. </p><p>"You think so?" I say taking a bite from my plate and its as if my taste buds had exploded with flavor. This really puts my mothers cooking to shame. </p><p>"Yeah he rarely ever lets anyone touch Mr.Cuddles. So do you like my family?"</p><p>"Yes I've never seen a family bigger than mine before. When's your dad coming I'd really like to meet him." I have met everyone possible except his father. At first i thought he was avoiding me or something but i had noticed that he just wasn't home at the time.</p><p>"Well never he's about eight years late." I have never felt like such an asshole before in my entire life. "You know its nothing really my family the guys always turn out to be real jerks. I hope i don't turn out like them. I love them but doesn't mean i want to end up like them. So if I'm ever acting like one feel free to slap me."</p><p>"I'm sorry for bringing it up." </p><p>"No its not...dont apologize you didn't know. He used to be around but then Natalie got sick and i mean really sick. Then the bills started piling in and with the new baby i guess he just couldn't take it. So one morning I got up and he just... he just wasn't there anymore." His voice had started shaking. It broke my hart seeing him like this. I put Naeem down onto the bed and pull Jay into a hug. I rubbed his back trying to copy the way he does it every time I end up crying over something. </p><p>He cries into my shoulder and I am not one for violence but i wanted to track the dick down and sick Felix on him. </p><p>"Sorry Im the one who's supposed to be the strong one." He tries to pull away but I tighten my grip around him.</p><p>"That's ridiculous everyone cries whoever says they dont is a liar. Besides its my job to comfort you too. Affection goes both ways." I run my fingers through his hair. It's a bit rough from the gel he puts in it but it was easy to run through. I look around the room. There were some posters up similar to the ones in his room. There were some lego figures next to some books on a shelf and next to his bed was a photo. It was a photo of him and his family. It was now that I just realized that even the person that seems to have it all put together and someone who seems like they have the perfect life still has problems they have to deal with on their own. </p><p>Jay had stopped crying after a minute and he told me stories about when he was young and the things his family did for fun. </p><p>"You know if we are really quiet they wont hear a thing." He whispers into my ear. I blush and hit him softly on his chest, but I hadn't dismissed the idea.</p>
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<a name="section0038"><h2>38. 38</h2></a>
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    <p>Jayden's POV </p><p>                   I woke up to the bright sun that streamed in through my bedroom window hitting my face. I look around remembering that I'm in my old room. I look down and see a naked Josh in my bed. The events of last night rush into my mind and give me a small smile. This small sometimes moody boy is all mine. He is absolutely stunning but when he's sleeping its a different story. His face was squished against my now numb arm and his mouth was slightly open with a long string of saliva connecting to a puddle of drool that trailed down my arm. It was disgusting but I found myself not really minding about it. His hair was stuck to his face due to the sweat from last night. I was so sure that he was gonna turn down my offer considering my sisters were in the room right next to us. But we didn't really need to worry since everyone in my family is a heavy sleeper. </p><p>Josh starts stirring and slowly opens his eyes. "Good morning baby" I say giving him a smile. He rubs his eyes and his mouth.</p><p>"Oh gosh I'm so sorry for drooling on you." His eyes were filled with their usual frantic emotion as he wiped the drool away. </p><p>"It's alright." I say and steal a quick kiss from him.</p><p>"Eww Jayden I haven't even brushed my teeth I have morning breath." He covers his mouth with his hand and gets out of bed the blanket falling off and exposing himself to the cold air. " Fuck i forgot I'm naked."</p><p>"What was that baby boy?" I saw the fear flash through his eyes and he turns to me apologizing.</p><p>"So sorry I forgot and it slipped didn't mean to say a no no word." I give him a pat on his head and rub his back.</p><p>"Its okay baby just don't say it again and keep your voice down we dont want the others waking up." He nods and quickly gets up. He put on some jeans and his normal converse before brushing his hair with the brush Mikey gave him and made him swear to use it. </p><p>"Would it be alright if I borrowed your sweater? It smells like you." He says all nervous and cute.</p><p>"Of course baby you can borrow them anytime you dont need to ask." He smiles and puts one of my hoodies on. They were to big for him and made him look smaller than he already was and it was adorable.</p><p>"Aren't you gonna get dressed?" He asks me and I shake my head.</p><p>"I'm admiring the view." I say watching his cheeks turn red, he grabs my book bag and throws at me.</p><p>"What has gotten into you? You're normally not this cheesy. Hurry up and get dressed I don't want someone walking in and getting the wrong idea." </p><p>"But it'll be the right idea since—shhh!" I laugh as he throws a shirt at me before grabbing his toothbrush and leaving the room. </p><p>I quickly get dressed in a t-shirt and some jeans putting on some sneakers and throwing a plaid shirt over. I fix my hair and by the time I'm done Josh comes back from the bathroom. I go to kiss him but he blocks me.</p><p>"Brush your teeth" </p><p>"What but I want a kiss from my baby now?" I give him my best pout but he doesn't even give in.</p><p>"Then brush your teeth" I stick my tongue out at him and head to the bathroom. He's been hanging out with Felix to much. </p><p>I was in the middle of brushing my teeth when my Destiny barged in. "Morning" i greet her and she turns to me with a frown and points a finger at me.</p><p>"You and Natalie leave for two months while I stay home with Mama and the kids and when you two finally come back you decide to repay me taking your role as the oldest by fucking your boyfriend. Some people like sleeping you know? And you two are into some weird kinky shit. Oh also I'm sneaking out tonight so you better cover for me." She whisper yelled at me grabs her toothbrush and leaves the bathroom leaving me speechless. </p><p>I completely forgot she's a light sleeper and has ears that are like bats. Oh well. I finish up brushing my teeth and see all my siblings in the living room awake and all the adults asleep as usual.</p><p>"Jaylen! Jaylen! Guess what!" Naeem pesters jumping up and down at my feet. He usually has no problem pronouncing his D's but for some reason that little nickname appeared. I lift him up into my arms. </p><p>"What buddy?" </p><p>"Nanny is making pancakes! Wif chocolate chips!" </p><p>"Naeem it's Natalie not Nanny I'm not getting paid to watch over you, I wish I did though I need the extra money." I walk into the kitchen to see her with a spatula in hand hovering over the stove and Josh on the counter trying to get the chocolate chips. I quickly set Naeem down and get behind Josh putting my hands on his waist.</p><p>"Careful or you'll fall." I warn him, he looks down at me with a smile and then just jumps with no warning into my arms.</p><p>"Thanks for catching me." He gives me a peck on the cheek and hops off handing the chocolate chips to Nat.</p><p>"So what are you guys gonna do today?" Natalie asks flipping over one of the pancakes. </p><p>"I don't know actually?" I answered in a tone that made it seem like a question.I look over to Josh who just gives me a shrug. </p><p>"Well if you guys aren't gonna do anything that means you can come with me to the stores." </p><p>"And why can't you go by yourself?" I grab a handful of the chocolate chips stuffing them into my mouth. </p><p>"Because mama won't let me go anywhere by myself I'm shocked she let me live in the college dorms. And because I need someone talk to reach the top shelves considering last year everything in my reach will probably be gone." She hands a chocolate chip pancake to Josh who sets it down at the table in front of Naeem who insisted he feed him.</p><p>"Josh you wanna go shopping?" I'm not going unless Josh wants to I can't leave him alone with my family ive already made that mistake once. </p><p>"Uhhh yeah I don't mind going shopping." He replies and continues feeding Naeem who was playing with the syrup covered pancakes. I wonder if we will have kids? Where the fuck did that come from? Slow down Jay it's only been two months. </p><p>"Great and after I was thinking about playing some outdoor paintball what do you say?" She hands me two plates of pancakes so I take my seat besides Josh and start cutting up his pancakes. </p><p>"Sounds fun... hold up you better not shoot me in the back of the head like you did last time. It took hours to get the paint out of my hair." I stated sternly looking at her. She put her hands up and agreed returning to the pan. </p><p>I pick up some pancakes with the fork and bring it up to Josh's mouth but he takes the fork away from me and feeds himself. </p><p>"Not in front of your family." He whispers quickly finishing up feeding Naeem before eating his own pancakes. </p><p> Soon enough everyone started waking up and joining us at the table. After we finished eating I head to my room Josh following right behind me.  </p><p>I put on my sweater and helped Josh into his. </p><p>"So what's paint-balling?" He asked while I was tying his shoes. </p><p> </p><p>"Well we are given these guns that are filled with little paint pellet kind of things that you shoot at people and you can either have teams or it can be until one person is left standing  kind of thing." </p><p>"Sounds fun" He says kicking his feet.</p><p>"It is I can't wait to take you."  I keep his feet still as I finish tying his shoes. "We better get going before my mom stops us." </p><p> </p><p>The trip to the stores was a boring one. I never really liked going shopping before and not much has changed. Nat dragged me throughout the entire town looking for clothing and items. As she predicted most of the items at the bottom shelves were gone. So being the nice brother that I was let her struggle a bit before being forced to help her by Josh. </p><p>"Oh my god Jay we have to go to Bic's" She squeals grabbing my hand. I quickly grab Josh's so he doesn't get lost among the huge crowd. The stores, mall, and streets were filled with people Josh didn't do well in crowds and he was starting to pick at my sweater and curl his fingers together. </p><p>"You okay?" I ask him and he just nods. I put my arms around him as we walk to the store Nat was dragging us to. </p><p>The moment we walked through the doors Josh's anxiety seemed to drastically decrease. His eyes lit up and I looked at the store. It was just like Micheals but way more art supplies crafts. </p><p>"Look Jay these are fricking half off do you know how expensive these things are?" Nat says holding up a pack of markers.</p><p>"Why can't you just but the cheap Crayola markers?" She rolled her eyes and ignored my comment rushing through the aisles. Josh was right behind her and they began to talk artsy. I just stood there watching them talk and grab random things.</p><p>Josh bounds towards me holding some pencils.  "Look at these pencils they are perfect for shading." </p><p>"You gonna get them?" He nods enthusiastically as he runs off to pick some more supplies. </p><p>Soon after about two hours we finished with the shopping and went to pick up Ty, Felix, Mikey and Arya. I also had to drive back and pick up Destiny since Natalie said she wanted to play teams and we didn't have enough people for it to be fair. </p><p>When we arrived at the outdoor paintball place they gave us some protective gear and the guns and told us to let loose. </p><p>"Alright to make this interesting the ones who are in a relationship you guys won't be on the same team as your boyfriend or girlfriend." Destiny says referring to Arya "The last team standing wins!" With that being said we split up into our own groups us being the red group and them being blue. </p><p>"Alright let's murder those little fuckers!" Ty screams at the top of his lungs. We heard a scream from the other side which was most likely Micheal and we split up. </p><p>I check my left, right, behind, and even on top which was Natalie's favorite place to climb and attack. I make a right and see Felix with his back turned. I give a smile and take aim firing multiple times. </p><p>"You fucking asshole! It hasn't even been a full fucking minute you fucking cunt ass motherfucker." I burst out laughing from Felix's rant </p><p>"Dude its just a game." He growls and tries to shoot at me but i dodge it. He walks away grumbling as he sat out with Ty and Destiny. My team must really suck. </p><p>I walk for awhile being careful at each turn trying to search for Natalie or Micheal. </p><p>"Die you bitch!" I scream and duck for cover. "Oh brother" She says in a sing song voice. I should have known better she always goes to the extreme with this. "Come out come out wherever you are." If i stay she will definitely find me. I make sure she's at a good distance before I make a run for it. I run as if my life depended on it because with her chasing me it does. </p><p>"Hey." I scream and aim to the person who just spoke but stopped when I saw Josh. </p><p>"Oh Josh you scared me." I lower the gun and let out a sigh.</p><p>"Shhh follow me." He whispers placing a finger on his lips as he brought me to the far corner of the obstacle course. </p><p>"What are you doing?" He cuts me off by kissing me. It was rough and I kissed back with even more force. </p><p>"You look so hot holding a gun." He says breathily whispering into my ears.</p><p>"Oh yeah?" I place my hands on his hips pulling hem towards mine.</p><p>"Yeah." He smiles softly giving me a peck.</p><p>"We really shouldn't be doing this here." I say but he just shushes me and gives me another kiss. </p><p>I heard the sound of the gun going off and felt one of the pellets hit me in the stomach. It caught me so off guard I didn't say anything. Only a gasped let out as I slowly pulled away from Josh. He was holding a small pistol that was aimed at my stomach. I look down my shirt now covered in blue paint and as I looked back up there he was with a smirk on his face.</p><p>"How dare you use your body that's cheating!" I yell and he laughs.</p><p>"It's not cheating what did you think was gonna happen. We are on opposite teams." </p><p>"I thought you just loved me enough not to shoot me." </p><p>"Babe! Of course I love you it's just a game." He continued laughing and I took my chance and shot him. "What! No that's not fair it doesn't count right?! I shot you already!"  I double over laughing.</p><p>"Babe! It's just a game." I say copying him. He gave me a look and proceeds to shoot me multiple times. So I run with him still shooting me from behind. "Stop it's over you won!" </p><p>"No! Get back here!" He screams. He jumps on top of me from behind making both of us fall. "Now I win" he says in a fit of giggles.</p><p>"You do know that's not how you play?"</p><p>"Yes" he says plainly before getting up and brushing the dirt off his pants. I get up to and we walk to where the others were.</p><p>"Dude we saw everything you fell for the easiest trick in the book." Ty says helping Felix out of the gear </p><p>"You are not one to talk I saw you sitting out after only a few seconds." I fiddled around with my gear before managing to take it off and helping Josh with his.</p><p>"That's because of your fucking crazy ass sister." Nat lets out a giggle at his remark.</p><p>"It's not my fault you guys suck it's more fun when you play seriously"</p><p>"It's a fucking game you're not supposed to play seriously." </p><p>"How did you even climb on top of the walls? You're so short!" Mikey says pointing at her.</p><p>"I climbed duh, being short means you have to climb onto surfaces so you get good at it. Alright next stop home I'm so exhausted." I nod me and Josh have to get up early to go to his place. We make our way into the parking lot.</p><p>"I can't believe you're leaving already you've only been back for two days." Destiny says climbing into the back seat.  </p><p>"Sorry but I want to meet Josh's family." </p><p>"Yeah whatever" It was a tight fit considering the car is only meant for four people. I was in the driver seat with Josh in the passenger seat. In the back everyone had someone on their lap. </p><p>"Destiny stop moving! Do you wanna sit on the floor of this car for the rest of the ride?"               "Well if you didn't have boney knees I wouldn't be moving so much my ass hurts." </p><p>"My knees are perfectly normal thank you you're the one with the flat ass I can feel your tail bone." I ignore them and focus on driving safely. They've been a each other's throats since birth. </p><p>———————————————————————————————————————-</p><p> </p><p>"Are you sure about meeting my family I don't know they will think it's weird that I'm bringing a friend to stay for two days and...oh my goodness they don't even know that you're coming!" Josh was starting to get nervous and when he does that he starts ranting.</p><p>"Hey I do want to meet them and it's fine that you didn't tell them we can surprise them. And if they're not cool with me staying I could always drive back her and pick you up to head back to school." He gives a nod and wasn't as tense anymore. </p><p>"Come it's time for bed we have a long day tomorrow." As he got into bed I tuck him in and curl up next to him. The bed was smaller then I remember it used to be but then again it wasn't meant to carry two grown men. </p><p>"Night" he said softly before shutting his eyes</p><p>I place a kiss at the top of his head "Night"</p>
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<a name="section0039"><h2>39. 39</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Josh's pov</p><p> </p><p>   We woke up early in the morning having to get ready to head to my place. As I packed millions of thoughts were going through my head. What if they don't like him? What if they get mad because I didn't say I was bring someone? Fuck Abram is gonna be there what is he gonna do? </p><p>"Calm down Josh everything will be fine" Jayden just finished loading the car and gets into the drivers seat. </p><p>"Jayden remember drive safe. And be polite tu queres ver como tu tienes lana con una familia rica." Maria stood by the driver window talking to Jayden </p><p>"Mama no todo las personas qui tienen dinero son asi" Jayden replied I really wish I took Spanish in high school maybe then I'd know some. </p><p>"I know baby just be careful and call me so I know Che la familia no son locas."</p><p>"Mama!" </p><p>"What?! Puede pasar. Just be careful okay bye." We said bye and Jayden drove off. That wasn't our first bye, I've never seen a family that says so many good byes we said goodbye in the living room, kitchen and some even followed us out the door to say goodbye. </p><p>"I'm sorry about them." Jayden apologizes even though he doesn't have to. </p><p>"No need I think it's nice that they say goodbye until we really have to go." </p><p>"Yeah until you are in a real hurry and have to say goodbye three times to twelve different people." I smile and look out the window getting comfortable for the long ride ahead. </p><p>——————————————————————— </p><p>Soon enough we pulled into the driveway. My brothers car already there right beside my fathers. </p><p>"Is it too late to turn back?" I ask turning to him. </p><p>"Sorry baby but I'm afraid so." I huff. "Dont be like that I'm sure it'll go perfectly fine don't worry" I nod slowly. Even though I don't believe it for a second something will go wrong surely. </p><p>Jayden gets out and I wait for him to help me out of my seat. </p><p>"Thank you" </p><p>"Your welcome" I take in a deep breathe and walk to the door and knock. </p><p>"Joshie come here!" I get yanked under my brothers armpit as he squeezes my head keeping it in place and rubbing my head with his knuckles. This is nothing new it's always been like this. </p><p>"Abram enough." I put my hands on his side and push him away. </p><p>"Alright, alright!" He says putting his hands up and he turns to Jayden. "Whos this?" </p><p>"Hi Jayden nice to meet you" he sticks out his hand which Abram shakes. </p><p>"He's gonna be staying for the weekend." </p><p>"Does mom and dad know? They didn't say a word to me" </p><p>"No they don't and let me tell them before you blab off to them." I know my tone was rude but if anyone had him for a brother they would understand. </p><p>"Geez cool it you haven't been here for a full minute and you're already going at it." I roll my eyes and walk away from him Jay following behind. </p><p>"Josh! you made it oh? You didn't tell me you would bring a friend over." My mother says looking at Jayden. </p><p>"Um yeah well he didn't um...have a place to go for the break so I invited him over I hope... I hope you don't mind."</p><p>"Not at all, it's your father you gotta worry about. But I'll deal with him. Go on give him a tour." She says ushering us out of the living room. </p><p>"Huh alright then well that was the living room and now we are in the hallway to the left is the kitchen" we turn left and i showed him the kitchen that was plain and normal I mean it's a kitchen. </p><p>"Looks great" Jayden commented and I just nod and walk past the dining room. </p><p>"Upstairs are where all the rooms are. Abrams room is downstairs in the basement though and mines in the attic. </p><p>"Joshieee!" I double over as Jessie tackled me into a hug. </p><p>"Hey jellybean" I smile as I pick her up. </p><p>"You're here just like Abram how long are you stay? How come you weren't here earlier? Do you wanna see what bubba got me? Oooh can we play wif my dolls or have a tea party? Sarai can join and Reveca and Ezra. Do you want to join the tea party?" She spoke quick and loudly that last question was meant for Jay. </p><p>"I would love to join the tea party." </p><p>"Yay!! Mega big tea party!" I put her down and she runs off to who knows where. </p><p>"Can't wait." He says and I let out a small laugh. We make our way upstairs and I tell him who's rooms belong to who and then we made our way up to the attic. My room. </p><p>"We have to go through Jessie's room in order to get to mine." I explain before I open the door. </p><p>The room was covered head to toe in pink. Everything was pink the bed the walls the toys. Sarai has told me about that Jessie has been in this huge princess phase. So that explained the many princess dresses all over the floor.<br/>We climb the stairs that lead up to the attic </p><p>My room unlike Jessie's was plain I had some stuffed animals on my bed but not as much as in our dorm. I had a dresser and a mirror on one side with my desk on the other side of the room. I didn't have poster or anything like Jaydens room. I had a bean bag chair in front of a bookshelf that I had. </p><p>"Wow my family was right you are rich."</p><p>"My family is I'm not that money belongs to them." </p><p>"Hmm you got a point there at least we'll definitely be more comfortable here than at my place." </p><p>"Josh? Why didn't you tell me you were home?" Sarai walks climbs into my room. "Um who are you?" </p><p>"I'm Jayden a friend of Josh"</p><p>"Friend? You made a friend?" I nod but her face looked like she was still working it out. Then something clicked. "Ohh ooohh Josh is he? No way! you never explained how hot he his. Damn it's always the hot ones that are gay." </p><p>"Can you shut up! What if someone heard you?" Sarai was the only sibling besides Jessie that I was close to and she was the only one who's known my secret. </p><p>"Alright sorry sorry. Hello my name is Sarai it's nice to meet you and I swear if you break my brothers heart I will track you down and I will make your life a living hell believe me I know people." Her face went from cheery to dead serious in a matter of seconds and she actually scared me and I wasn't the one being threatened. I felt so bad for Jay. </p><p>"Noted and don't worry I don't plan on ever breaking his heart." I smile at that place a peck on his cheek. </p><p>"That's so sweet"</p><p>"It's the truth" he replies as we stare into each other's eyes. </p><p>"Alright you guys are cute and all to the point I might hurl but keep it low because if mom and dad find out yeesh I don't want to be there when that happens. Anyways nice to meet you and I hope you enjoy your stay." She hugged me and left. </p><p>"Alright time to meet my father again. You ready?" I ask him</p><p>"I am are you?" I shake my head. He kisses my forehead. </p><p>"Don't worry it'll be fine cariño" we then head downstairs where my father sat in the kitchen. He was outside of his office which will only last for probably five minutes ten the max. </p><p>"Hey dad you remember Jayden my roommate." He looks over at him and nods. </p><p>"What is he doing here?"</p><p>"Elijah don't be so rude he didn't have a place to go for the break so our caring son invited him over. See we obviously did something right." </p><p>"Where is he gonna sleep then?" I hide my face in my hand. You don't have to speak like he's a freaking dog. </p><p>"He'll sleep in my room we already share most things back at school." He nods </p><p>"Alright whatever no one tells me anything anymore." I see my mom roll her eyes and I would too if he wasn't looking right at me. He then grabbed a plate that had a sandwich and went up to crawl back into his office. </p><p>"Well yeah that's my father he mainly stays in his office so don't be surprised if you don't see him at all." I grab a glass of water and start drinking when the pitter patter of tiny feet started running towards us.</p><p>"Joshie come we has to go play tea party!" Jessie yells bouncing up and down with some little boy next to her. </p><p>"Who's this young man?" Jay asks bending over a bit. </p><p>"This is Zachariah he's my boyfriend!" </p><p>I spit out the water I had in my mouth. "What?!"</p><p>"He's my boyfriend!" Jessie repeated with a huge smile on her face. </p><p>"You mean a friend that's a boy right?" I set my glass down and bent down so that I was on the same level as her. </p><p>"Nope! Like mommy and daddy we are boyfriend girlfriend." She then places a kiss on the boys cheek to make it official. </p><p>"Does mom know about this? Moooom!" She would never tolerate something like this. </p><p>"What is it?" She asks walking back into the kitchen.</p><p>"Did..did you know about this?" I ask pointing at the two kids.</p><p>"Yeah so?"</p><p>"Sooo she's six years old how can she have a boyfriend? When we were six you wouldn't even let us play house because you thought it was inappropriate" </p><p>"It's all harmless fun Joshie and that was years ago." </p><p>"That was pretend they're...hold...holding hands... and she.. she just.. kiffed.. kissed. That boy on the cheek." I hear Jayden laugh and i make a face at him. He should be on my side. </p><p>"Josh it's nothing they're just playing let them be."</p><p>"Fine but if she gets an STD it'll be on you" I walk out of the kitchen and Jay followed after me. </p><p>"How is a six year old gonna get an STD?" Jay asks with this huge smile on his face</p><p>"That boy has probably been with every girl in this neighborhood he's probably a player who knows what he's got." I look over to the two kids and see them dancing together.</p><p>"Josh he's six!" He laughs. I huff and go to walk away put Jay stops me. </p><p>"Babyboy calm down nothing will happen they aren't even old enough to take a relationship seriously" he whispers in my ear. I whine i hate when he uses logic. </p><p>"No none of that come on we have a tea party to attend." He says grabbing my hand bringing me to the small table where almost everyone was eating or drinking imaginary tea.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0040"><h2>40. 40</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Jay my parents are expecting us to go to the synagogue I knew I should have packed some good clothing." I whine as I search through my suitcase looking for any type of appropriate clothing. </p><p>"What about the stuff you already have here" I turn and see him looking through the clothes I didn't take with me to the dorms. Most of them were striped shirts and my Sabbath clothing! Perfect. </p><p>"Thank you I completely forgot I had this." I start taking off my clothes and putting on the suit. </p><p>"You know the best thing about staying at your place." Jay says and I hum a what. </p><p>"We don't have to worry about anyone hearing us this place is huge." </p><p>I roll my eyes "Keep your horny self on that side of the room we aren't doing anything while my parents are in the house." I state fumbling with the tie.</p><p>Jay walks over and helps me. "Let me" I remove my hands and let him do the tie. "You look so handsome."</p><p>"Thank you, but you look way better." He shakes his head.</p><p>"Nope you do." I smile and pull him into a kiss.</p><p>"I can't wait to get back to school" He says and kisses me deeper.</p><p>"Joshie!!" I hear Abram and quickly pull away from Jayden and run to the other side of the room. </p><p>"Joshie you ready?" He pops his head out from the ladder with a huge smile on his face. </p><p>"Yeah I'm ready, I'll let you get dressed." I say that last part to Jayden and follow Abram down the ladder. </p><p>"So brother how's college?" </p><p>"Good...a lot of work but it's good"</p><p>"Oh I bet" he says with a smirk and I give him a questioning look. What is that supposed to mean. "Don't give me that look I mean the partying and the girls getting drunk the girls" he nudged my side and continues with that big smile on his face.</p><p>"Oh wait I forgot you don't like any of that stuff." </p><p>"I..I'm sorry what? How...what do you mean by that?" </p><p>"Oh just you've always been the shy one you've probably never been at a college party wouldn't want you to have a panic attack now would we?" He mocks me and I just roll my eyes and get far away from him as to not start something. </p><p>"Alright I'm ready when are we heading out?" I turn and see Jayden in a nice button down pants and black dress pants. He looked really nice and the shirt fit him well showing that he had some muscles under the price of fabric. </p><p>"Um...right now yeah we should be heading right now." I look away from him to prevent myself from drooling all over the floor. </p><p>We all drive off Abram and my sisters in his car, my parents in theirs, and me and Jayden in his car. </p><p>———————————————————————-</p><p>"The sermon will be in Hebrew but I can translate if you want." I explained to Jayden and he nods. We all take a seat in the temple we sing a few hymns, pray, and wait for the rabbi to give the lesson. Instead of the rabbi his son appears to give the sermon.</p><p>"Good afternoon everyone I had a different lesson prepared for today's Sabbath but some information came into light that I'd like to have a conversation about." The rabbi starts in Hebrew.</p><p>"He's saying he's changing the lesson for today." I whisper to Jayden and he nods. </p><p>"I'd like to start off with the book of Exodus. This book in the Torah is special it's where you find our Ten Commandments that Elohim that he wrote in stone with his finger and gave to us as to show us how to live."</p><p>"He's talking about Exodus and the Ten Commandments." </p><p>"After Exodus theres Leviticus these are the laws that Moses gave to us to follow and the consequences that come if one of us where to break the law."</p><p>"Now he's talking about Moses law."</p><p>"One of his laws refer to homosexuality. Leviticus 18:22 you shall not lie with a male as with a women. It is an abomination...Do not defile yourselves with any of these things for by all these nations are defiled, which I am casting out before you."</p><p>"What did he say?" Jayden asks </p><p>"Um...homosexuality" I say and turn my attention back to him. </p><p>"For the land is defiled; therefore I visit the punishment of its iniquity upon it, and the land vomits out its inhabitants."</p><p>"Josh" </p><p>"Shhh" I shush him and pay attention. </p><p>"Sadly these abominations sometimes live within the synagogue and the devil and his sin consumes them. They appear as our friends, people we've known our whole lives, could be our own family." </p><p>"Josh what is going on?" I don't even bother shushing him I just keep quiet.</p><p>"And sadly that is the case today. One of our own practices in homosexuality he is a sinner. And I pray for him that he finds his way back to Elohim and sees his wrong doings." The whole temple filled in gasps as a picture of me and Jayden kissing appears on the screen behind him. </p><p>"The Brightly's second child. Joshua Brightly practices these acts and according to the Torah is an abomination." I don't speak. I don't know what to say I don't know what to do. I hear my family speaking and yelling at me. I feel the dozens of eyes on me and this time I know I'm not imagining it. This is real this is real. How do I fix this?</p><p>I can't fix this. I can't fix this! that's it my life is ruin. I turn and see my mother looking at me and talking but my ears are filled with the sounds of my heart pumping. </p><p>I see my fathers look of disgust and I see Abram with a smile on his face. Of course. That's why he had that smile... that's why he was asking those weird questions. I should have known. </p><p>The dozens of eyes on me and I knew what every single one of them were thinking.  <br/>Sinner<br/>Abomination<br/>Vomit of the earth<br/>Sinner <br/>Sinner <br/>Sinner</p><p>I run out I couldn't handle it I run and run and it seems like the only thing I can do lately is run. Run from all my issues and problems. I ignore Jays calls and my parents. I can't handle it I can't oh god I can't breathe. I feel my lungs wheeze and spas out trying to search for oxygen. </p><p>But I ignore it. I ignore the on coming asthma attack like I ignore the feeling a of embarrassment, hatred and disgust that I just felt. </p><p>I run and continue running. I hear a car behind me but I ignore it. </p><p>"Josh!" I hear his feet getting closer and I curse at god for making me this way. </p><p>He catches up like I knew he would and he runs in front of me and catches me as I feel my legs turn into jello. And I just sob. </p><p>"They know! They know and I can't fix this I can't make it go back!" I choke on my sobs and tears fall along with snot and I'm pretty sure I'm ruining his shirt. </p><p>"I know baby, I know"</p><p>"No! You don't know Jay! You don't know what it's like because your family is the best they care for you they accept you! You never had that feeling that they might kill you if they find out! You didn't have to grow up knowing you liked guys because you thought you liked girls until now! You don't have nightmares about what might happen if they find out or about what might happen if fucking Richards find out I told. You have it easy and I'm so fucking jealous! And I don't want to be I want what you have and I can't I can't fix the damage that has been done. I'm gonna get kicked out of school because I can't pay for it my parents will disown me and I'll end up on the streets...." the rest was all gibberish and I was gasping. </p><p>"I cant breathe." I wheeze and Jay runs back to his car. </p><p>"Here" he hands me my inhaler and take it. Two puffs. Breathe in. Hold. Exhale. Repeat.</p><p>"Better?" </p><p>"Wanna go home" I whisper I can't bring myself to talk at a normal tone. </p><p>"Ok baby we just have to go back to your place for a minute to grab our things and we can go back to the school." He wipes away my tears and I make grabby hands. He carries me to the the car placing me in the passenger seat and putting on my seatbelt.</p><p>"Daddy" </p><p>"Yes baby boy?"</p><p>"You wove me?" </p><p>"Of course I love you baby I love you so much and nothing will ever change that." </p><p>"But I sinner"</p><p>"Love isn't a sin cariño" daddy kisses my head and leaves for a few seconds before coming back and starts driving. </p><p>I play with the little tree hanging from the mirror and try to grab it but the seatbelt kept stopping me. </p><p>"Sit back, we are almost there" Daddy says but I wanna play with it i grab the tree and yank it off the mirror. </p><p>I hear daddy sigh but he doesn't say anything. I smell it and it smells yucky like a tree stuck in a brand new car. </p><p>"Dont put it in your mouth." Daddy says just as I was about to put it in my mouth. How did he know?</p><p>Instead I just put my fingers in and start sucking on them. </p><p>"Don't put your fingers in your mouth either you haven't washed your hands baby and then you'll get sick remember last time you got sick?" I nod </p><p>"Yucky"</p><p>"Mhm you felt yucky you don't want to feel like that again." I don't listen though and still suck on my fingers.</p><p>Daddy takes my fingers out and puts something else in. I start sucking and the familiar plastic makes a familiar noise and I find out it's my paci. </p><p>"Daddy"</p><p>"Yeah baby?"</p><p>"Why Dey mean?" I say around my paci</p><p>"Because baby some people are just closed minded"</p><p>"Wha dat?"</p><p>"They just think a certain way and refuse to think in any other way." </p><p>"Otay" Daddy than puts on some music and I kick my feet and sing along. </p><p>"The wheels on the bus go wound and wound wound and wound wound and wound the wheels on the bus go wound and wound all thwough the town." I giggle at it and daddy smiles. </p><p>we stop in front of the house and daddy goes in leaving me in the car by myself. I whine but he can't hear me. I whine again louder but he still doesn't come and then I got scared. What if he left because of what happened? What if he doesn't want to be my daddy anymore? What if he left me here so my family can see when they come and make fun of me?</p><p>I start crying again because I don't want him to leave I love him being my daddy and I don't want to have another one. </p><p>"What's wrong why are you crying?"  Daddy! </p><p>"Thought you weft." I sniffled. </p><p>"I only went to get the stuff I told you remember." </p><p>"Oh I fowgots" Daddy chuckles</p><p>"That's alright baby" He exits the driveway and we start driving. </p><p>My phone starts ringing. </p><p>"Whos that?" </p><p>"Is my mom...no wan answer" </p><p>"You don't have to if you don't want to" I nod and turn my phone off. </p><p>I yawn and rub my eyes. </p><p>"Take a nap sweetie you've had a long day." </p><p>"No...no tiwed." I say but a yawn interrupts me. How rude.</p><p>"Sure you're not baby just close your eyes you don't have to sleep." </p><p>I keep them open watching daddy drive but when he puts on lullabies I couldn't help it. I dozed off sucking my paci and holding onto daddy's arm.</p>
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<a name="section0041"><h2>41. 41</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I slowly woke up feeling much better than I did a few minutes ago. As I began to stretch I noticed I was no longer seating up front instead I was laying down in the back seat. </p><p>"Hey baby did you have a nice nap?" Daddy says cheerfully</p><p>I nod and rub my eyes getting all the sleepiness out. </p><p>"Why am I in the back?" </p><p>"I stopped at a rest stop so I changed you into something more comfortable and I thought you'd be more comfortable laying down." I smile looking down at my clothes. I was wearing my stitch onesie that had a his ears and antennas on the hood. It even had mittens that looked like his hands. When I sat up I heard the crinkle of the diaper underneath me. </p><p>"I no pack wittle things though?"</p><p>"I did just in case you slipped." </p><p>"You wanna know someting?" </p><p>"What baby?" </p><p>"You the best daddy in the whole world." I compliment him and hug him from behind his seat.</p><p>"That's only because you are the best baby in the world." He kisses my hands and I giggle. But as the silence rose my thoughts did as well. </p><p>I turn on my phone and see thousands of missed calls from mom and some from Sarai. <br/>Including a few messages. </p><p>Sarai: Josh please answer moms calls she's worried and wants to talk to you</p><p>I told you to keep the mushy stuff on the down low </p><p>Mom: we need to have a serious talk </p><p>Joshua answer when I call you </p><p>Joshua Alexander Brightly I swear if you don't explain yourself you can say goodbye to staying at that college.</p><p>Joshua are you okay?</p><p>Just answer so I know that you are okay! </p><p>All I want to know is that you are safe right now we can talk later just please I'm worried. </p><p>Stay safe </p><p>Dad: answer your mother</p><p>Abram: <br/>you really fucked up this time </p><p>I always knew you were the disappointment but this is beyond 😂</p><p>Little baby isn't so innocent now </p><p>Reveca: <br/>What is going on? Dad is raging mad and screaming and mom is worried sick. </p><p>You know what don't even bother coming home do you have any idea the humiliation you are putting us through? Did you even think about Jessie. We are the laughing stock of the whole neighborhood. </p><p>Selfish prick. </p><p>I shut off my phone placing it in the front as I curl up on the floor of the car in between the seat. I feel the tears stream down and try to keep quiet so daddy doesn't have to worry. Abram is right I'm no good for anything. </p><p>I'm a selfish prick like Reveca said. I just want things to go back to the way they were.</p><p>"Josh you okay?"</p><p>"Mhm" I hum because I know if I talk I would give myself away. </p><p>"Remember your rules no lying." </p><p>"No!" I scream </p><p>"Excuse me?" He sounded more confused than anything else. And I don't blame him but I just wanted to scream that word over and over again. </p><p>"No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!" I continue saying it over and over and over again until my voice started hurting. </p><p>"Are you done?" He says I just noticed that he had pulled over as was looking right at me. </p><p>"No!" I scream one last time before looking away. </p><p>"Josh look at me" He says but I don't listen instead I stick my tongue out and blow raspberries at him. "Josh this behavior is unacceptable I know you are going through a lot right now but you need to calm down." </p><p>"No!" I kick and thrash as he tried to hold me down. The action had me going back to that night. Daddy slowly turned to Mr. Richards and I wasn't in the car but in the classroom. </p><p>"Stop! Pease! No! No! No! Stop hurts!" The hands were no longer there but the ghost of the touch was still there. </p><p>"Come on you little slut I know how bad you want it." I hear his voice but at the same time I don't. </p><p>"No want! No!" </p><p>"Josh shhh breathe in and out." I hear daddy's voice but it sounds so far away. </p><p>"No" I say softer my throat feeling sore.</p><p>"Josh I'm right here calm down. I'm not gonna hurt you." His voice is soft and sweet unlike the vile disgusting words of Richards</p><p>"Daddy" </p><p>"Right here baby I'm right here." I feel him touch my cheek lightly and I lean into it. Desperately needing the comfort. </p><p>Slowly I start coming out of the... well whatever that was and I can make out daddy's figure and the car. </p><p>I feel the tears streaming down and I see daddy's worried face.</p><p>"Boo boo" I say hoping he makes it go away.</p><p>"Where baby?" </p><p>"Here" I point to my heart. It hurts too much I don't want it anymore. I don't care if it keeps me alive I don't want it.</p><p>He sings the Spanish nursery rhyme and kisses my chest. It made me feel slightly better, very little but it was something. </p><p>"Cariño talk to me I want you tell me what you are thinking." I shake my head he won't like what I'm thinking. He'll think I'm doing it for attention and then he will get mad and leave me. "If you don't tell me how will I know what to do to make it better?" </p><p>"No. You can't."</p><p>"Let me be the judge of that" He pulls me into his lap and wraps his arms around me. </p><p>"My family they no want me no more because sinner." </p><p>"Then they were never really your family to begin with. Auntie Arya once told me you can't choose the family your from but you do choose the one you make. And we have our own little family back at school. Me, you, uncle ty, Felix and Auntie Arya"</p><p>"No fowget Mikey."</p><p>"Of course how can anyone forget him." I giggle and lay my head against the crook of his neck. </p><p>"Can we go back to your home no school wanna see evewone"</p><p>"Of course we can baby. Whenever you feel upset I want you to tell me that's why I made it one of your rules okay?" </p><p>"Otay...can we has McDonald's?"</p><p>"Not really healthy but sure." I smile and he takes me off his lap getting into the drivers seat. </p><p>"Do you wanna sit up front or stay in the back?"</p><p>"Up front wif you." I say already climbing over. It was weird and hard to climb and when I was already half way up daddy smacked my butt making me Yelp and fall. </p><p>"Daddy why you do that?!"</p><p>"Sorry I couldn't help it, you have a nice ass though" </p><p>"Daddy! That a no no word." </p><p>"Oh no I'm so sorry baby." I giggle as he was obviously joking. </p><p>"No now you has to be punished." </p><p>"Oh? And what shall my punishment be?" </p><p>"Have to give me a kiss right here." I put my fingers on my lips showing him where. </p><p>"Oh my baby wants a big boy kiss?" I nod hard. </p><p>"Well if that my punishment then I'll take what I can get." He kisses me but it was fast and quick more like a peck then a full kiss.</p><p>"Daddy not like that" I whine with a pout. I see him roll his eyes but I don't say anything about it because he gives me the kiss I wanted.</p><p>The kiss went from soft and sweet to hard and rough but when I licked the bottom of his mouth he pulled away which made me let out a whine. </p><p>"Not now baby you are still in your headspace and in a very emotional place right now I'd feel like I'm taking advantage of you and we are so not doing it in this car. </p><p>"Otay." </p><p>"To McDonalds! And then next stop my house again." He starts out excited but that last part sounded like he was exhausted. </p><p>"Yay!"</p>
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<a name="section0042"><h2>42. 42</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I had to change into some regular clothes because soon enough we arrived at his house which meant I had to age up which was very tiring all I wanted to do was go and take another nap or maybe just call it a day and sleep the day away. </p><p>      "Hey you feeling alright?" He asks parking into the driveway and I nod. He gets out to go around the car opening my side unbuckling my seatbelt holding my hand helping me out of the car. </p><p>"Jayden? What are you doing here?" Maria asks walking out of the house</p><p>"Sus padres no estaban contentos cuando nos vieron" He says. I'm starting to get really tired of them speaking Spanish. </p><p>"E por que? </p><p>"Ellos no aceptan personas como nosotros." After he said that last sentence her face turned to one of worry.</p><p>"Oh you poor thing come, come in. Did you guys eat?" She asks as she put her arms around me ushering me inside the house</p><p>"Yes mama we ate already." </p><p>"Ok but I have food on the stove so whenever you are hungry just take okay."</p><p>"Doshie!" Naeem runs into my arms smiling wide I return with a small smile. </p><p>"Hello." I greet him picking him up</p><p>"Hi! Wanna pay?!" </p><p>"Not right now bud." </p><p>"Otay" I set him down and he takes off into one of the rooms. I walk behind Jayden as he goes into his room. </p><p>He kicks off his shoes and crawls onto the bed as he pat the side of the bed. "Come here little one." I smile and kick off my shoes crawling into the spot beside him letting myself slowly slip. He holds me close hugging me tightly. </p><p>"Did you eat something today?" I ask him as I cuddle even closer. He hums a yes. "What did you eat?" </p><p>"I ate McDonalds baby"</p><p>I let out a small gasp "I ate McDonalds too." Daddy let's out a small laugh </p><p>"I know baby we ate together." I giggle and play with his shirt.</p><p>"I gonna sleep otay?" </p><p>"Okay goodnight baby"</p><p>"Nini" I reply and yawn closing my eyes and starting to drift off before a huge amount of weight landed on top of me. My eyes shot open.</p><p>"You guys are back!" I flinched at Mikeys loud voice and throw a pillow at him. "Ow that's not nice Joshie. You used to be so nice to me." </p><p>I felt my eyes water. He's right it wasn't a nice thing to do. "Sowwy" I apologize </p><p>"It's okay I was just joking wanna play with me?"</p><p>"Otay?" I say and then I looked at daddy to see what he would say. I didn't really want to play but Mikey wanted to play so I don't mind. </p><p>"You can play." He says and Mikey bounces up and down as he went through his bookbag taking out some toys. </p><p>"We can play with cars or blocks or with stuffies look the Spider-Man toy you gave me!" He says loudly showing the Spider-Man toy I gave him a few days ago. </p><p>Jaydens pov:</p><p>      I got up and locked the door so no one would come in while they were playing. I sat on my bed watching them play Josh trying to put the toys in his mouth every once in a while but Mikey wouldn't let him. I take out the pacifier I had in my pocket cleaning it with a wipe before walking over to them and placing it in Josh's mouth. </p><p>He started sucking on it while he continued to play. He looked absolutely adorable. </p><p>After a while of playing Josh started rubbing his eyes more and then started crying. Picking him up I cradled him and Mikey looked scared like he was the one to blame. </p><p>"Im sorry I don't know what I did?" He apologizes as Josh holds onto my shirt tightly. </p><p>"You didn't do anything Squirt, Josh is just being fussy he need some rest he's had a long day." </p><p>"But it's only the afternoon." Josh's soft cry's tuned into sniffles as he sucked harder on the pacifier bringing him comfort. </p><p>"Yeah but it's today has been really hard and long why dont you go play with Felix or Natalie?"</p><p>"They are in her room and talking about boring big kid things." I chuckle and ruffle his hair.</p><p>"Well I'm sure they'll want to play with you just go ahead and ask them." </p><p>He lets out a long groan before giving a quick okay and heads out closing the door behind him. </p><p>"Daddy's here baby I'm right here." I whisper as I cradled him. His eyes began to droop and he let out a small yawn that made his paci slightly slip out. I pushed it back in and he continued to suckle on it. </p><p>I lay down on the bed with Josh still in my arms as he closed his eyes and letting himself fall asleep. I turn him so that he was facing the wall so if anyone were to come in they wouldn't see the pacifier. I quickly and gently place him in one of my shirts and a diaper as a precaution. I don't want him having a an accident which would be hard to explain if my mom catches me using the washer. I cover him with a blanket as I grab my phone and make a call. </p><p> I dial the number and wait until I hear that he picked up. "Hey Dr. Forthe?"</p><p>"Jayden? Hello is everything alright?" He asks his voice laced with concern. </p><p>"Uh not really but no one is hurt or anything I just need some advice." </p><p>"Oh well alright then what seems to be the problem?"</p><p>"Well Josh is going through an extremely tough time right now, his family found out about us being together and it went terribly. He had this I don't know... I think it was a panic attack and now he's in his headspace...which... and he's just been really down and I'm not sure what to do. I want to be able to help him but I don't know how. And I feel like I'm not doing the right thing and I should be doing more then just holding him...like I should I dunno.. I don't know what to do thats the reason I'm calling you." After my small rant I take a few deep breathes to calm myself down.</p><p>"Breathe Jayden, you are doing fine I'm sure of it. You holding him and comforting him is in fact going beyond. That is simply all you need to do. Let him cry and talk it out you don't even need to say anything to him just let him talk and listen to him. I know that you care for him greatly and even caregivers don't know what they're doing half the time and i feel as if you need to be told that you are doing a great job."  Let out a sigh of relief. I actually didn't know I needed to hear that. </p><p>"Josh talks greatly about you. He deeply loves you and you don't have to do any major things sometimes the little things like giving your shoulder for him to cry on us enough. You are doing great I'm very sorry to cut this short but I really must go I have my next appointment soon." </p><p>"Oh yeah I'm very sorry about this and thank you." </p><p>"No problem I gave you my business number for a reason." I nod and say one last goodbye before hanging up.  </p><p>I look at Josh and his peaceful sleeping state. The pacifier slipped out as he had his mouth hung open. </p><p>My head snaps toward the sound of my door opening. I forgot to lock it after Mikey left. My mom walks in holding two plates filled with food.</p><p>"Mama we already ate." I whisper as to not wake him up.</p><p>"I know I know but just in case you guys get hungry." She whispers. "And be careful usa protecciòn."</p><p>"Mama!" I whisper yell and she leaves trying to hold her laughter. </p><p>Josh stirs a bit and whines. He opened his eyes and turned to me.</p><p>"Go back to sleep baby" I whisper.</p><p>"Daddy?"</p><p>"Yes baby?" </p><p>"I heaw the phone call not evewyting bu some I wove you ands you is doing the best. You awe the beat daddy ever." I smile and give him a quick kiss. </p><p>"Thank you baby I love you too so much now go to bed I can't have a cranky baby." He smiles and tucks himself into my arms and I cuddle him and swear to myself make sure that nothing happens to him again.</p>
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<a name="section0043"><h2>43. 43</h2></a>
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    <p>"Daddy?"  I hear Josh as he was shaking me. </p><p>"Mmm?" I hum my eyes still closed. </p><p>"Daddy." He whispers in my ear. I look at the clock by my bedside and groan. </p><p>"Baby can we please go back to sleep?" </p><p>I feel him crawl on top of my back. "Bu want ice cweam" he says. </p><p>"It's midnight, I'm not getting you ice cream." I hear him whine. </p><p>"Bu wan ice cweam." He repeats. I turn so he slides of my back and I cradle him. </p><p>"I said no go back to sleep." I hear another whine. I look down at him and he's giving me a pout and the saddest eyes ever. </p><p>"Pease?" </p><p>I grumble as I am now standing in the store in front of the freezers looking at the variety of ice cream flavors. How I got here I am still questioning it myself. I watch as Josh skips through the aisles still in littlespace but it's almost two in the morning so no one is gonna be judging us at this time. He picks a Neapolitan tub and skips back.</p><p>"Dis otay?" He asks softly. I smile and nod as I quickly pay for it. I hand him a spoon and he starts eating it. </p><p>"You're not eating that whole thing." I say he nods and skips beside me eating the tub as we walk back to the house. </p><p>"Want?" He asks bringing a spoon full of ice cream. </p><p>"I want sleep" I say but still take a bite from the spoon making him giggle. "This is so unhealthy"</p><p>"Bu has stwaberries?" Josh says. I shake my head. </p><p>"It's strawberry flavor baby it's not the same thing." </p><p>"Bu stwaberries?" </p><p>"That doesn't mean anything baby." He huffs and just continues eating his ice cream as I eat some also every few minutes. </p><p>"Daddy?" </p><p>"Yes cariño?" </p><p>"I wove you" </p><p>"I love you too baby." I place a kiss on his ice cream covered lips and cheeks. </p><p>We were about two blocks away from the house when Josh started whining and making grabby hands asking to be carried. Of course I carried him. And I got ice cream on my face due to him rubbing his sticky cheek against mine. I have the ice cream in the other hand from when I took it away from him. </p><p>He was bouncing in my arms I lightly smacked his padded butt forgetting that he didn't take off the diaper before leaving. He quickly stopped bouncing, he dug his face into my neck and whined. He was very much hyper now and I was regretting giving in to his desires.Those eyes will be the death of me if he figures out how to use them against me. Speaking of Mikey probably taught him how to do that. That son of a bitch is a master at puppy eyes. </p><p>"Daddy?" </p><p>"Yes?" I go to turn my head but my cheek was met with his tongue and he licked my entire cheek leaving a slimy wet trail. "Eww" I rub the saliva off my cheek and Josh pouts. </p><p>"No wike my kisses?" He was on the brink of tears and I feel bad for wiping the saliva off. </p><p>"No baby it just shocked me I love your kisses. Just warn me next time." </p><p>"Otay, can do again?" He asks and I hold back a sigh as I allow him do drag his tongue across my cheek again this time refraining from wiping the saliva off. He was thrilled and had a wide smile on his face. </p><p>As we walk into the house I brought a finger to my mouth signaling him to stay quiet. He copied me and brought a finger to his mouth which brought a smile to my face. </p><p>I put the ice cream away in the freezer. I quickly wash his face and head back to my room. I get him ready to go back to bed. He wears nothing but a diaper and one of my shirts that was a bit big on him. We lay next to each other falling asleep. </p><p>I wake up in a cold sweat. My heart races as if I had just run a marathon and my breathing is quick and sharp. I look to my side and see Josh sleeping soundly which brought me a great relief. I check the time it read 10:00 so I got up and got ready as I drag myself to the kitchen cooking for everybody. </p><p>I had the worst nightmare imaginable. I dreamt that the old bastard came back. That he walked back into my life and he ruined everything I've tried so hard to build these past few years. That he manage to get us attached to him only for him to leave and abandon us again. The only difference was instead of him leaving mama and us with my terribly ill sister. I was the one who left. That I had hurt Josh and the future I wish to make with him. </p><p>What if I end up just like him. They say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree what if it's true. </p><p>"Whats that face for?" I turn my head away from the pan and look to see Natalie standing there as she took a bite out of an apple. </p><p>"Nothing." </p><p>"Bullshit. What's wrong? Did you get into a fight with Joshua?" </p><p>"No we aren't fighting we are fine and nothings wrong." I say as I flip the egg that was currently sizzling in the frying pan. </p><p>"Once again bullshit. I'm not stupid so tell me." </p><p>"I just had a nightmare no big deal." I grab another frying pan and put some bacon on it and grabbing some of the turkey bacon for Nat and Josh to eat.</p><p>"Same one or just a random one?" </p><p>"Same one just a little different." </p><p>"How so?" She takes a seat at the table looking intrigued.</p><p>"Must I tell you my whole life?" I say. She nods and takes another bite of her apple.</p><p>"Are you kidding Mikey wouldn't shut up about you guys I swear your life is practically a telenovela. You are my live entertainment now speak."</p><p>"Fine this time it wasn't him leaving us it was me leaving Josh and doing everything he did to us to him." I say as I stare at the eggs that were starting to burn. </p><p>"Listen and listen good. Forget that bastard we don't need him and you aren't gonna turn out like him. Mama raised you better and I swear if I ever find out you did I will murder you because personally I'd do anything to protect him." I quickly take the eggs off and place them on their own plates and turn to the bacon. </p><p>"You barely know him though?" </p><p>"Yeah but he became one of my favorite people after he beat you at paintball." I roll my eyes and place the plates the table. </p><p>"Here's your food." I say and hand her her plate.</p><p>"Is this bacon bacon or turkey bacon?" </p><p>"Turkey bacon relax" I say and head to go wake Josh up. Ever since she found out you can get tapeworms from eating pig we hasn't eaten anything even things with gelatin for about five years. Josh just can't have due to his religious beliefs. </p><p>I walk into the room and see Josh was already up and was sitting up rubbing his eyes. </p><p>"Good morning." </p><p>"Mowning." He says rubbing his eyes and stretching. </p><p>"Do you think you can be big bud?" I ask grabbing some clothes for him. </p><p>He whines and shakes his head. "No wan" </p><p>"Alright you don't have to if you don't want to but my family is gonna be around. Natalie knows about me being a daddy so you don't have to worry about her judging." I get him dressed into one of his oversized sweaters instead of a diaper I put a pull up on him that way it's not noticeable and just in case he has an accident. Put him in jeans and tie his shoes for him. </p><p>I walk him to the bathroom and brush his teeth for him. I grab onto his hand and walk him to the kitchen as I saw Natalie pouring syrup over her bacon and ketchup on her eggs. </p><p>"I will never understand you." She just give me a goofy smile as she pops the yolk of her egg and mixes the yellow substance with the ketchup making a huge mess and takes a forkful of it. </p><p>"Bacon?" Josh asks looking up at me. </p><p>"It's turkey don't worry." </p><p>"You don't like eating pork either finally someone who won't look at me weirdly." Nat says taking a bite out of her syrup covered bacon. </p><p>After breakfast I clean up the mess Josh made. With him eating, it can go either way. He's either very neat and makes no mess or there's more food on his face rather than in his stomach. </p><p>Natalie ended up finding out that he was a little which only made her more protective of him. As more people woke up and sat around the table the quieter Josh got and the more he shifted getting nervous. </p><p>"Josh and I are gonna head out now." I take Josh's hand grabbing my keys and heading out. "You okay little one?" </p><p>He gives me a smile and nods. He stood straighter and the tension was gone. I was getting worried. He's never been this long in littlespace before. I don't question him because I really don't mind him being little if anything it allows me to give him as much affection without big Josh getting embarrassed. He's also probably just coping with what had just happened the day before. </p><p>School however starts in two days and I have no idea if he'll be able to attend. And if his family really does cut him off what is that gonna mean for him? </p><p>I get him in the car and buckle him up before heading out onto the road. </p><p>"Wanna see the others?" I ask and he nods his fingers in his mouth. "Baby, fingers." I say and he takes them out. I stop for a second looking through the bookbag that we use for a diaperbag. I couldn't find his pacifier so I just hand him a teether. </p><p>He chewed on it for the rest of the ride and I parked in front of Felix's house. If anything they were most likely to be here. </p><p>I help Josh out and go up to the big house ringing  the doorbell. Felix answered his hair a tangled mess and had huge bags under his eyes. </p><p>"What the fuck are doing here?" He says in a monotone voice. </p><p>"Nothing we're bored so we came over." His eyes turned to Josh who waved frantically at him. </p><p>"Alright come in." Felix says stepping to the side. Mikey was sitting down on the Arya's lap watching some cartoons. </p><p>"Is Ty here?" I ask and Felix nods pointing upstairs. </p><p>"Evewyone hewe aweady?" Josh asked and I nod. "Why?" </p><p>"Because Mikey can't stand a single night away from Arya and Ty just came a few minutes ago." Felix says. I forgot that Josh doesn't know Felix and Arya are related. </p><p>"Josh, Arya and Felix are brother and sister." </p><p>"Wha? How? Why no one tell me?!" He said filled with shock i signal for him to lower his voice. </p><p>"She's adopted." Felix says plainly and heads upstairs. </p><p>"Yeah and I just forgot it's not really an important detail anyway." </p><p>"Joshie!" Mikey screams and runs to Josh tackling him into a hug. Josh giggles as he falls onto the ground with Mikey on top of him. </p><p>"Mikey off!" He screams in between his giggles. The sight was adorable. </p><p>"Come! come!" He says his voice full of excitement as he drags Josh upstairs. </p><p>"Be careful!" I call out after them and Mikey replies with quick okay. </p><p>I sit down beside Arya as she changes the channel to one that was playing F.R.I.E.N.D.S</p><p>"Hey." I greet her and she replies with a nod. I watched the show while also listening incase something happens upstairs.</p><p>I then hear feet running down the stairs. And Josh runs to me. </p><p>"Daddy! Guess what?!" He says all excited and loud. </p><p>"Inside voice baby." </p><p>"Oh otay but guess what?" He says lowering his voice. </p><p>"What baby?" I ask brushing his hair out of his face. </p><p>"Mikey said the was gonna goes to a caw-cawnibal?"</p><p>"A carnival darling." Arya says correcting him. </p><p>"Yeah dat. Can we pwease go pwease, pwease, pwease?" I chuckle at his persistence. </p><p>"Yes baby we can go." I say and his face lights up. </p><p>"Yay!" I give him a look. "Oops sowwy." He apologizes when Mikey grabs him and brings him back upstairs.</p>
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<a name="section0044"><h2>44. 44</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Josh's pov </p><p>     Mikey was teaching me how to climb up and down a tree.  It was so cool he's like a monkey. We were upstairs in Felix's room and he has a tree right outside his window.  </p><p>"Be careful, climbing a tree is easy but you have to be careful of splinters and falling and splinters they are the worst." He says sitting on the tree. I was still inside the house. It looked scary and so so so high up. </p><p>"Pwomise i no fall?" I ask. I don't want to get hurt. </p><p>"I promise." He says. He sticks out his hand and I grab it. </p><p>"Otay..." I go onto the tree and sit down on the branch Mikey was on holding on tightly. "No no don't let go!" I scream as Mikey was starting to let go of my hand. </p><p>"Joshie I need to go to the other branch or we will both fall because we too heavy and it will break." He say and quickly moves to another branch. I hold onto the branch tightly hugging it. This was a bad idea. Bad bad idea. Want daddy. </p><p>I whine and Mikey looks over to me. "What's wrong?" He asks.</p><p>"Scawed wan daddy." I say and whine some more. "Shhh no, no, no. Don't cry, don't cry we will get in trouble. It's not that far see we are so close to the ground. I look down but it doesn't look like we were close it looked like we were way high up. It made me feel all dizzy. "No!" I hear Mikey sigh and him grab my arm. </p><p>"Come climb down...." I then hear him gasp. "Pretend that we monkeys in the jungle! Monkeys aren't scared so you can't be scared either if you are monkey okay?" </p><p>"Otay..." I go slow and steady, climbing down the tree and going onto the next branch imagining I'm a monkey in the jungle. Mikey claps and cheers me on. And then I no longer felt so scared. When Mikey went down one branch then I would climb down one too. </p><p>"Look joshie we are almost there just one more branch." Mikey says and then he jumps off and lands on the ground. "Jump!" He yells but I shake my head. I can't jump if I jump I'll falls "joshie you have to jump to get down." </p><p>"No! No wanna jump!" I go back to hugging the tree tightly. It's too high I'm not gonna jump. If I jump I'll get a booboo and I don't want that. I want daddy, no more playing. This game isn't fun no more. </p><p>"Joshieee! Come on jump! It's really short even if you fall you can't get hurt that's how teeny tiny the jump is. So itty bitty." Mikey says his voice going high pitch at itty bitty part. He used his fingers to show how small it was but he's lying. It's much bigger than that. Then I feel something crawling on me. It tickled and felt weird and when I looked at my hand I screamed. There were billions and hundreds of red ants on my hand. I shake them off flapping my hands like I was bird. The shaking made me lose my balance and my hold on the branch so I fell. </p><p>I start to cry loudly. Mikey was trying to shush me but it only made me cry more. I had icky ants on me and I fell down. I wasn't hurt but Mikey promised me I wouldn't fall down. </p><p>"What happened? Why are you guys out here?" I hear auntie Arya but I ignore her and continue crying. "Sorry I no mean to make him cry I was just teaching him how to climb down a tree." I feel Auntie pick me up </p><p>"Mikey you know he's very little and he can't climb down trees like you. Even when he's big I'm pretty sure he would've fallen anyways. Where does it hurt sweetie?" I don't answer her, I don't want her I want daddy. </p><p>"What happened?!" I then feel a pair of arms take me away from Arya and I cuddle into the familiar big arms. I hear talking but I don't pay attention I hug my daddy happy that he's here. </p><p>"Alright hush now, you aren't hurt there's no need to cry." He says softly. I stopped crying immediately and just buried myself into his hold. We all head back into the house. Daddy set me down on the couch and he didn't look happy. </p><p>"Joshua you could have seriously gotten hurt. Can you tell me why you thought it was a good idea to climb down a tree from the second floor?" Daddy's used my entire name instead of calling me Josh and his voice was stern making me feel all itty bitty like Mikey said about the tree. "I expect an answer." </p><p>I whine and thought about what to say. "I dunno...it looked wike fun." It didn't seem like it now. </p><p>"That's what you have toys for. Not to go climbing out of buildings from the second floor window Joshua." I look down at my lap my finger twirling and playing with my shirt. "And where was Tyrone in all of this?" </p><p>"Seeping." He gives me a look and I just put my head back down. I think that was one of those type of question not meant to be answered. He walks back and forth for a few minutes and then walks towards me. "Look at me baby boy" I didn't lift my head up right away so he lifted up my chin. "You are gonna go to time out for twenty minutes and I want you think about what you did." I whine and give a pout trying to get out of my punishment. "Put that lip away princess or I'm gonna bite it." I quickly stop pouting but at the same time I thought about pouting again to see if he'd actually do it. He walked me to the steps and sat me down on them as he set a timer. </p><p>"Pease stay." I didn't want him to leave me alone on the steps. I wanted him right next to me. </p><p>"I'll be right there where I can see you and where you can see me. Twenty minutes can you take your punishment like a good boy?" I nod slowly upset that he wouldn't be right by me. I wanted to prove I could be good. He set the timer and walked away sitting on the couch. Auntie Arya and Mikey were upstairs and I can hear them talking I bring my thumb up to my mouth and start to suck on it. I know going out from the window wasn't safe. I've never even climbed a tree before. The more I thought about it the more I regretted it. </p><p>I felt like I was on the chair forever. I started thinking Daddy forgot I was in timeout or maybe he knew and just didn't want me to come out. But that can't be right because he was right there and would look over at me every few seconds giving me a soft smile. Finally the timer went off my butt felt numb. Daddy walked over to me and bent down so we were face to face. "Tell me what you did wrong baby." He took my thumb out of my mouth and wiped away a few tears that I had.</p><p>"I cwimbed out a window from the second floor and went down a twee and fell down." I say but it sounded more like a whisper. </p><p>"And why is that wrong?" </p><p>"Cebause I could get huwt weally weally bad."  </p><p>"Exactly and then Daddy would be very sad because his baby would be in pain." He kissed the top of my forehead and hugged me. "I love you baby you know that right?" I nod. Sometimes I think otherwise but he is always showing so it must be true. "You ready to go to the carnival?" </p><p>My mood instantly flipped I nod fast and bounce. "Yes" </p><p>Daddy helps me with my shoes and putting on my sweater. And once everyone was ready we piled into Uncle Ty's car me and Daddy in the back again. "Can we go on the fewwis wheel? I've never ever been on a fewwis wheel before." </p><p>"Dude that like the number one rule at a carnival. If you go you must ride the Ferris wheel." Ty says and everyone agreed. </p><p>"Ty quit it." Daddy says and pulls me into his lap. "We can ride the Ferris wheel. We'll even wait till they throw the fireworks and kiss when we're at the very top. Remake every single clichè romance movie how does that sound." </p><p>"Cheesy." I say giggling. The rest of the ride I remained in his lap and we sang a whole bunch of songs. </p><p>"Ooh eee ahh ahh ahh Ching Chang walla walla bing bang!" By the time we finished singing we had arrived at the carnival. You could hear the streets full of laughter and chitter chatter here or there. As we walked around there were so many things to do, so many things to see. </p><p>"What do you wanna do first?" Daddy asks. I look around at all the games and rides. The rollercoasters look a bit scary and so does the fun house. Last time I went in one of those I almost peed myself clowns every where and mirrors that make it so you can't find your way out. I shrug. "How about we go on some rides. We can start with some of the kiddie ones before trying some of the bigger ones." </p><p>"Otay" he takes my hand and we walk to the one of the small rides. While in line people were giving us looks and I got closer to daddy. </p><p>"Dont worry about them. Just worry about having fun." He says wrapping his arms around me. The guy that was letting people on looked at us funny but he didn't say anything and just let us through. The ride was simple and not scary whatsoever. We slowly went on bigger rides the types that have loopdy loops and turns. Those had me squealing. </p><p>We ate a whole bunch of snacks. Funnel cake, caramel apples and cotton candy. </p><p>Daddy liked playing the carnival games and he was good at them too. He won this huge huge teddy bear for me. I'm gonna call him Carl. </p><p>When we got back with the others Mikey had his head buried in a garbage can as he was throwing up. "Habibi this is why I told you not to eat too much junk before going on the rollercoasters." Auntie Arya said rubbing his back as he continued to vomit. When he finished he took his head out and Arya gave him some water to rinse his mouth out. </p><p>We stayed together and played some more games. Me and daddy started playing the game with the water guns when I felt water hit me. Half of my body was wet and I turn to see daddy whistling and looking the other way. I pick up my water gun and sprayed back. "Josh!" He screamed and sprays back at me. "You started!" We kept spraying back and forth until the water stopped. The owner of the booth wasn't so happy. We apologized and ran off laughing. </p><p>It wasn't long before night fell. And people were starting to leave. We had eaten so much junk food and gone on almost all the rides. The last one left was the Ferris wheel which all of us were currently in line for. The closer we got the more nervous I became. What if we get stuck. What if an earthquake hits when we are the very top and me and daddy fall to our doom. </p><p>"Relax little one. There's nothing to be worried about." Daddy whispers in my ear. He ruffles my hair and his words made me feel a little better. Then it was our turn. </p><p>The woman that was in charge of the ride helped us in and brought the metal bar down locking it in place. Daddy held onto my hand and gave me three squeezes. I gave him three back and leaned onto him. The ride began to move which made me jump. Daddy laughed and I made a dramatic pout. And the most shocking thing happened. He bit me! He bit my lip not too hard but it shocked me because I kind of liked it. "I warned you princess didn't I." The butterflies in my stomach were back and my face went red. </p><p>I had just noticed that we were already almost to the top. I looked around and saw the entire neighborhood. I tried to see if I could find Daddy's house but I had no luck. I saw Mikey who was jumping up and down waving at us and I waved back. "Ook Mikey!" Daddy looked over and waved at Mikey, Arya waved to. Ty and Felix were on the ride to just in a different cart. </p><p>We then reached the top when I turned to face Daddy he had a kind of smile but it wasn't a smile. His face was still but he seemed happy which made me happy. He turned to face me and leans in, so carefully. I can hear his breathing and I'm sure he can hear mine. I hear the thumping of my heart I didn't know why it was beating so fast we've kissed many time before. I don't feel the coldness of the metal anymore or the nip in the air because all I feel is his touch.</p><p>"I love you so much." He whispers right before he kisses me not letting me say the same words back to him. The kiss felt just like our first. The same slightly chapped lips that were somehow still soft, the taste of the blueberry cotton candy we had before getting on this ride making it so sweet. Right in the middle of the kiss I hear the fireworks go off and even though my eyes were closed I could practically see the fireworks lighting up the night sky. And as we pulled away I yearned for more. </p><p>"I love you too.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0045"><h2>45. 44</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Josh's pov </p><p>     Mikey was teaching me how to climb up and down a tree.  It was so cool he's like a monkey. We were upstairs in Felix's room and he has a tree right outside his window.  </p><p>"Be careful, climbing a tree is easy but you have to be careful of splinters and falling and splinters they are the worst." He says sitting on the tree. I was still inside the house. It looked scary and so so so high up. </p><p>"Pwomise i no fall?" I ask. I don't want to get hurt. </p><p>"I promise." He says. He sticks out his hand and I grab it. </p><p>"Otay..." I go onto the tree and sit down on the branch Mikey was on holding on tightly. "No no don't let go!" I scream as Mikey was starting to let go of my hand. </p><p>"Joshie I need to go to the other branch or we will both fall because we too heavy and it will break." He say and quickly moves to another branch. I hold onto the branch tightly hugging it. This was a bad idea. Bad bad idea. Want daddy. </p><p>I whine and Mikey looks over to me. "What's wrong?" He asks.</p><p>"Scawed wan daddy." I say and whine some more. "Shhh no, no, no. Don't cry, don't cry we will get in trouble. It's not that far see we are so close to the ground. I look down but it doesn't look like we were close it looked like we were way high up. It made me feel all dizzy. "No!" I hear Mikey sigh and him grab my arm. </p><p>"Come climb down...." I then hear him gasp. "Pretend that we monkeys in the jungle! Monkeys aren't scared so you can't be scared either if you are monkey okay?" </p><p>"Otay..." I go slow and steady, climbing down the tree and going onto the next branch imagining I'm a monkey in the jungle. Mikey claps and cheers me on. And then I no longer felt so scared. When Mikey went down one branch then I would climb down one too. </p><p>"Look joshie we are almost there just one more branch." Mikey says and then he jumps off and lands on the ground. "Jump!" He yells but I shake my head. I can't jump if I jump I'll falls "joshie you have to jump to get down." </p><p>"No! No wanna jump!" I go back to hugging the tree tightly. It's too high I'm not gonna jump. If I jump I'll get a booboo and I don't want that. I want daddy, no more playing. This game isn't fun no more. </p><p>"Joshieee! Come on jump! It's really short even if you fall you can't get hurt that's how teeny tiny the jump is. So itty bitty." Mikey says his voice going high pitch at itty bitty part. He used his fingers to show how small it was but he's lying. It's much bigger than that. Then I feel something crawling on me. It tickled and felt weird and when I looked at my hand I screamed. There were billions and hundreds of red ants on my hand. I shake them off flapping my hands like I was bird. The shaking made me lose my balance and my hold on the branch so I fell. </p><p>I start to cry loudly. Mikey was trying to shush me but it only made me cry more. I had icky ants on me and I fell down. I wasn't hurt but Mikey promised me I wouldn't fall down. </p><p>"What happened? Why are you guys out here?" I hear auntie Arya but I ignore her and continue crying. "Sorry I no mean to make him cry I was just teaching him how to climb down a tree." I feel Auntie pick me up </p><p>"Mikey you know he's very little and he can't climb down trees like you. Even when he's big I'm pretty sure he would've fallen anyways. Where does it hurt sweetie?" I don't answer her, I don't want her I want daddy. </p><p>"What happened?!" I then feel a pair of arms take me away from Arya and I cuddle into the familiar big arms. I hear talking but I don't pay attention I hug my daddy happy that he's here. </p><p>"Alright hush now, you aren't hurt there's no need to cry." He says softly. I stopped crying immediately and just buried myself into his hold. We all head back into the house. Daddy set me down on the couch and he didn't look happy. </p><p>"Joshua you could have seriously gotten hurt. Can you tell me why you thought it was a good idea to climb down a tree from the second floor?" Daddy's used my entire name instead of calling me Josh and his voice was stern making me feel all itty bitty like Mikey said about the tree. "I expect an answer." </p><p>I whine and thought about what to say. "I dunno...it looked wike fun." It didn't seem like it now. </p><p>"That's what you have toys for. Not to go climbing out of buildings from the second floor window Joshua." I look down at my lap my finger twirling and playing with my shirt. "And where was Tyrone in all of this?" </p><p>"Seeping." He gives me a look and I just put my head back down. I think that was one of those type of question not meant to be answered. He walks back and forth for a few minutes and then walks towards me. "Look at me baby boy" I didn't lift my head up right away so he lifted up my chin. "You are gonna go to time out for twenty minutes and I want you think about what you did." I whine and give a pout trying to get out of my punishment. "Put that lip away princess or I'm gonna bite it." I quickly stop pouting but at the same time I thought about pouting again to see if he'd actually do it. He walked me to the steps and sat me down on them as he set a timer. </p><p>"Pease stay." I didn't want him to leave me alone on the steps. I wanted him right next to me. </p><p>"I'll be right there where I can see you and where you can see me. Twenty minutes can you take your punishment like a good boy?" I nod slowly upset that he wouldn't be right by me. I wanted to prove I could be good. He set the timer and walked away sitting on the couch. Auntie Arya and Mikey were upstairs and I can hear them talking I bring my thumb up to my mouth and start to suck on it. I know going out from the window wasn't safe. I've never even climbed a tree before. The more I thought about it the more I regretted it. </p><p>I felt like I was on the chair forever. I started thinking Daddy forgot I was in timeout or maybe he knew and just didn't want me to come out. But that can't be right because he was right there and would look over at me every few seconds giving me a soft smile. Finally the timer went off my butt felt numb. Daddy walked over to me and bent down so we were face to face. "Tell me what you did wrong baby." He took my thumb out of my mouth and wiped away a few tears that I had.</p><p>"I cwimbed out a window from the second floor and went down a twee and fell down." I say but it sounded more like a whisper. </p><p>"And why is that wrong?" </p><p>"Cebause I could get huwt weally weally bad."  </p><p>"Exactly and then Daddy would be very sad because his baby would be in pain." He kissed the top of my forehead and hugged me. "I love you baby you know that right?" I nod. Sometimes I think otherwise but he is always showing so it must be true. "You ready to go to the carnival?" </p><p>My mood instantly flipped I nod fast and bounce. "Yes" </p><p>Daddy helps me with my shoes and putting on my sweater. And once everyone was ready we piled into Uncle Ty's car me and Daddy in the back again. "Can we go on the fewwis wheel? I've never ever been on a fewwis wheel before." </p><p>"Dude that like the number one rule at a carnival. If you go you must ride the Ferris wheel." Ty says and everyone agreed. </p><p>"Ty quit it." Daddy says and pulls me into his lap. "We can ride the Ferris wheel. We'll even wait till they throw the fireworks and kiss when we're at the very top. Remake every single clichè romance movie how does that sound." </p><p>"Cheesy." I say giggling. The rest of the ride I remained in his lap and we sang a whole bunch of songs. </p><p>"Ooh eee ahh ahh ahh Ching Chang walla walla bing bang!" By the time we finished singing we had arrived at the carnival. You could hear the streets full of laughter and chitter chatter here or there. As we walked around there were so many things to do, so many things to see. </p><p>"What do you wanna do first?" Daddy asks. I look around at all the games and rides. The rollercoasters look a bit scary and so does the fun house. Last time I went in one of those I almost peed myself clowns every where and mirrors that make it so you can't find your way out. I shrug. "How about we go on some rides. We can start with some of the kiddie ones before trying some of the bigger ones." </p><p>"Otay" he takes my hand and we walk to the one of the small rides. While in line people were giving us looks and I got closer to daddy. </p><p>"Dont worry about them. Just worry about having fun." He says wrapping his arms around me. The guy that was letting people on looked at us funny but he didn't say anything and just let us through. The ride was simple and not scary whatsoever. We slowly went on bigger rides the types that have loopdy loops and turns. Those had me squealing. </p><p>We ate a whole bunch of snacks. Funnel cake, caramel apples and cotton candy. </p><p>Daddy liked playing the carnival games and he was good at them too. He won this huge huge teddy bear for me. I'm gonna call him Carl. </p><p>When we got back with the others Mikey had his head buried in a garbage can as he was throwing up. "Habibi this is why I told you not to eat too much junk before going on the rollercoasters." Auntie Arya said rubbing his back as he continued to vomit. When he finished he took his head out and Arya gave him some water to rinse his mouth out. </p><p>We stayed together and played some more games. Me and daddy started playing the game with the water guns when I felt water hit me. Half of my body was wet and I turn to see daddy whistling and looking the other way. I pick up my water gun and sprayed back. "Josh!" He screamed and sprays back at me. "You started!" We kept spraying back and forth until the water stopped. The owner of the booth wasn't so happy. We apologized and ran off laughing. </p><p>It wasn't long before night fell. And people were starting to leave. We had eaten so much junk food and gone on almost all the rides. The last one left was the Ferris wheel which all of us were currently in line for. The closer we got the more nervous I became. What if we get stuck. What if an earthquake hits when we are the very top and me and daddy fall to our doom. </p><p>"Relax little one. There's nothing to be worried about." Daddy whispers in my ear. He ruffles my hair and his words made me feel a little better. Then it was our turn. </p><p>The woman that was in charge of the ride helped us in and brought the metal bar down locking it in place. Daddy held onto my hand and gave me three squeezes. I gave him three back and leaned onto him. The ride began to move which made me jump. Daddy laughed and I made a dramatic pout. And the most shocking thing happened. He bit me! He bit my lip not too hard but it shocked me because I kind of liked it. "I warned you princess didn't I." The butterflies in my stomach were back and my face went red. </p><p>I had just noticed that we were already almost to the top. I looked around and saw the entire neighborhood. I tried to see if I could find Daddy's house but I had no luck. I saw Mikey who was jumping up and down waving at us and I waved back. "Ook Mikey!" Daddy looked over and waved at Mikey, Arya waved to. Ty and Felix were on the ride to just in a different cart. </p><p>We then reached the top when I turned to face Daddy he had a kind of smile but it wasn't a smile. His face was still but he seemed happy which made me happy. He turned to face me and leans in, so carefully. I can hear his breathing and I'm sure he can hear mine. I hear the thumping of my heart I didn't know why it was beating so fast we've kissed many time before. I don't feel the coldness of the metal anymore or the nip in the air because all I feel is his touch.</p><p>"I love you so much." He whispers right before he kisses me not letting me say the same words back to him. The kiss felt just like our first. The same slightly chapped lips that were somehow still soft, the taste of the blueberry cotton candy we had before getting on this ride making it so sweet. Right in the middle of the kiss I hear the fireworks go off and even though my eyes were closed I could practically see the fireworks lighting up the night sky. And as we pulled away I yearned for more. </p><p>"I love you too.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0046"><h2>46. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Josh are you ready yet?" Jayden asked knocking on my door before just straight up walking in. Why knock if you're just gonna walk in anyway? But to say the least I wasn't ready. I was currently fumbling around with my tie. Usually I'm an expert in these things having done them once a week my entire life. But for some reason I couldn't seem to be doing anything right in the moment. I only had on my white shirt still haven't even put my pants on which were currently laying on the bed next to the blazer I still haven't ironed. "Need help?" He asks and I nod. I am too exhausted for this. </p><p>He walks over to me and helps me with my tie almost choking me but still did a better job than what I was doing. "You know pants usually go first." </p><p>"Oh shut up." I reply sending him a glare. I quickly pull my pants on and begin to iron the blazer That should have been done the night before but there were certain...distractions. </p><p>"You are so brave cariño. And you don't have to worry about a thing I'll be there every step of the way that way he can't do anything." Jay was being overprotective then usual and it was sweet but tiring at the same time. If I hadn't insisted on wanting to dress myself he would have done it for me. </p><p>It's been three months since Thanksgiving break. Five months since Jayden and I have been together and six months since I shocked myself by making some friends. I barely talk to my parents. My mother is embarrassed of me but continues to check up on me no still very much cares. As long as when we meet each other it's miles away from our neighborhood that way no one can catch her from her godforsaken son. Dad still hasn't said a word to me since that day. Mom says that he still loves me and I just need to give him time but I doubt it. He didn't really love me much when he thought I was straight why would he now? Sarai has been the only one I still talk to regularly. She's been a saint through all this. I still talk to Jessie of course, who now claims that the little prick is now her fiancée and wants me to attend the wedding. Jay had a blast when I ranted it to him, jerk he's supposed to be on my side. </p><p>My parents did cut me off and I no longer live in the dorms or attend school. I currently work at a pottery shop painting the pots, making customized painting on them. I love my job the pay isn't too great but everyone is kind including my boss who doesn't force me to talk to the customers. I also have a part time job at a lovely bookstore on the rich side of town. I do have to talk to customers and frankly I think I'm getting better at actually having to talk to people. Some are patient and kind while others are sometimes rude and urge me to hurry it up making me stumble with my words more but I honestly wouldn't change it for the world. </p><p>The best thing of all is Jayden and I got our own apartment. It's close to both of my jobs and the school where Jayden still attended. Granted it was small but much more room than the dorm. For one thing we actually had a working stove. We had a big fridge rather then the mini one and two rooms. The first one was a plain white room that had a queen sized bed with a night stand next to it where...certain things were kept. A lamp on top which we've never used and a nightlight that was still plugged into the socket which we did use almost every night. There were a few guitars that were hanging on the wall. I soon quickly found out that Jayden knew how to play them and the sappy idiot even wrote a few songs for me. Jayden had kept his bad posters and hung them up making this room seem kind of a teenagers room rather than a place where two adults sleep. </p><p>The other room was completely different. Instead of plain white walls they were a soft baby blue color with white curtains and fairy lights that hanged from the ceiling. There was a dresser filled with childish clothing. A huge crib that I have no idea where Jay got along with a changing table. The floor was similar to that of a kindergarten classroom with the foamy tiles with letters and numbers on them. A toy chest filled with well toys and stuffies that could be seen wherever you looked. The nursery was a gift that Jayden had gotten me for our third month anniversary which made me feel bad because all I got him was a watch.</p><p>Brooke hasn't bothered me at all. I actually wonder what she's up to right now. Especially since she gave me her word that she would show up to court if I chose to speak out publicly on what the scumbag did. </p><p>Which speaking of brings me to the present. Me having to wear a suit to attend the trial that has been pushed back many times. I was absolutely terrified to go up and speak but it had to be done in order to have a better chance of sending him to jail. I was now all dressed and ready to go but I couldn't seem to walk through the door. </p><p>"You've got this." Jayden assures me grabbing onto my hand as we walk through the door together and make our way to the courthouse. </p><p>____________________________________</p><p>"Your honor I call  Joshua Brightly to the stand." Richards lawyer says and I make my way up to the witness stand I place my hand on the Bible and repeat the words the guy instructs me to say making me currently under oath. My hands were clammy and I had the oh so familiar knot in my throat. Richards was looking at me his face calm and collected. It made me angry that he wasn't. He should be furious right now I told I'm the snitch. I'm the one that gonna ruin his career. </p><p>" Mr. Brightly can you tell us where you were September 8 at 2 pm?" </p><p>"I was at the..um I was at an appointment." I reply and loosen up my tie that felt as if it was constricting against my neck. </p><p>"What kind?" He asks simply. </p><p>"Um a therapist kind. I'm sorry I forgot what it's called um psychiatric?" The lawyer simply nods and continues. </p><p>"Why do you need to see a therapist?" </p><p>"Is it highly necessary to answer—"</p><p>"Sir we need to know your mental state to ensure that you didn't have a hallucination of this incident." He says cutting me off. </p><p>I take a deep breathe in and continue. "Sir I don't have hallucinations.. the reason I used to see a therapist is because my parents insisted on me going. I have trouble..communicating with people I have anxiety."</p><p>"Ok thank you. And you were Mr. Richards student correct?" </p><p>"Yes." I say firmly remembering our lawyers words. Don't nod either yes, no or I can't recall. To say it with confidence showing people you know you're in the right. </p><p>"Did you have my further connections with Mr. Richards." </p><p>"No." </p><p>"So on September 8 you were at your appointment from what you remember what happened next?" He asks. </p><p>"I went to the bus stop as I usually did. I was on my way back to campus when I bumped into him. He was also taking the bus when he started a conversation with me."</p><p>"Just to be clear he is the one who started the conversation correct?"</p><p>"Um..yeah I uh never speak to teachers outside the class like I said I have um anxiety and don't do well with talking to people. He started the conversation and I couldn't end it."</p><p>"Couldn't or wouldn't?" </p><p>"Couldn't. He was talkative and persistent." I say sharply. </p><p>"He told me he was going to visit his family but when it was my stop he got off along with me." </p><p>"And you didn't think that it was oddly suspicious that he got off at the school when he just said he was going to see family?"</p><p>"Yes I did I even asked him and he told me he needed to grab a few papers."</p><p>"And how did you end up in his classroom?" </p><p>"He told me he wanted to speak to me about a test that I took. As you know that didn't happen instead he...he...you know what he did."  </p><p>"Does anyone else know or witnessed this?" I look to Jayden who was sitting near the front. He stood up clearing his throat.</p><p>"Your honor I was his roommate and I am his boyfriend I didn't see what happens but I did see the aftermath and how it greatly affected him."  He says and the judge allows him to approach the stand. I get up and walk to my previous seat. </p><p>"You are aware that you are under oath and can speak nothing but the truth?" The judge asks and Jayden confirms with a firm yes.</p><p>"That night Josh didn't come to the dorm until very early the next morning. I went to class as usual because at the time I barely knew him. He didn't show up to any classes and when I got back he was still in his room. He stayed there for a full week I occasionally heard crying and things being thrown around. I had enough and wen I asked him what was wrong he told me everything. He wasn't even going to say anything about it. I was the one who insisted that the fucking pile of garbage deserved to rot in jail."</p><p>"Mr. Hernandez please refrain from using foul language." </p><p>"Sorry your honor." He apologizes. The lawyer kept asking him a bunch of questions which he answered truthfully and filled with more assurance than I could ever have. He soon finished giving his statement and sat beside me holding my hand and gave it three small squeezes. I smile and return it. </p><p>"If that is all your honor—"</p><p>"Wait!" Everyone's head turned around to see Brooke standing up amongst the many random people. "I'm sorry um wait I also have a testimony to give your honor." She says lowering her voice. </p><p>"Your honor you can't possibly allow—"</p><p>"Proceed" the judge says cutting him off. Brooke walks up to the witness stand and she gives her story. How Richards asked her to go to his office to talk. How he slipped something into her drink making her drowsy and unaware. And how he raped her. </p><p>"Me and Josh are the only ones." After many people stood up men and women. They all went and spoke about there stories and I actually couldn't believe what was happening right in front of me. With all these people giving there stories there is no way he can get out of this. </p><p>Everyone was dismissed while the jury reaches a decision. </p><p>"Brooke how did you? Um how?" I ask her as we were walking out. </p><p>"I told you I'd speak if you did and I wanted to make sure he stayed in jail for as long as possible. Besides it's the least I could do for treating you so horribly." She says. I smile and give her a hug. It was uncomfortable considering I hated her a while ago but she deserves a second chance. </p><p>Jay was quick to end the hug pulling me from her. He thanked her for helping but that was all as he took me to a flight of stairs far away from her. </p><p>"Jay she was being nice." I say.</p><p>"I know it just gets me mad because I know what she did to you." He says mumbling into my neck. It's times like these I wonder who's the bigger baby. I give him a kiss and hug him as we wait until we are told to come back inside. </p><p>While we were in the judge told us that they had come to a decision. "Mr. Richards is hereby guilty of the sexual harassment of not only Joshua Brightly but also of many young men and woman. He is sentenced for a class B Felony which will result in 60 years of imprisonment. Case dismissed."  I didn't say anything. I was shocked and overjoyed at the same time. </p><p>"Josh you did it!" I feel Jay pick me up and spin me around. I let out a shaky laugh and hug him tightly. 60 years. He'll be locked away for 60 long years. He probably wont even live that long. I feel the tears stream down my face being wiped away by my awesome boyfriend. </p><p>We walk out of that courtroom happy and joyful. I was skipping on the way to the car and as we walked up to our apartment. Our wonderful small apartment. I know this only solves one huge problem. It won't take away the nightmares I have or erase that he was the one who took away my virginity but at least now I can sleep knowing he is locked away for good and that I have someone who loves me and who I love dearly. </p><p>"I love you so much baby you were so brave and strong. How about I give you a nice bubble bath and we can watch Disney movies with all your stuffies." His tone making my head fussy and putting me into headspace. He has gotten pretty good at doing it and I learned that he also goes into like a daddy space kind of thing. </p><p>"Can we has Ice cream?" I ask and he smiles. </p><p>"We ran out but I can go get some. But not too much we don't want you getting sick."</p><p>"Otay." He picks me up as he brings me to our bathroom. As I am in his arm I know that I would never trade this for anything. There is no amount of money in this world that could convince me to give all this up.</p>
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<a name="section0047"><h2>47. Valentine Special</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I smile as I instantly wake up. The cold air hitting me as I kick the blanket off of me. I look next to me to my lovely boyfriend. His face all soft and squishy compared to his usual hard and chiseled jaw. I check the time and decide that five am is a decent time to wake him up. </p><p>I crawl onto of him and jump. "Daddy! Daddy! Guess what?!" </p><p>He groans stirring. "What?" He says his voice all groggy. </p><p>"No you has to guess." I say as I lay down on his back. </p><p>"Hmm is it your birthday?" He asks turning over squishing me underneath him. </p><p>I giggle. "No, guess again" </p><p>"Is it my birthday?" He asks again. I giggle and shake my head. He moves so that we are face to face. "Is Mikey coming over today?" </p><p>"Yes, bu dat not it"</p><p>"Well geez I don't know baby, if it's not my birthday...and it's not your birthday...then who's birthday is it?" </p><p>"No ones daddy, it's Valentines Day!" Daddy can be so dumb sometimes. But I don't let him know that he is, I simply teach him like a good adult. </p><p>"Valentines day? I thought we already celebrated that last year?" </p><p>"Silly Valentines Day is evewy year." I say. I get up from the warm bed and go to find where I hid his gift. The floor was cold as I walked with my bare feet. And if the thermostat was any lower I could probably see my breathe. </p><p>I go into one of our closets searching for his gift. I had hidden it in the very back where we hide all the junk we get from Mikey. As my fingers meet the paper wrapping I grab it. The gift has paper sticking out at the edges. There were two different types of wrapping paper from where I ripped it and had to use another one after wasting the first. And there was tape all over it and a bow place lopsided. My wrapping skills are safe to say below terrible but it's the thought that counts right?</p><p>I hurry back to our room hoping that he likes it. It had cost me four months work of paychecks and overtime. He's always be able to outgift me but this time I'm sure I got something he won't be able to top. </p><p>Jumping onto the bed Jayden pull me into a hug scattering kisses all over my face. "I love you so much" </p><p>"I love you more" I reply. </p><p>"I love you most" Although the small quote was originally between a daughter and her manipulative kidnapper we took it and made it into something sweet between us. </p><p>"Here, I hope you like it." I say handing him the box. "Sorry I.. I'm not that good at wrapping...it accidentally ripped and then the tape kept getting stuck and Mikey wasn't really good help because kept singing Taylor Swift songs." </p><p>"I'm sure I'm gonna love it," He says cutting off my rant. </p><p>"I hope you do" I mumble as I watch him unwrap it. I fiddle with my fingers something I thought I had given up months ago but apparently, it's a habit I don't think I'll ever break. </p><p>When he was done unwrapping it I hide my face too scared to see his reaction. </p><p>"Oh Joshie I love it." He says pulling my hands away from my face. </p><p>"You do?" </p><p>"How much did this cost?" He says looking at the golden watch. </p><p>"A lot, " I crawl over to him. "Here if you turn it around.." I point to the engraved message in the back. </p><p>"I'll love you until the end of time... Babe I'm speechless." He breathes staring at the watch. </p><p>"Amd all I did was reserve us a table at that restaurant you like" He says and I smile. I finally out gifted him. </p><p>"I can't wait to go," I say pecking his cheek. </p><p>"Its at six, so that means we get the whole day to ourselves." He says placing the gift to the side leaning back into the bed pulling me down with him. </p><p>"You don't have any work today right?" I ask. Jayden had gotten a successful job at a law firm. His dream to become a lawyer had become a reality and it was great. Although being a lawyer has it's downsides. One being that he works long hours. Even on days off he gets some calls. But he always makes sure that on important days like these he has absolutely no work.</p><p>"Mhm, no work at all which means I have you all to myself." </p><p>"Do you really like the gift?" I ask once again. </p><p>"Yes I love it so much that I'm gonna wear it all the time from now on. And I'm definitely going to be wearing it tonight." He says kissing my forehead.</p><p>"Can't wait" </p><p>——————————————————————————-</p><p> </p><p>"You got him an engraved watch! Awww that's so cutee! You guys are officially my favorite couple!" Mikey squeals as he jumps onto my bed. </p><p>"Mhm, I finally got him to be speechless. So what are you and Arya doing this year?" </p><p>"I got her a bunch of flowers and some chocolates. She got me a bunch of stuff he's, and later we are going to some fancy restaurant and after we're gonna have some fun if you know what I mean" He says wiggling his eyebrows. </p><p>"Sadly I do." I chuckle as I get my clothes ready. </p><p>"Do you wanna know what Felix and Ty are doing for Valentines?" </p><p>"What are they doing?" </p><p>"Absolutely nothing! Its outrageous! They're just planning on sitting around all day drinking beer and watching horror movies. Not even a romantic movie, I'm gonna hit Felix when I get the chance."</p><p>"Don't do that, it's their choice how they spend Valentine's day" I say ironing my shirt. </p><p>"I know, I know, but I thought I taught Felix better than that. Ooh can I please do your make up pretty please?" he begs. </p><p>"Okay but not too much, I'm gonna be out in public" I agree to it quickly getting dressed. </p><p>"Oh Joshie, when are you gonna learn that it doesn't matter what people think." He cups my face and I give him an awkward smile. </p><p>"Now sit down I'm gonna brush your hair." </p><p>"No not brushing my hair" I whine. </p><p>"Yes, you need to brush it. It won't be such a pain if you brushed it like I tell you to." He says grabbing the hair brush. </p><p>"Fine" I say knowing I'm gonna regret it. </p><p>"Oww!" Yup regretting it. </p><p>—————————-—————————————————</p><p> </p><p>"You look so handsome," Jayden says as we sit down at the table. </p><p>"Thank you it's mainly due to Mikey's magic. You look handsome too" </p><p>"You look handsome even without the make up" He says kissing me. My face turning red.</p><p>"You're always so cheesy" </p><p>"In just stating the truth." He kisses me before calling over a waiter to take our order. </p><p>I can feel the side glances and glares that some people were giving. It's something me and Jayden have always had to deal with and will probably still have to deal with in the future. </p><p>"Hey" Jayden takes my hand in his and keeps his eyes on mine. "Remember deep breathes and keep your eyes on me. It doesn't matter what others think, they could jump off a cliff for all we care. We are here to have a nice meal and enjoy each other ok" </p><p>"Okay" I nod my voice barely above a whisper. </p><p>"That's my good boy." He says smiling. </p><p>Our waiter brings us our food and the rest of the night is spent talking and eating along with a lot of laughter as we remember fun memories. </p><p>When we left we got into Jaydens car. He still refuses to buy a new one. Which I don't mind at all it's cute how attached he is to the car. </p><p>"Wait where are you going the house is the other way?" I say as he takes a different exit. </p><p>"It's a surprise," He says and hands me a scarf. "Put that on" </p><p>"What?" </p><p>"Put it on over your eyes I don't want you spoiling the surprise for yourself" </p><p>"How would I do that?" </p><p>"I know how your mind works princess, you're gonna be looking at every sign and go through every scenario in your head before you eventually figure it out. Now put it on" </p><p>I smile at the nickname that never gets old, I obey and wrap the scarf over my eyes.</p><p>He has asnt wrong I was currently running every scenario through my head. But I ended up empty-handed. </p><p>"Alright we are here." I hear the car door open and then close before I heard my side open. I feel him unbuckle me from my seat and guide me out of the car. We walk for a bit, I hear the crunching of snow under our feet and a couple of sticks snapping. </p><p>"You can take it off." I hear him say. Taking off the blindfold I see that I am in a small clearing surrounded by trees.</p><p>I smile as I know exactly where we are. "You took me back here." I look up and sure enough it was the same jaw dropping sight. </p><p>"Of course, I did. This is our fifth Valentines together. I want it to be perfect." he says hugging me from behind. </p><p>I stare at the stars admiring it. Every time I come here it feels like the first. </p><p>"I know how you are always complaining about me outgifting you but I can't let you beat me just yet." he says and even though I'm not looking at him I can practically hear his smirk. </p><p>"You can't let me have this one win?" I say turning around. </p><p>I gasp. Frozen in my spot. </p><p>"Joshua Alexander Brightly, since the day I met you I was swept away. You manage to brighten my life every single day. You make me laugh and feel appreciated. That I'm needed and I know I can count on you. I know that you are there for me when I'm down and at my worst just like you can count on me. I want to be there for the rest of your life and I'd like it if you were a part of mine." I start to tear up from the sight of him. </p><p>He was down on one knee with a black box in hand. He opened it slowly showing the ring inside. I stumble back a bit having to regain my posture. </p><p>"So will you do me the honors and marry me?" </p><p>"Yes!" I exclaim as I tackle him into a hug. </p><p>We fall into the snow laughing and crying happily. I hear screams and screeches.</p><p>"Congratulations!" I turn and see everyone coming out from behind the trees and bushes. </p><p>"I got everything on video!" Arya states lifting her phone. </p><p>"You have no idea how hard it was to keep this all a secret! I am so happy for you two dibs on being their flower boy!" Mikey says pulling me into one of his bone-crushing hugs. </p><p>"I love you!" I scream out as loud as I can kissing Jayden one more time.</p><p>"Here you go princess" He says putting the ring on my finger. </p><p>"Now I can say that you are no longer my boyfriend. This wonderful man is now my fiance." </p><p>The cheesy Idiot out gifted me again.</p>
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